Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in vows, in forever, in good times and bad. I believe in miracles, in forgiveness, in walking through the broken parts in prayer and grit and hopefulness. And I’ve lived it. I’ve walked through deep valleys, forgiven, and found redemption in the most unlikely of places by the grace of God. I believe that He can restore, even from the darkest depths.

I love stories like Lysa TerKeurst’s, a beautiful journey of restoration. But I remember her originally detailing Part A of her failing marriage in a blog post a couple of years ago. I remember wincing, reading about incredibly intimate, seemingly-private, years-long struggles with her husband’s addiction and infidelity. I hated that she’d felt obligated to share those parts with the world. But I knew why she’d had to let her conservative Christian fanbase crawl into her most tender wounds: her decision had to be justified. It must be. If not, she’d be publicly lambasted, thrown to the ground amongst a jeering crowd for choosing “the easier path”. Her choice would not “qualify” under the oh-so-black-and-white rules.

And as someone who has chosen to stay, who has walked upstream, I get it. I get the temptation to throw stones, to assume you didn’t work as hard as me; you are giving up too soon or lacking faith or not taking your vows seriously.

We compare MY hard with YOUR hard and assume we understand; that somehow it’s measurable, comparable.

Well, my marriage has been hard, too, but I stuck it out, we think. We worked through it. That’s just marriage. It’s hard work. There’s no such thing as an easy one. And it’s true. There isn’t.

But all too often, somebody else’s hard looks a lot like subtle, discreet, manipulative emotional abuse that is impossible for an outsider to detect. It looks like losing pieces of yourself, of cowering in fear, of believing the lies another spews over you and through you and into your very soul. 

And you would never guess it, from the outside.

I believe in the sanctity of marriage. But I don’t believe marriage was created to be a prison, a trap, caging spouses in toxic, dysfunctional, emotionally eroding homes. Sure, I believe in accountability, but I don’t believe any of us can ever understand what’s been going on behind closed doors.

And all too often, our good intentions of wanting homes to remain unbroken, of giving men and women holy advice to dig their heels in and work harder, of referring them to Scripture and telling them we are praying for them, of unintentionally heaping guilt, we are building up concrete walls around a husband and a wife who are literally DYING inside. Spiritually, emotionally, physically losing their lives and their faith in a good, loving Father.

Friends, I believe in the holiness of marriage. There is great purpose in it. The hard parts are the best parts for many of us because they refine and mold us into more Christlike humans. I long for everyone to thrive as a whole, complete nuclear family. And I absolutely believe in and wholeheartedly hate the enemy who continues to infiltrate them both.

But I also believe God’s grace and redemption that are big enough to cover any and every other sin is big enough to cover divorce, too. And those two beliefs are not mutually exclusive. And if God can have grace for us, can’t we have grace for each other?

Nobody wants to give permission. We’re all scared to say it’s OK. We don’t want anyone to get the idea that they can just walk away when it’s hard. Because we know, inevitably, it will be.

But sometimes hard is not just hard. It’s debilitating, soul-crushing, heartbreaking, life-taking. It’s one person desperately struggling just to survive, while another is kicking and stomping and sucking the life out of them day after day after day.

But can we all just agree on this: Jesus is enough.

Jesus is enough to restore a marriage. Jesus is enough to restore a divorce. Jesus is enough to repair deep wounds. Jesus is enough to heal heartbreak. Jesus is enough to make us whole again. Jesus is enough to fill our emptiness, to forgive us, to give us new life. Even after death. Even after the death of a marriage.

Our desire is always for restoration. We hope for that, of course. But if not, know this, my friend: God is still for you.

He was for you in your marriage and he’s still for you. He’s for your soul, for your heart, for your life, for your eternity.

There’s redemption in marriage, of course. But I’m going to say what nobody else wants to: there is redemption in divorce, too.

You may also like:

The Secret to Marriage is Loads of Grace

I Was Better Off Divorced

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at

God Had Different Plans

In: Faith, Motherhood
Silhouette of family swinging child between two parents

As I sip my twice-reheated coffee holding one baby and watching another run laps around the messy living room, I catch bits and pieces of the Good Morning America news broadcast. My mind drifts off for a second to the dreams I once had of being the one on the screen. Live from New York City with hair and makeup fixed before 6 a.m. I really believed that would be me. I just knew I’d be the one telling the mama with unwashed hair and tired eyes about the world events that happened overnight while she rocked babies and pumped milk....

Keep Reading

This Will Not Last Forever

In: Faith, Motherhood
Woman looking at sunset

“This will not last forever,” I wrote those words on the unfinished walls above my daughter’s changing table. For some reason, it got very tiring to change her diapers. Nearly three years later, the words are still there though the changing table no longer is under them. While my house is still unfinished so I occasionally see those words, that stage of changing diapers for her has moved on. She did grow up, and I got a break. Now I do it for her baby brother. I have been reminding myself of the seasons of life again. Everything comes and...

Keep Reading

God Calls Me Flawless

In: Faith, Living
Note hanging on door, color photo

When I look in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see. I tend to focus on every imperfection, every flaw. As I age, more wrinkles naturally appear. And I’ve never been high maintenance, so the gray hairs are becoming more frequent, too. Growing up a lot of negative words were spoken about me: my body, my weight, my hair, my build. Words I’ve somehow carried my whole life. The people who proclaimed them as my truth don’t even remember what they said, I’m sure. But that’s the power of negative words. Sticks and stones may break our bones,...

Keep Reading

Your Husband Needs Friendship Too

In: Faith, Friendship, Marriage
3 men smiling outside

As the clock inches closer to 7:00 on a Monday evening, I pull out whatever dessert I had prepared that week and set it out on the kitchen counter. This particular week it’s a trifle, but other weeks it may be brownies, pound cake, or cookies of some kind. My eyes do one last sweep to make sure there isn’t a tripping hazard disguised as a dog toy on the floor and that the leftover dinner is put away. Then, my kids and I make ourselves scarce. Sometimes that involves library runs or gym visits, but it mostly looks like...

Keep Reading

This Is Why Moms Ask for Experience Gifts

In: Faith, Living, Motherhood
Mother and young daughter under Christmas lights wearing red sweaters

When a mama asks for experience gifts for her kids for Christmas, please don’t take it as she’s ungrateful or a Scrooge. She appreciates the love her children get, she really does. But she’s tired. She’s tired of the endless number of toys that sit in the bottom of a toy bin and never see the light of day. She’s tired of tripping over the hundreds of LEGOs and reminding her son to pick them up so the baby doesn’t find them and choke. She’s tired of having four Elsa dolls (we have baby Elsa, Barbie Elsa, a mini Elsa,...

Keep Reading

When You Just Don’t Feel Like Christmas

In: Faith, Living
Woman sad looking out a winter window

It’s hard to admit, but some years I have to force myself to decorate for Christmas. Some years the lights look a little dimmer. The garlands feel a bit heavier. And the circumstances of life just aren’t wrapped in a big red bow like I so wish they were. Then comparison creeps in like a fake Facebook friend and I just feel like hiding under the covers and skipping it all. Because I know there’s no way to measure up to the perfect life “out there.” And it all just feels heavier than it used to. Though I feel alone,...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

To the Woman Longing to Become a Mother

In: Faith, Grief, Motherhood
Woman looking at pregnancy test with hand on her head and sad expression

To the woman who is struggling with infertility. To the woman who is staring at another pregnancy test with your flashlight or holding it up in the light, praying so hard that there will be even the faintest line. To the woman whose period showed up right on time. To the woman who is just ready to quit. I don’t know the details of your story. I don’t know what doctors have told you. I don’t know how long you have been trying. I don’t know how many tears you have shed. I don’t know if you have lost a...

Keep Reading

I Was There to Walk My Mother to Heaven

In: Faith, Grief, Loss
Hand holding older woman's hand

I prayed to see my momma die. Please don’t click away yet or judge me harshly after five seconds. I prayed to see, to experience, to be in the room, to be a part of every last millisecond of my momma’s final days, final hours, and final moments here on Earth. You see, as a wife of a military man, I have always lived away from my family. I have missed many birthdays, celebrations, dinners, and important things. But my heart couldn’t miss this important moment. I live 12 hours away from the room in the house where my momma...

Keep Reading

God Sent Me to You

In: Faith, Motherhood
Newborn gazing at mother with father smiling down

I was a little unsure As I left God’s warm embrace: What will it be like? What challenges will I face? There were so many questions Running through my mind. I asked around for the answers I was hoping to find. Who will hold me And cuddle me tight? Who will rock me To sleep at night? RELATED: The Newborn Nights Feel As Endless As My Love For You Who will comfort me When I’ve had a rough day? Who will be there To take my worries away? Who will nourish me And make sure I grow? Who will read...

Keep Reading