A Gift for Mom! 🤍

When You Become a Mom, You Want Your Own—But Sometimes She’s in Heaven

3 Minute Read

By Adrianne Thompson

Pregnant woman standing next to her mother, color photo — Image via Adrianne Thompson

The person you need the most when you become a mom is your own mom.

You need the person who created you to help you navigate this new phase in your life and nothing and no one can prepare you for doing it without her whether it’s your first or fifth.

RELATED: Even Though You’re In Heaven, Your Grandchildren Will Know You

It starts the second you see the positive you tell your husband and the next call goes to . . . who? The one person who is going to burst from excitement and start shopping right away is now in a place without phones.

You’ll tell yourself she sent that baby just for you, and that’s OK because she did.

Up next is all the planning. Finding out the gender, designing the nursery, and picking out names. If you’re like me, it’s a double-edged sword when you pass on her name but don’t get to see her tears of joy as you announce it. Then there are the updates and sonogram pictures that don’t get sent after each appointment as you wonder who this baby will look like and wish she were here to talk about her experiences with pregnancy and delivery.

RELATED: It’s Hard Being a Mom Without My Own Mother’s Guidance

At the hospital, her absence is overwhelming when she is not there to fret and worry helplessly because she can’t do this for you. But now she can’t even hold your hand. Then again when she’s not in the hospital room eagerly awaiting her turn to hold that precious bundle and pose for the pictures.

Then you get home and you’re in the trenches. You’ve been exposed in every imaginable way, you’re exhausted and sore. You are falling in love in a way you’ve never felt or imagined. Your worries and anxieties are at an all-time high, and you are at your most vulnerable.

You want the person who has always taken care of you.

You’ll miss being able to just cry into her arms from the combination of hormones and lack of sleep. You’ll crave the comfort that came with a fresh-cooked meal that takes you straight back to your childhood. You’ll wish she could be there to help with the responsibilities you feel overwhelmed by, and most of all, you’ll long to see your baby in her arms.

RELATED: Some of the Best Grandmas Live in Heaven

Little by little those babies bring surprising gifts. You’ll see her in their smiles and hear her in their laughter. When they learn her name, it brings you peace. When they start asking about her, the stories will flow. When they talk about her like they knew her, you know you’ve done it right. Most importantly you’ll find her in yourself as you become a mother, and it helps to bring her just a little bit closer.

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Grandmother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Order Now!

become a mom i miss my mom mom Motherhood motherless motherless daughter my mom my mom in heaven

Adrianne Thompson

Motherless daughter who uses writing to process grief and healing. I married my best friend six years ago. We have experienced some big tragedies and a whole lot of love, including the three tiny humans we have brought into the world.

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

In: Grief

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. I found that to be most true when my grandma passed. Like many grandmas, she was the best. She was kind and tender, but firm when she needed to be. She gave her time freely and used her baking talent to bless others. She had little and needed little, yet she had a way of drawing people together. There wasn’t a day I can remember when someone didn’t call her or stop by. She seemed to have all the answers and somehow knew how to fix almost any problem....

Keep Reading

My Parents Will Never See This Face

In: Grief

Woman with sunglasses shown in rear view mirror

You’ve had that moment, right? That moment when you don’t recognize the woman standing in front of you. Her hair is grayer. The skin around her eyes is a bit darker. Even without noticing the small details, that face is different. It’s aged. And as I stared at her yesterday afternoon, all dolled up and nowhere to go, it dawned on me: My parents will never see this version of me. My mom will never get to see hands that look like hers. She’ll never recognize the wrinkles or the sun spots. My father-in-law joked about gray hair with my...

Keep Reading

The Due Date that Never Comes

In: Grief, Loss, Miscarriage

It is not often talked about. I completely understand why, but when going through something so heartbreaking and devastating, women shouldn’t have to suffer alone or in silence. If you’ve gone through it, you probably already know what I’m referring to – miscarriage. It is the reason many couples don’t tell people they are expecting until after the first trimester. It is so unfortunately common that one in four women will experience a miscarriage in their lifetime. According to the National Institutes of Health, 15-20 percent of pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and it is the most common pregnancy complication...

Keep Reading

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

In: Grief, Living

Black and white photo of older man in garden

I was never meant to be a plant person. I’m the woman who can kill a succulent on the way home from the store. Once, a fern sighed in my direction and gave up. That is my spiritual gift. My grandpa Dominic would have laughed—hard. He loved to laugh. And sing hymns passionately in Italian. He was an Italian immigrant who lost his arm working in a mill, and still, he woke up every morning and dressed like dignity itself. He shopped for my grandma. He fixed what was broken. And he tended the biggest, happiest garden you’ve ever seen....

Keep Reading

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

In: Grief

Woman with mother smiling in older photo

Recently, whenever I look in the mirror, I see a strong resemblance to my mother. People always said I looked like her, but I never really saw it until now. I think it may be because you always think of your parents as being older than you are. At the age of 61, I am now only two years away from the age my mother was when she died. The only good thing about dying young is that everyone will remember you that way. I have only known my mom as the vibrant, personable, and active woman she was. Well,...

Keep Reading

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood

Editor’s note: This post discusses child loss Child loss changes Mother’s Day. My 19-month-old, Julia, died suddenly on Mother’s Day in 2024. Three months later, her autopsy revealed she had B-cell Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia (B-ALL, also known as SUDNIC). Julia died a week after we did an embryo transfer at an IVF clinic in an attempt to have a second child. We found out three days after Julia’s death that the embryo did not make it either. Six months later, we did another embryo transfer that succeeded, and I now have an 8-month-old daughter, Lucy Mei (“Mei Mei” means “little...

Keep Reading

I Miss Having Parents

In: Grief

Grown daughter posing between smiling parents

I have been living with the ache of loss for so long that I truly don’t remember what it feels like not to carry it. Sometimes it rests quietly beneath my ribs, dormant and almost polite. Other times it rises without warning—on an ordinary Tuesday afternoon, in the middle of a coffee line—and cuts straight through me. Today, it was a song. I was waiting for my coffee when “Pictures of You” by The Cure drifted through the café speakers. I hadn’t heard it in 20 years. In my twenties, it meant heartbreak—young love unraveling, relationships ending before they were...

Keep Reading

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

In: Grief

Nobody tells you that when you lose a sibling, your entire childhood flashes before your eyes. There’s no better witness to what you experienced growing up than that one person who was standing nearby for all of it. And when they’re gone, a part of that childhood and a part of that story goes with them, because it was only ever known between the two of you. There’s no last chance to say, “Remember when?” or to laugh about the things that made you laugh to tears together, a million times at the kitchen table. There’s no last conversation about...

Keep Reading

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

In: Grief

I survived losing my father after his long, grueling battle with cancer. It was one of the most difficult seasons of my life. I had a front row seat to watch cancer pick him apart piece by piece. When you lose a parent, you lose a part of yourself. They say time heals all wounds, but you never stop missing the good ones, and there are days when it feels like it just happened. By the grace of God, I survived, but I will always miss my father. Then, almost a decade later, I lost the career that helped me...

Keep Reading

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

In: Grief

During the weeks we cared for my grandmother in hospice, survival mode felt necessary. There were medications to track. Visitors to update. Logistics to manage. I remember sitting on the couch that served as my makeshift bed and listening to the rhythmic hissing and puffing of the oxygen machine one night. While my mom showered off the day, I texted my sister updates and sent my husband a quick message of love. I could still smell the lavender candle we had lit earlier in the day to mask medical scents. The house was quiet, but my mind wasn’t. I was...

Keep Reading

It's Not My Job As a Parent To Make Life Easy

Motherhood

It's Not My Job As a Parent To Make Life Easy

I Miss My Family So Much This Christmas

Living

When You Become a Mom, You Want Your Own—But Sometimes She’s in Heaven

RELATED: Even Though You’re In Heaven, Your Grandchildren Will Know You

You’ll tell yourself she sent that baby just for you, and that’s OK because she did.

RELATED: It’s Hard Being a Mom Without My Own Mother’s Guidance

You want the person who has always taken care of you.

RELATED: Some of the Best Grandmas Live in Heaven

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

Adrianne Thompson

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

Get It Now

So God Made a Mother

When You Become a Mom, You Want Your Own—But Sometimes She’s in Heaven

You’ll tell yourself she sent that baby just for you, and that’s OK because she did.

You want the person who has always taken care of you.

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A GRANDMA

She Was the Glue That Held Our Family Together

My Parents Will Never See This Face

The Due Date that Never Comes

Repotting Myself: What My One‑Armed Grandpa Taught Me About Growing Anyway

When I Look In the Mirror, I See My Mother

I Lost My Daughter on Mother’s Day: 3 Truths I’m Believing Today

I Miss Having Parents

What No One Tells You about Losing a Sibling

Grief Didn’t Break Me, It Rearranged Me

I’m Learning To Be Soft and Strong

Previous Post

Next Post

You May Also Like