Each school night, somewhere between 8:30 and 9 pm, my three teenagers begrudgingly leave their phones on what I lovingly refer to as my containment counter.

I wish I could say they go to bed after this transition of power, but it’s usually not the case. Someone often has to finish studying for a test or put together their practice bag for the next day or make a poster.

But, these “smart” phones—they stay on the counter until the next morning. And I often hover nearby to make sure no one is tempted to run off with one.

Sure, I’ll let them check an email from a teacher or text a friend about a ride, but for the most part, the scrolling part of their day is finito.

It’s not so much about trust. I mean, if my kids are going to choose to look at porn or communicate with strangers, they are just as likely to do it in the broad daylight then in the dark.

And I could use an app or the screen monitoring function on their iPhones, but I like that they have to detach from the tentacles of their devices.

Because there’s one thing I won’t negotiate about in my house, one thing I’ve learned that impacts my kids’ moods the most, one thing that changes the entire dynamic of my relationship with my kids, and it comes down to five little letters: SLEEP.

The research is clear: when teenagers have screens in their bedrooms, it interferes with their slumber. End of story. A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) found that children ages six to 18 had an 88 percent higher risk of not sleeping enough when devices were in the bedroom and a 53 percent higher risk of getting a bad night’s sleep—and that’s when devices were in the bedroom just three nights a week.

Most nights, after my kids plug their phones in and head upstairs to get ready for bed, I see the notifications flying on their phones. Messages coming in through Instagram and emails and texts. They come in fast and furious from 9 p.m. until I head upstairs to bed. I’ve seen them as late as 11:30 p.m. and as early as 5 a.m. There is no way my daughters would be able to ignore that—even in sleep mode.

Sometimes I wonder, am I babying my kids too much? Should I let them regulate their phone usage? Am I the only one who sees this as a problem?

It’s tempting to make concessions.

But then, I think about how busy my girls are right now with academics and sports and social outings, how we are constantly trying to deal with feelings of anxiety and stress, and how we are trying to keep their overflowing emotions in check. With that in mind, my decisions are much simpler, my resolve stronger.

I recall that when my teens are pushed to their limits and don’t get enough sleep, my normally even-keeled kids lash out at me, complain more, and have less patience for everything in their life.

I also know that checking social media right before you go to sleep is unhealthy, and I hear the stories of kids waking up throughout the night to monitor the likes on a post, Snap back or just see what they missed.

As a mom of teenagers, I’ve accepted that social media is the new mall, and it’s their place to try on identities and figure out who they want to be in this world.

And I know it’s not all bad. Sometimes it promotes healthy behavior, like activism or interests, and sometimes it can be negative, like producing anxiety because they feel left out or in a constant state of FOMO.

So, I let my kids participate in the New World Order.

But only between the hours of 7 a.m. to 8:30 p.m.

After that, we’re closed and, when possible, getting a few extra zzzs.

Originally published on Playdates on Fridays by Whitney Fleming

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Whitney Fleming

Whitney is a mom of three teen daughters, a freelance writer, and co-partner of the site parentingteensandtweens.com You can find her on Facebook at WhitneyFlemingWrites.

This Time In the Passenger Seat is Precious

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen
Teen driver with parent in passenger seat

When you’re parenting preteens and teens, it sometimes feels like you are an unpaid Uber driver. It can be a thankless job. During busy seasons, I spend 80 percent of my evenings driving, parking, dropping off, picking up, sitting in traffic, running errands, waiting in drive-thru lines. I say things like buckle your seat belt, turn that music down a little bit, take your trash inside, stop yelling—we are in the car, keep your hands to yourself, don’t make me turn this car around, get your feet off the back of the seat, this car is not a trash can,...

Keep Reading

Sometimes Our Teens Need Blue Box Love

In: Motherhood, Teen
Container with macaroni and cheese, color photo

Sometimes loving a teen looks like making new Kraft Mac & Cheese at 4 a.m. My oldest packs her lunch about every day. Her cooking skills are meek at best. Last night she came home in her own head after a ball game. However, she was determined to make Mac & Cheese for her lunch today. RELATED: Being a Teen is Hard Enough—Go Ahead and Take the Easy Road Once in Awhile After she made it with a little more coaching than she cared for, she leaked out it still wasn’t good. Her noodles were far too underdone. It was...

Keep Reading

My Teen with Special Needs is Doing High School at His Pace, Not Mine

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teen putting books in backpack

The journey of a special needs parent is both stunningly beautiful and utterly heartbreaking. Often with one coming closely on the heels of the other or at the same time. I have made my peace that our parenting journey doesn’t look like everyone else’s. But it doesn’t mean this year is an easy one. This year my son should be in his senior year of high school with senior pictures, parties, and all the fun senior things to look forward to. It should be a year of celebration. But our year isn’t going to look like that. RELATED: Older Kids...

Keep Reading

Two Things My Teens Must Do Before They’re Allowed To Date

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teens lying on grass with feet crossed

When I was a little girl, I asked my dad when I could date. His response was like most dads to their daughters, half joking he said, “Never!” As I got a little older, I asked again and less jokingly that time he said, “You’re too young. Wait til you’re older.” When I was a full-fledged teenager (and thinking I was “grown enough”), I asked again, and his response was just a long exasperated sigh. We had reached the point of inevitability so there really were no words or jokes to be made. Looking back now, as a mom with...

Keep Reading

“It Looks and Tastes Like Candy.” Mom Shares Warning about THC Gummies All Parents Need to Hear

In: Kids, Living, Teen
Hand holding bottle of THC gummies

What Aimee Larsen first thought was a stomach bug turned out to be something much more terrifying for her young son. Her 9-year-old woke up one day last week seeming “lethargic, barely able to stand or speak,” his mom shared in a Facebook post. At first, she assumed he had a virus, but something about his behavior just didn’t seem right. She called an ambulance and asked her older sons if their brother might have gotten into something, like cough syrup or another over-the-counter medicine. Their answer? “Yeah, THC gummies.” THC gummies are an edible form of cannabis that contain...

Keep Reading

I Want to Be My Teen’s Friend, but First I Have to Be His Mother

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen boy smiling wearing a hoodie

He’s 13. I could stop there, and most parents would simply shake their heads, give me a look of sympathy, and simply say, “It gets better.” My too-cool-for-school kid did a complete 180 in his seventh-grade year. Always at the top of his class academically, he stopped studying, stopped doing homework, stopped caring about grades. I tried to talk to him about it, but all I got were eye rolls, barely audible teenage slang that made no sense to this Gen-X mom, and the slamming of a door. He doesn’t even need the large “Stay Out” poster on his bedroom...

Keep Reading

I Had to Learn to Say “I’m Sorry” to My Kids

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom hugs tween daughter

My two oldest kiddos are at the front end of their teen years. I remember that time in my own life. I was loud, somewhat dramatic, I let my hormones control me, and I never—ever—apologized. This last part was because no one ever really taught me the value of apology or relationship repair. Now, I could do some parent blaming here but let’s be real, if you were a kid whose formative years were scattered between the late ’80s and early ’90s, did you get apologies from your parents? If so, count that blessing! Most parents were still living with...

Keep Reading

Sweet Commercial About A Dad and Daughter Reconnecting Over Taylor Swift Has Us Teary

In: Motherhood, News, Teen, Tween
father and daughter cuddled up on the couch watching football

It’s hard for any girl dad to imagine a time when his daughter will stop wanting to spend time with him. But seemingly overnight, she can go from a devoted daddy’s girl to a prickly, detached teen who is much more interested in what’s happening on her phone than hanging out with her old man. Suddenly it can feel like there is no common ground between them, and shared interests are few and far between. But this NFL season has been different for football-loving dads and their Swiftie daughters. A heartwarming commercial from Cetaphil with the tagline, “A New Sports...

Keep Reading

Watching Your Big Kids Blossom is a Blessing

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Tween and mother preparing food

A little over a week ago, I received a call from my dad, and over the next 12 hours regarding my mom, I heard words and phrases like bad fall, ambulance, ER, something on the CT scan, and broken arm. By the next morning, I told my husband I wanted to take our two oldest children, 12 and 14, and make the four-hour trip to my parents’ house. He didn’t hesitate to agree to take care of the four youngest, and my oldest two agreed to quickly pack a suitcase and hop in the truck with me. As we headed...

Keep Reading

In These Teen Years, I Wonder If I’m Doing Enough

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Boy walking in the ocean surf

It’s a strange feeling to look back at all the years as a parent and wonder if I am doing enough. My boys are teens. One of them has just a few baby steps left until he heads into life after living under our roof. He is fiercely independent. One of those kids who I have for my whole life mistaken for being years older than he actually is. The kind of kid who can hold a conversation that reminds you of when you are out with your friends enjoying a bottle of wine at a restaurant made for middle-aged...

Keep Reading