I became a mom six years ago. Since the beginning of my motherhood journey, everyone mentioned the importance of finding a village and creating relationships. I was told how lonely motherhood could be at times and that searching for the right people to grow as a parent would be beneficial. What nobody prepared me for was the lack of extroverted mothers out there.
I have always considered myself friendly and outgoing. Even though I really make time for my self-care and alone time, being surrounded by others and having conversations and days out is crucial for me. Part of my self-care is having friends.
Having friendships, for me, goes beyond playdates. I need interaction outdoors and indoors. I need night outs, I need walks around the neighborhood, I need shared memes, brunch, our kids getting along. I need more interaction than just seeing you once a month and you canceling every plan in between. I need someone I can confide in, someone I can share about my days, someone who will ask if I am okay. Everyone needs that someone.
Something no one prepared me for is that being an extroverted mother would be tough and lonely.
Many talk about introverted parents—the ones with social anxiety, the ones who struggle to get the kids out of the house—but no one mentions how for someone like me, who is friendly and outgoing, finding relationships is tough when no one wants to leave home. Many talk about how others struggle but extroverts like me struggle as well.
It seems like no one wants to create memories outside their comfy home, no one wants park days, museum visits, movie nights. No one wants to spend time outside their house, yet all I want is to feel the sunshine.
And yes, I have tried. I have tried setting up days out. I have tried talking to other moms in hopes they would want to do something outside their normal plans. I believe that everything good comes with the work you put behind it. I know there is a village for everyone out there, but it is hard to understand how some want it but are not willing to put in the work it takes.
Finding a group of mothers you can share the journey with is such a blessing. Finding someone you can explore with, vent to, raise your kids alongside—that is how life in my eyes is meant to be. No one needs to be alone all the time. No one needs to tackle motherhood on their own. You need support to make it through.
No one thinks extroverts have vulnerabilities as well. We put ourselves out there to make friends constantly, we keep trying because having these relationships is important. However, no one sees that as an issue because we are always smiling and staying positive despite the outcome. That is how we are.
In the end, having an extrovert as a friend can help you find yourself, try new things, grow as a mother, and be open to the possibilities this parenting journey has to offer. I understand that not everyone might be your cup of tea, I know you will not get along with everyone that comes your way, and finding friends comes with a lot of trial and error. But when you finally find one or two or three people whose families become like your own . . . isn’t that a wonderful feeling?
To know that someone cares for you and your little ones as much as you do. To see you are not alone anymore and you have someone you can call when you need help. Someone you can spend time with. A friend.
Raising children without a village is tough. Being a mother without the support of a village is tough. Being an extroverted mom surrounded by introverted moms is tough.
If these are all tough, why do it alone when you do not have to?
I will keep searching.