I will never forget the day when I got the call that my son needed brain surgery. Electric energy zinged through every nerve in my body as I tried to drive my little boy and myself home that day. It was a culmination of contradicting emotions all battling for the forefront of my heart. Fear at war with knowledge. Worry at war with relief.
Although, to many, the diagnosis seemed to come quickly, I had known there was something wrong for nearly two years. It wasn’t fireworks, only a deep nagging that something was off. So when I got the call, I felt all the normal emotions like overwhelming worry and fear, but they were mixed with relief and the knowledge that comes with a diagnosis. Feeling an eerie comfort of at least having a name and knowing the monster we were getting ready to battle.
For those two years, I had taken him to an ENT for brief episodes of vertigo as well as three different pediatricians within the practice for days when he felt tired and weak only to be told it was just a virus or he was dehydrated. I also took him to a neurologist that believed nothing was wrong with him although he did order the MRI that eventually lead to his diagnosis of Chiari Malformation.
I share this tiny piece of my story because I want to encourage others. I think moms are given a gift when their children are born. Call it the gift of instinct, intuition or whatever you want, but I believe it is a gift God gives us as mothers to just know our child on a deeper level. To sense their needs before they even know themselves or to know just how to talk to them to reach their heart.
This doesn’t just apply to health issues, it could be emotional as well. It could mean they may be having anxiety, stress, anger and trust issues. If you ever have those moments where you feel that something is not right, don’t ignore this gift. However, there are some things that you should ignore.
Ignore your doubts. You are not expected to have all the answers. However, doubting your feelings may cause you to hesitate. Usually doubts come when we are on the right track. Ignore the doubts and continue to be the voice for your child.
Ignore what others may think. I had a wonderful supportive family even when they later admitted they did not really think anything was wrong. However, I am referring to others who make you feel like you are crazy, or overly concerned. They may even call you obsessive. Ignore what others may think and continue pushing forward.
Ignore the negative. It is so important to stay positive and focused. This journey can be discouraging at times. After my son’s diagnosis and one week before his brain decompression surgery, an acquaintance of mine told me a horror story about complications after her son’s tonsillectomy. In fact, I had many negative stories shared with me from others who I honestly think meant well. When you allow the negativity into your mind and spirit, doubts and what others think invade your heart and become louder than your gift. Ignore the negative and embrace the positive as you press toward the mark.
You are a wonderful woman. You are a great mom. You are your child’s greatest advocate, their champion. Let go of all the doubts, opinions and negativity. Embrace the crazy, happy, messy awesome life you have been given, the life as a mom.