I was still pregnant the first time someone asked if I was done having kids since we had a boy already and a girl on the way. I’ve had people assume this several times since then, and it still gets under my skin every time. Why should everyone assume I’m going to stop? Why do they think two is enough? What if I want more?
Comments that suggest I should be done just make me feel guilty for considering more. Is there something wrong with having more than two kids? The facial responses I’ve seen on the occasions when I’ve responded, “No, I’m not done,” certainly seem to suggest that I’m making a poor decision.
My husband and I still only have two children, but we do hope to have more.
When we were engaged, we played those cheesy bridal shower games when you had to guess answers about the bride and groom. Our answer to the question of how many kids do you want was as many as God gives us. That answer is still true.
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We will lovingly accept any and all children God gives us, but my vocal answer is a bit more nuanced now that I’m a bit older—at least one more than we have right now. My motto now: One child at a time. One pregnancy at a time. One childbirth experience at a time. One day at a time. And today? We want at least three.
In my dream future, my daughter has at least one sister, and my son has at least one brother. So will we be done after three? Maybe, but probably not. We might not even be done after four. Or maybe we will. I don’t know what the future has in store for us, or what God has planned. One child at a time. And as many children as He gives us.
I don’t think I’m selfish in wanting more than two children.
Children are meant to be gifts, and if God chooses to be overwhelmingly generous to me, I will accept those children happily and willingly. And I don’t think I’m choosing my own happiness over that of my children. I think they will love having brothers and sisters.
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Our children will be loved and cared for, and as I’ve learned, the love in my mother’s heart does not get divided with each new birth. It is multiplied. I knew I was ready for another child when my love for the first became so painfully overwhelming that I thought my heart might explode. My love for my firstborn son overflowed, making room in my expanding heart for his sister. And now? I’m feeling that pain again, and my heart longs for another child to love.
I don’t think I’m doing the world a disservice by choosing to have more children.
I know some people believe we have a moral duty to reduce our environmental footprint by limiting the number of children we have. People argue that the world is already overpopulated, so we have a moral obligation not to add to the problem. But I don’t think my family, or large families in general, are to blame.
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We behave responsibly and teach our children that we are meant to be caretakers of this planet. We recycle, reuse, and conserve in our house, and we have taught our children to do likewise (or will teach them). I do believe we are meant to care for this world as a gift from God, but this world has been given to our children, as much as it has been given to us, and as the Giver, God has every right to decide just how many children He desires to receive this gift.
I don’t think a husband and wife with their one son and one daughter necessarily make the perfect family. There is no perfect family. We are all human after all. We make mistakes. We make poor decisions from time to time.
We are not perfect, but there is love here.
And right now we are confident that our love is overflowing to the point where a third child needs to be welcomed into our family to receive that overwhelming love. So no, we are not done having kids, but thank you for sharing your opinion. I hope you’ll be willing to allow me to share mine as well.