For several years now, I have had these recurring, vivid dreams. In these dreams, I am never in my wheelchair. I am walking unaided and free from any physical restriction. My Cerebral Palsy is non-existent, and I am anticipating the breathtaking view that waits for me upon reaching the summit of the mountain I am climbing. As I sit cross-legged at the edge of the summit, I look out to the utterly amazing, praise-worthy view before me, and without hesitation, I lift my hands in worship. It is after that moment, now etched in my memory, that I wake and return to reality.
I have always viewed these dreams as a gift from God. I think they are His way of reminding me that my earthly challenges and the physical limitations I live with every day will not last forever. They have become a huge motivation for me, giving me the courage to keep wheeling with Him toward that promise, knowing He is leading me home.
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One of the lessons I have learned while on this crooked journey is that, “His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
No matter what season of life I find myself in, God is constantly reminding me that He is sufficient.
When we are journeying through deep waters, it can be difficult to focus on the sufficiency of God when our minds are bombarded with questions from the enemy that can leave us doubting His goodness.
Questions like: Why me? God, if you love as much as you say you do, why is this happening to me? Why do bad things happen to good people?
I often think back to the story in John 9, where Jesus and His disciples come across a blind man. The disciples asked Jesus whether the man was born blind because of his sin or his parents’ sin, to which Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this was done so that the works of God might be displayed in him“ (John 9:3).
I have prayed for God to heal me of my Cerebral Palsy more times than I can count. It took me a long time to recognize that sometimes, God chooses to do His work amidst the crashing waves of physical and emotional pain, to invade the heart that is broken open with questions and craving answers.
Jesus did heal me. He has not healed my body. He has healed my heart.
And through that inward healing, He gave me the ability to see life through a different lens. I have learned that I do not need to have the ability to walk to leave a mark on this world. Just as Jesus gave sight to the blind man, He gifted me with the sight to see that we don’t need to understand the reason for our challenges. We need Jesus. He is the answer.
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This is not to say that I don’t long for the day when I see God face to face and walk beside my Heavenly Father and my brothers and sisters in Christ in the kingdom of Heaven. What an amazing day that will be!
Until then, I will endure and hold on to the gift of knowing He is always with me.