Dear Mom, I’m All Grown Up But I Still Need You

Dear Mom,

I get it now. I get why you would hide in your bathroom and beg us to leave you alone. You weren’t being selfish or crabby. You were frustrated and suffocating. I get it now because now I’m the mom hiding in my own bathroom.

Becoming a mom myself gave me an entirely new appreciation for my own mom. I got to see things from your perspective and understand your frustrations. Being a mom is not an easy job, and I am both glad and grateful that you showed me by example to do it with grace, but that it was okay to fall and falter sometimes. Moms are human beings, too, and it is so relieving to know I am not the only one who has a hard time some days. Your honesty about your own imperfections is something I hope to show my kids. We all have emotions, moms included, and sometimes we have bad days. It’s OK though, and it doesn’t change how much we love our children. 

My kids are still toddlers and babies so they obviously require all of my attention. I have a hard time hearing myself think beyond my toddler’s insistent questioning. My baby is physically attached to me practically 24-hours a day. It can be so draining. Escaping for just a few moments to compose myself and take a few deep breaths is honestly the reason I am still hanging on to a shred of sanity some days.

So, Mom, I’m sorry for all of those times I wouldn’t listen and leave you be. I get now that you were just trying to find your own thoughts and get some ground under your feet. You just needed a chance to sit down for a second because we ran you in 100 different directions at all hours of the day.

Though I’m grown and have my own family now, you’re still the person I come to when things get crazy. You’re still the one I call when I’m scared, worried, or have a question. You listen patiently and give solid experienced advice without throwing it in my face that I was once the kid giving you a hard time. I was once the reason you locked yourself in the bathroom, but you’re still my confidant and supporter when I’m hiding from my own kids for a moment of peace. You’ve been there and remind me this is only temporary. It’s a season of life, and I’ll be OK. I’m sure my own kids will certainly give me a run for my money in their teenage years like I did to you. I know I’ll miss the days when they’re underfoot and clinging to me because you’ve told me so.

Everything I learned about being a mom, I learned from you (minus the cooking part). You provided me with a great example for a nurturing, compassionate, and empathetic mother. Now I am glad to have you as my mom and for my kids to have those qualities in their grandma.

Becoming a mother myself has completely redefined our relationship, and I am so lucky to be the girl who considers her mom to be one of her best friends. I honestly didn’t think we’d be those people. Our relationship is much healthier and happier. We get along like I never thought possible because we don’t butt heads over the little things anymore. I’ve learned that there is merit to your advice and actually seek out your opinion when I have a problem.

Thank you for acknowledging my hard work and exhaustion. Thank you for telling me that the bags under my eyes are just proof that I’m doing what I should as a mom. And mostly thank you for being there for me when it doesn’t feel like everything is OK, for listening to my endless venting, and for having my back when my kids wear me out. They are lucky to have such an involved, loving grandma.

Love,
Your daughter