Adoption Journal

Adoption: “She LOOKS just like YOU!”

Written by Alissa Kay

Written by Alissa Kay

My family goes out as a family of 4 and people have no clue that we are an adoptive family. We look like any other family. Because of our openness, I wrongly assumed that it would be fairly obvious that we adopted our children. So far, no one has ever questioned our family’s authenticity. For that, I am glad. But it makes me sad that other adoptive families do get questioned about the “realness” of their family.

Instead I get weekly comments (yes, weekly) about how much my daughter looks like me. We also get quite a few comments about how our son resembles his daddy. I used to think we got those comments a lot. And we did; especially when Matt was a baby. The comments now are on a whole new level. My daughter DOES look like me. I guess. We have the same skin tone and we both get very tan in the summer (despite slathering on the sunscreen), we have dark hair and brown eyes. I think Kara is gorgeous, so I do enjoy being told she has my eyes. But I don’t NEED her to look like me to feel like her mom. I know she’s my daughter… and I’d love her just the same if she was my mini me or my complete opposite. I actually think she looks a lot like her (birth) grandma in Heaven. Sometimes I think we would still get the comments; even if it were obvious that we are an adoptive family. It’s a way to validate the family… even though we KNOW we’re family and don’t need any reassurance. Mother, father, son & daughter. None of us are related biologically; but we’re family through & through.

I never know how to respond to those comments that we get so often… sometimes I simply smile & say “thanks!” Sometimes, I respond with a slight chuckle saying “yeah, we get that a lot!” And sometimes, I share that my kids are adopted. And it blows people away. They are shocked. I usually go with the adoption answer if it’s someone I will come in contact with again… like at church. But when it’s the lil’
old lady at the grocery store, it’s just easier to agree with her.


When I pictured my family, I always pictured us to be an adoptive family. For whatever reason, I pictured it to be obvious. I wondered what comments we would get, would there be a lot of stares etc.  Honestly, I never thought we would blend in so easily. It might not be how I pictured my family, but I wouldn’t change it for the world…

…Well, I might be tempted to add a few more! 😉

About the author

Alissa Kay

Alissa was born and raised in the Midwest and currently calls Wisconsin home. She’s happily married to her college sweetheart and she’s living out her dreams of being a stay-at-home mom. Although, let’s be real, she’s hardly ever home. She’s the mom to 3 kids who all came to her via adoption. A boy (8) and 2 girls (6 and almost 4!). The kids keep her plenty busy, but when she has free time she enjoys a night out with friends or curling up with a good book.