By Kimberly Keys 
When my only child was finishing up his first year of preschool a few years ago, I knew he would miss having friends to play with regularly over the summer.
One day at pickup, he invited a friend from his class to come to our house. His friend seemed interested.
Her mom and I agreed it would be nice to have a playdate, but never really made plans as we were getting the kids to the car.
I am not an outgoing person, and I always prefer someone else to ask me to do something, rather than being the one to ask. I’m afraid of rejection to begin with, but it stings 100 times worse if rejection impacts my son. But I knew I had to try. I didn’t want my son to miss his friends all summer.
At pickup time at the next class, I nervously slipped the mom a note with my phone number, wondering if we would end up doing a playdate. She thanked me for the note, and later that day, texted me her number.
At our school’s end-of-the-year gathering shortly after, a mom I had talked to a few times before commented that it was nice we lived in the same city and our sons would eventually go to the same public schools after preschool. I awkwardly blurted out, “We don’t have to wait to get them together, though.” She responded, “Like a playdate?” I agreed that was what I meant, and we exchanged numbers.
That summer, we met up with the first friend whose mom I had given my phone number to, and we packed picnic lunches for the kids to eat at the playground. The initial meeting turned into more playdates, our kids doing a robotics club together, and some walks for us while our kids were in school.
The second mom I exchanged phone numbers with also started with a park playdate. Our boys have done playdates together, see each other at school events now that we’re at the same public school, and are playing on the same baseball team this summer. She and I also have in common that our families were built through adoption, and she’s been there to listen as we’ve been on a journey to find our second child. We pray for each other when something hard is going on in one of our lives.
The longer I’ve been exchanging phone numbers, the easier it’s gotten. I also wonder if I’ve gotten more approachable, because several moms have given me their phone numbers too.
During my son’s second year of preschool, two families gave me their numbers. One has been more of a casual friendship; the boys see each other a couple of times a year, which is still great. And the other family has become one we see very regularly during the summer, going on park playdates, visiting their house while their youngest child naps, and even going on a strawberry picking adventure. Sometimes we only see them a handful of times during the school year, but come summertime, we see each other almost weekly.
Not every playdate I’ve asked for has been a success, and sometimes it hasn’t worked out when someone else has given me their number.
I had one parent give me their number after our kids played at the park, suggesting we get together again. The first time we set something up, she canceled. We set a new date, and then when I texted to confirm we were still on, she never responded. I don’t know what happened.
I had another parent give me their number after our kids played at the park, and we did meet up for a playdate again. The next time I texted for another playdate, I never heard back.
There was a kid my son really liked on the bus during his kindergarten year, so I had him write a note saying he was glad they were bus friends. I wrote a little note at the bottom with my phone number and said if they were interested in getting together, to text or call so we could set something up. I never heard back.
I wondered if the note approach was off, but when I sent a similar note home during my son’s first-grade school year for a friend in his class, I got a text the same day from his mom, inviting us to their house. The day we went, she also included a neighbor who was in the same grade, just in a different class. They both lived a few streets away from us, just a short walk or bike ride away. Since then, my son’s classmate has come to our house, we’ve done park playdates, and all three boys have played together on the playground after school.
Besides giving my son the benefit of friends to do things with, these playdates also benefit me so much. Motherhood can be lonely without other moms to talk to during the same stage of life. It also gives me a break to sit with other moms and chat while our kids play.
Now, whenever my son starts talking about a classmate often, I ask, “Do you want to write them a note?” I never know how it will turn out, but I’m so grateful for the times I’ve asked for a playdate that have brought new friends into our lives—both for my son and me.
by Jennifer Kennedy 
by Linda Tang 
