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One of my favorite things about having a newborn are those first few nights of getting to know one another. Sure, the nights are long, but there is something so intimate and special about about that precious time becoming mom and baby.

One of the things that has stood out in my mind with all my children during these first few nights has been standing in awe and wonder that we have been given such an incredible opportunity to raise these little people this side of heaven, even when things can get scary. With each of my babies, there have been very specific moments in the hospital when I have offered them back to the Lord, thanking Him for the gift of being their mommy. But especially this pregnancy with our son, I’ve prayed these same types of prayers many times before last night. Prayers that were REALLY hard to pray, but prayers of surrender that have continued to soften my heart to the plans that God has for Deacon.

It was a hysterical prayer by myself on the way home from a doctor’s appointment a few months ago after having genetic testing and additional ultrasounds done, checking to see if the soft markers he had were suspicious of Downs Syndrome. “Lord, I know that you love my son and I know that you love me. God, You have a plan and a purpose for his life. Please help me to trust in You; I’m so scared. I give him back to you.”

It was a tense prayer driving into the hospital in the middle of the night on Thursday, breathing through contractions and bleeding everywhere, begging that God would let us make it to the hospital in time. “Lord, I know that you love my son and I know that you love me. God, You have a plan and a purpose for his life. Please help me to trust in You; I’m so scared. I give him back to you.”

And it was a silent prayer last night, hearing his weight was dropping while waiting for my milk to come in. And while emotional and exhausted, I could still pray: “Lord, I know that you love my son and I know that you love me. God, you have a plan and a purpose for his life. Please help me to trust in You; I’m so scared. I give him back to you.”

It’s these prayers that I long to continue to pray as our new son grows into the man that God desires Him to be. And while he wasn’t born with a diagnosis of DS, we made it to the hospital in time, and my milk started coming in this afternoon, I pray we daily keep giving him back to the One Who created and loved him first.

Even when we’re scared.

Lauren Eberspacher

I'm Lauren and I'm a work-in-progress farmer's wife, coffee addict, follower of Jesus and a recovering perfectionist. When I don't have my three kids attached at my hip, you can find me bringing meals into the fields, dancing in my kitchen, making our house a home, and chatting over a piece of pie with my girl friends. I'm doing my best to live my life intentionally seeking all that God has for me and my family. Follow me at: www.fromblacktoptodirtroad.com From Blacktop to Dirt Road on Facebook laurenspach on Instagram

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