Me, first thing in the morning: Good morning, baby. How did you sleep? Did you have the sweetest dreams? Gosh, I love you so much.
Me, 10 minutes later: HURRY UP. I DON’T KNOW WHERE YOUR SHOES ARE. THEY ARE NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY, BUT YOU’D BETTER FIND THEM
AND YOU’D BETTER FIND THEM FAST, OR ELSE. I SWEAR . . . NO. NO, YOU MAY NOT HAVE COOKIES FOR BREAKFAST. YOU GET WHAT YOU GET. I AM A PERSON, NOT A BREAKFAST BUFFET.
IT IS TIME FOR SCHOOL THOUGH. STOP MOVING IN SLOTH MODE AND GOOOOOOO!
Me, 10 minutes later: Bye, honey. Have a great day at school. I can’t wait to pick you up. HURRY AND GET OUT OF THE CAR. PEOPLE BEHIND US ARE WAITING.
Me, at pick-up: Hi, sweetie! How was your day? I want to hear all about it! I missed you!
Me 10 minutes later: NO. WE CANNOT STOP AT McDONALD’S FOR A HAPPY MEAL. STOP CRYING. YOU JUST HAD ONE YESTERDAY. SOME KIDS GO THEIR WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT EVER GETTING A HAPPY MEAL. I WILL HAPPY MEAL YOU IF YOU DON’T STOP FIGHTING. BE GRATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU HAVE. DO I NEED TO STOP THE CAR, BECAUSE YOU KNOW I WILL. STOP WHINING NOW.
Me, at bedtime: Good night, baby. I love you so much and I had the best day with you. I am so so so proud of who you are and who you are going to be. Sweet dreams. Jesus loves you.
Me, 10 minutes later: GET BACK IN BED. YOU DON’T NEED ANOTHER GLASS OF WATER AND THE BLANKET YOU HAVE IS JUST FINE. IT’S NOT SCRATCHY. JESUS BETTER LOVE YOU, CAUSE YOU WILL BE IN BIG TROUBLE IF YOU GET OUT OF THAT BED ONE MORE TIME.
Me, 10 seconds later: OK, I love you, good night. BUT SERIOUSLY—DO NOT GET OUT OF BED AGAIN. I love you so much. BUT SERIOUSLY.
❤️ Motherhood is a very strange glass cage of emotion and a complete mix of going back and forth between acting like Mary Poppins and The Hulk. ❤️