By Nikki Specht 
My daughter’s preschool graduation is coming up, and I am a puddle. Before I had kids, I thought this ceremony was a little over the top (along with eighth-grade graduation and other things celebrating standard life events). We all did it; why do we need to have a big ceremony? That’s not how life works.
But I’ve been thinking more about this. I am of the generation that constantly gets the “Millennials are entitled because they got trophies just for participating.” But I’ve been thinking about this too, as a mom and a counselor.
I’ve realized a trophy for participating is exactly what we should be teaching our kids—the exact opposite of how so many of the generations before us were raised—because it’s important to teach that you need to keep showing up. Even when it’s hard. Even when you don’t feel like it. Even when it might be something you, quite frankly, suck at. Because that’s the only way you’ll ever get better.
What we have way too much of these days is letting kids cop out. Kids who are never made to experience real failure or defeat or heartache, because their parents protect them from it. I saw so much of this in my office: kids falling apart over things that should have been easily managed. Parents calling to undo any damage caused by their kids’ decisions. Parents calling me about things students should have been speaking to me about themselves.
When parents shield their kids from too much, try to do it all for them, inflate their egos by praising things that aren’t praiseworthy, or ignore punishment or criticisms when it’s needed, who are we helping? How are we preparing them for a harsh world? They will be pushed and criticized. They will fail. They will try things and not be good at them. They won’t get the job. They will get dumped. Their plans will fall apart. Friends will leave them out and talk behind their backs. It will hurt, no doubt. Maybe even more for the parent watching, helpless.
But the greatest gift my parents ever gave me was the gift of figuring crap out, handling issues, and facing failure. So when the absolutely unimaginable happened to us when my sister died, I didn’t completely fall apart. Many days, I wanted to. Some days, I still want to. But I know I am capable of picking myself up and somehow facing the absolute darkest days. Because it’s the same coping skills, at the end of the day. And I am grateful to my parents for that gift.
So when my kids struggle with putting on their shoes, or they fall, or a friend leaves them out, or they have trouble eating with a fork, or they can’t have what they want at the store—sure, it hurts my mama heart to see them sad. But it also reminds me of the bigger picture, of the message I am sending them: You are okay. I’m here if you need me—but I don’t think you do right now. You can make it through this struggle. So when the struggles get bigger, their skills get stronger.
According to research, the number one factor in determining the success of a child is their ability to overcome challenges; their resilience. That’s even more of a predictor than class, race, income status, having a stay-at-home parent, or gender. Read that again—because it’s huge.
So yes, kiddo. Keep showing up to that soccer practice. Because you’re capable. Because honoring your commitment to the team, even if you quit after this season, is important. Because running and hiding after a failure is going to send the message that you can’t handle it. Because continuing to try and work for something to find success is exactly how life works. And sometimes you’ll be the worst player. And sometimes your team will be in last place. And sometimes you will miss that big goal, and it will feel like a failure. It’s not. Because you showed up anyway. And you earned that trophy.
I am confident there are great things ahead for this youngest generation, raised by us entitled Millennials. They will fail and fall and struggle and cry…if we let them.
And then, they will change the world.
Originally published on the author’s blog
by Becca Carnahan 
by Peyton Garland 
