Gifts for Dad ➔

On Saturday September 26th 2015 my life was forever changed. My husband and I were anxiously awaiting the arrival of our third child. We have two sons, Ethan (3) and Eli (1) and we didn’t find out the gender of our babies so we were excited for the big day to come. This was our surprise child and we couldn’t be more happy to add another little one to our family. 

I started having contractions around 6 in the evening, I was definitely in the beginning stages of labor. We decided to go into the hospital around 8:00 pm. Once I got there, I told the nurse I wasn’t feeling well and thought I was about to pass out. My blood pressure dropped and they knew something wasn’t right.

I ended up having a placental abruption without any warning signs.

Within 30 minutes they had the baby out via a C-section. Our beautiful daughter, Eva Anne, was born with a heartbeat but never took a breath. I lost a lot of blood and had to receive four transfusions. I was in the ICU for the night. Everything happened so quickly that we could barely grasp what was going on. But in the moment of all the chaos I had such a peace from the Lord.

The bible says that He gives peace that passes all understanding Phil 4:7. I could feel it and I knew before I went under that my baby was safe in the arms of Jesus. I am grateful that the Lord spared my life, that I could still be a wife and mother to my boys. I will forever be thankful for my doctor and the staff at Mary Lanning Memorial Hospital and their excellent speedy work. Our families came right away and were able to hold her and say goodbye. My cousin is a photographer and more like a sister to me. She took pictures to capture the beauty of our daughter. I will always treasure having those pictures to remember her and also to show to her brothers. I want to talk about her and remember that God blessed us with her life, even though it was only nine months in my tummy. 

When I think of grief it reminds me of the ocean. There are times it is calm, you feel that you are doing OK and finding some joy in life. Then out of nowhere, a big powerful wave comes over you. You struggle to even take a breath. You wonder if you can survive this wave that has taken you off your feet. For me that is where my faith comes into play. The Lord throws me a lifeline and helps me overcome and to breathe again. My husband and I were blessed with a trip to Hawaii after losing Eva. It was a great time for us to get away and to spend some quality time together. I loved sitting on the beach and just watching the ocean. The power in the waves and the beauty of God’s creation. 

Grief is a big shadow that wants to take over you and at times I feel it so strong. But there is a savior that if you ask He will help you bear the burden. I am thankful because of the sacrifice of Jesus, that one day I will see my daughter again. We have seen so many blessings come from Eva’s short life on this earth. We have felt an outpouring of love and support from family, friends, and our community. My heart and arms long to have my daughter back. My aunt who has also lost a child told me, “You have now joined a club that no one wants to join.” I want our story to be able to minister to others that are in this club who are grieving the lost of a child. We can support each other with understanding and prayer. Although it seems like life won’t go on there is a joy that only comes from the Lord from our mourning. 

Now 6 months after Eva’s birth, I can see how much I have grown in so many ways. Yes, I think of her everyday, what stages she would be going through, how she would have been playing with her brothers, how I would have dressed her up in cute clothes and hair bows. She will always be our first born daughter. Even though her life was so short, I have learned so much from her. I take time to see the beauty in the things around me, the importance of relationships with others, spending time with the boys and making lasting memories with them, and just slowing down to really enjoy the life that the Lord has blessed me with. 

Faith Gave Us Strength After Losing Our Daughter From Placental Abruption   www.herviewfromhome.com

Faith Gave Us Strength After Losing Our Daughter From Placental Abruption   www.herviewfromhome.com

Faith Gave Us Strength After Losing Our Daughter From Placental Abruption   www.herviewfromhome.com

Faith Gave Us Strength After Losing Our Daughter From Placental Abruption   www.herviewfromhome.com

 

 

 

 

Stephanie Holl

My husband Jon and I have been married for almost 6 years. We live on the family farm with our boys in central Nebraska. Jon and I both work for the family seed business Green Cover Seed. I only work part time and most of my time is spent being a mom to Ethan (4) and Eli (1 1/2). I love Jesus, coffee, and family. I enjoy being a house wife, teaching Ethan preschool, volunteering at church and spending time building relationships with others.

My Baby Was Stillborn, But Still Born

In: Child Loss, Grief
My Baby Was Stillborn, But Still Born www.herviewfromhome.com

My baby was stillborn, but still born. In a cool white hospital room where so many had been born before. My body trembled and shook as his body worked its way out of my womb and into the hands of a doctor. He was void of breath, of sound, of movement, but he was still born. My baby was stillborn, but still lived. In the darkness of my womb. The outline of his body was visible against the darkness of the screen, his presence undeniable. The sound of his heartbeat drowned out the sound of mine as I watched his...

Keep Reading

I Am Not My Child’s Death

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Faith, Grief
I Am Not My Child's Death www.herviewfromhome.com

We are NOT what has happened to us or what this world says we are. That is not what defines us. While we are grieving parents, that is not what our whole story has to be about. Although, at times, we feel that our story is over. We ask, how do we go on and live full lives without our sweet Sophie with us? I’m still not 100 percent sure I know the answer to that. BUT the Lord says I am beloved. I am redeemed and accepted. I am holy and chosen. I am righteous and complete. I am...

Keep Reading

The Hardest Moments After Losing a Child

In: Child Loss, Grief, Motherhood
The Hardest Moments After Losing a Child www.herviewfromhome.com

Within the first three months following the death of my newborn daughter, I participated in one baby shower, attended two first birthday parties, had multiple infants in and around my home, and watched not one, not two, but five of my closest friends take happy, healthy babies home from the hospital. And in the midst of my own life-altering experience, I purchased, wrapped, and mailed a gift to every one of those new babies, because they deserved one. In the days and months after my daughter died, I didn’t run away or hide from babies at all. And this seemed...

Keep Reading

6 Commitments I Made to Myself After Child Loss

In: Child Loss, Grief, Kids, Motherhood
6 Commitments I Made to Myself After Child Loss www.herviewfromhome.com

Following the death of our infant daughter, I found myself facing an opportunity to activate the immense power of personal choice. Time and time again. Hour after hour, day after day. It felt as if every moment that passed provided me with a choice: to let the grief consume me, or not. In the midst of the most emotionally complex experience of my life, my ability to survive felt as simple as that. Will grief consume me, or not? Once I began believing that Olivia had lived out her life’s plan completely—that she had come, she had loved, she had...

Keep Reading

To the Moms and Dads Who Suffer Loss: You Are Not Alone

In: Child Loss, Grief, Infertility, Motherhood
To the Moms and Dads Who Suffer Loss: You Are Not Alone www.herviewfromhome.com

You are walking the hardest path anyone will ever walk—living this life without your children. Your losses have come in many shapes and sizes. You’ve lost tiny heartbeats early in the womb. You’ve screamed and sobbed through labor to deliver a silent but perfect little bundle. You’ve held a fragile infant for hours, days, weeks, or months, only to give him back to Heaven. You’ve watched your little one grow into a curious toddler and then held her a final time as disease or an accident took her away. You’ve lived a full childhood with your baby and even watched...

Keep Reading

A Letter to My Mama, From Your Baby in Heaven

In: Child Loss, Faith, Grief, Miscarriage
A Letter to My Mama, From Your Baby in Heaven www.herviewfromhome.com

Dear Mama, I know you miss me and wish you could watch me grow up. But instead, you sit in that rocking chair, tears streaming down your face, arms wrapped around the blanket that was supposed to be mine. I see you crying, Mama, wishing you could hold me. Wishing you could look into my eyes. Wishing you could hear me cry or call you “Mama”. I want you to know Jesus rocks me to sleep every night and while He does it, He tells me all about you. I know tulips are your favorite flower and that every spring...

Keep Reading

God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle

In: Child Loss, Faith, Grief
God Actually Does Give Us More Than We Can Handle www.herviewfromhome.com

I used to be someone who said, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” That was before I had faced any hardships in my life. I didn’t know who God truly is. When people are going through something hard and decide to share it, it makes people uncomfortable. It’s hard to watch others who are hurting, and it’s hard not knowing how to help when it’s someone you love. “God doesn’t give us more than we can handle” is a very well-meaning encouragement that I know is meant in love. I’ve said it before! But it’s not really...

Keep Reading

Why I Got a Tattoo With My Teenage Daughters

In: Child Loss, Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Why I Got a Tattoo With My Teenage Daughters www.herviewfromhome.com

“We should get a tattoo, Mom.” I laughed. I knew it was just my younger daughter, Sarah’s way of getting herself a tattoo—to go along with her nose ring, and six ear piercings. She didn’t really want me to get one. Did she? “Truth!” My oldest, more conservative daughter, Elle, chimed in. “We should all go.” What? Home from college just five minutes, maybe she was bored. I heard tattoos really hurt and she hates pain, like I do. I glared at my two daughters, now 17 and 19. They can read my mind. I knew it! There was something...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Proven techniques to build REAL connections