I Live with Cerebral Palsy and Deep Peace

To the people God has given me to love: I thank Him every day for you.

Grief is a funny thing. It comes in unexpected tidal waves. It causes the heart to feel every emotion, sometimes simultaneously. It is here, immersed in the crashing of this tidal wave, where overwhelming sadness, frustration, inexplicable joy, and indescribable peace can co-exist. When I am mentally and emotionally bombarded with memories and thoughts of what the future may hold, it is to my Savior, my Jesus I cling.

Yes, I grieve the abilities that living with a chronic condition forces me to say goodbye to. But most of all, I grieve for the ones I love. It hurts my heart. Watching them grapple with reality is hard. It is, and it has always been the hardest part. At night, when it is just the Lord and me, every one of their beautiful faces comes into focus. Sometimes, I wonder if there is anything more I can do. Have I done enough? Then, I realize they probably wonder too.

I have had many people say they wish they could take it from me for a while. I understand the heart behind that, I do. Honestly, I would endure the manifestations of my condition a thousand times over if it meant that someone else does not have to. More often than not, knowing that Cerebral Palsy is something I have been entrusted with makes me smile.

Please know it isn’t something you need to burden yourself with fixing. The ingredients to the cake for my life have long been predetermined. My God has done all the mixing. My heart is healed, and it is well with my soul. Truthfully, I wouldn’t trade the hope I have in Jesus for any amount of walking. Some glad morning when this life is over, I’ll fly away to meet my living hope face to face. It is here that my imperfect body will be made whole.

Saying goodbye to pieces of my body is hard. But it makes me so grateful for the revolving door moments. The ones when we get to say hello. I am so glad God has built in these components. I cherish those exciting moments and the pictures we share when I physically accomplish something that medically, I wasn’t supposed to.

I love when we take it slow. I love when we laugh. I appreciate the time you spend with me. It means more to me than you know. It makes me appreciate the little things that much more.

Oh, dear ones, don’t forget the beauty that comes with choosing to live like that. I want to see the ones I love loving my Jesus with grateful hearts. This is what I want to be remembered for.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

Articles by Rebecca Neels

Rebecca Neels

My name is Rebecca Neels, but almost everyone calls me Becca. I am a lover and follower of Jesus Christ, a writer, an avid outdoor adventure enthusiast and a passionate disability advocate. Oh, and I have a condition called Cerebral Palsy, which means I am dependent on a wheelchair for almost all aspects of mobility. My journey with Cerebral Palsy has strengthened and tested my faith in so many ways. If someone gave me the opportunity to be able to walk unassisted, I would not hesitate. I would love to be able to run. Run the way my soul runs, but I am so thankful for how it has forced me to take refuge in the arms of my Savior.