Written by Alissa Kay

My family goes out as a family of 4 and people have no clue that we are an adoptive family. We look like any other family. Because of our openness, I wrongly assumed that it would be fairly obvious that we adopted our children. So far, no one has ever questioned our family’s authenticity. For that, I am glad. But it makes me sad that other adoptive families do get questioned about the “realness” of their family.

Instead I get weekly comments (yes, weekly) about how much my daughter looks like me. We also get quite a few comments about how our son resembles his daddy. I used to think we got those comments a lot. And we did; especially when Matt was a baby. The comments now are on a whole new level. My daughter DOES look like me. I guess. We have the same skin tone and we both get very tan in the summer (despite slathering on the sunscreen), we have dark hair and brown eyes. I think Kara is gorgeous, so I do enjoy being told she has my eyes. But I don’t NEED her to look like me to feel like her mom. I know she’s my daughter… and I’d love her just the same if she was my mini me or my complete opposite. I actually think she looks a lot like her (birth) grandma in Heaven. Sometimes I think we would still get the comments; even if it were obvious that we are an adoptive family. It’s a way to validate the family… even though we KNOW we’re family and don’t need any reassurance. Mother, father, son & daughter. None of us are related biologically; but we’re family through & through.

I never know how to respond to those comments that we get so often… sometimes I simply smile & say “thanks!” Sometimes, I respond with a slight chuckle saying “yeah, we get that a lot!” And sometimes, I share that my kids are adopted. And it blows people away. They are shocked. I usually go with the adoption answer if it’s someone I will come in contact with again… like at church. But when it’s the lil’
old lady at the grocery store, it’s just easier to agree with her.

When I pictured my family, I always pictured us to be an adoptive family. For whatever reason, I pictured it to be obvious. I wondered what comments we would get, would there be a lot of stares etc. Honestly, I never thought we would blend in so easily. It might not be how I pictured my family, but I wouldn’t change it for the world…

…Well, I might be tempted to add a few more! 😉

Alissa Kay

Alissa was born and raised in the Midwest and currently calls Wisconsin home. She's happily married to her college sweetheart and she's living out her dreams of being a stay-at-home mom. Although, let's be real, she's hardly ever home. She's the mom to 3 kids who all came to her via adoption. A boy (8) and 2 girls (6 and almost 4!). The kids keep her plenty busy, but when she has free time she enjoys a night out with friends or curling up with a good book.