Our Keepsake Journal is Here! 🎉

Dear moms of littles,

I get it. You’re touched out. You’re worn out. You haven’t slept a full night in . . . what’s today? You’re unshowered and most definitely unshaven. And you have SO MUCH TO DO. The dishes, the laundry, the sweeping.

I know what you’re thinking, Maybe if he’d just help me out every once in a while, I’d have more time and energy for those kinds of things.

I hear you. By the end of the day, everything in your tank is completely dried up. And I mean everything.

But let me tell you a story.

A few years ago, my friend dropped a bomb in the middle of a conversation. We both had small children and were in the throes of the “trenches.”

“I’ve resolved to never say no to sex.”

My initial reaction was a cringe face, then shock, followed by a wee bit of judgement, which might have included a smidge of indignation. It seemed a little extreme, honestly, and a lot 1950s.

“So I was talking to an older woman the other day,” she continued. “She’s been married 50 years and told me she decided when they were younger to never turn him down, because it was important to him, which meant it was important to her, too. She said there were many times she really didn’t feel like it, but NEVER, not once, did she regret it afterwards. It always brought them closer together. And she was always glad she did it.”

It made a little sense. By no means did she convince me in that instant that I should follow her lead, but she planted a seed of interest.

I don’t remember ever making any grand resolutions, and I definitely never said anything out loud to my husband (duh), but gradually, with her voice echoing in my mind, I decided to give it a trial run: try it her way a few times and just see what happens.

Even when I was tired. Even when I was feeling frumpy. Even when I hadn’t lost the baby weight.

Well, a few times turned into a few months which turned into a few years. And I can honestly say, I have never, not once, regretted saying yes. And there have been many, many times I have not wanted to.

During that time, I’ve added a couple (difficult) babies, moved four times, and started a work-from-home business. I’ve had countless sleepless nights and exhausting days. I’ve been over-touched. So many nights I’ve wanted to crawl into a dark closet and sleep for a week. I’ve wanted to roll over and flip that “CLOSED” sign.

But I can say, unequivocally, that our active sex life has made our marriage better during the single-most stressful years of our marriage. I could always tell when it had been a while—we would become more impatient with one another and the children. And when it hadn’t been a while? We were lighter, less stressed, less annoyed. And I found that what she said was true: after every time, lying there next to him, my first thought was always, “I’m so glad I did that.”

In these years of diapers and spit-up and needy children, it’s so easy for sex to be the first thing to go. But I’ve learned that when we aren’t connecting physically, it’s harder for us to connect emotionally and spiritually as well.

You know how sex starts in the kitchen? Well, it works both ways. Help-in-the-kitchen starts in the bedroom. If he is feeling like his needs are being met, he will be more likely to WANT to meet yours. Because he loves you, yes, but also because he feels loved, appreciated, and respected.

But mamas, here’s the kicker. Did you know, you actually achieve a deeper, more restful sleep after sex? If you are tired and craving rest, having sex at bedtime will actually help you sleep BETTER, more deeply. It’s like God knew we would be “too tired” to have sex, so he was like, “GUESS WHAT I’LL DO? BOOM.” Don’t believe me? Read this. And this. And this.

So tonight, if you’re exhausted and hoping for a good night’s sleep, maybe a good night’s sex is exactly what you need.

And just so you know, I’ve pretended to be asleep. I’m not a sex-robot-saint.

You got this, mama.

Go get ’em,
Your fellow mama in the (seemingly dry) trenches

You might also like:

What if Tonight Was Your Last Chance To Have Sex With Your Husband

Hey Hubby? Sex Starts In The Sink

Dear Husband, If You Want More Sex, Here’s What To Do

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here! 

tonight, if you’re exhausted and hoping for a good night’s sleep, maybe a good night’s sex is exactly what you need. www.herviewfromhome.com

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Her View From Home

Millions of mothers connected by love, friendship, family and faith. Join our growing community. 1,000+ writers strong. We pay too!   Find more information on how you can become a writer on Her View From Home at https://herviewfromhome.com/contact-us/write-for-her//

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex

In: Health, Kids, Motherhood
The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex www.herviewfromhome.com

I currently have four kids in elementary school from kindergarten to fifth grade. My kids have not experienced any sexual abuse (to my knowledge); we have been very careful about any potential porn exposure; we closely monitor their involvement with pop culture through music, movies, books, and even commercials. While we might seem to err on the side of overly sheltering them, what we have also done is be very open with our kids about sex. We have told them the truth when they’ve asked questions. And have they asked some questions! Here’s a sampling of what I’ve been asked...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does

In: Health, Mental Health, Relationships
I Don't Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does www.herviewfromhome.com

I don’t have anxiety but my husband does.  We should have realized this years ago but we missed it. The realization came suddenly and as soon as it popped in my mind, it came out of my mouth. “You have anxiety.” I said. He looked at me trying to determine if I was joking or serious. “I am serious, you have anxiety.” His eyes left mine and found his phone. He picked it up and said, “Hey Siri, give me the definition of anxiety.” As the virtual assistant read off the definition she may as well have been reading my man’s personality...

Keep Reading

This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids

In: Health, Journal, Motherhood
This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ll never forget the time I was standing on a dock in the middle of a lake, casually draining my long hair of water, soaking in the summer heat surrounding me. Little did I know, my right breast had escaped the clutches of my bikini top; it must have popped out when I dove into the cool lake. But because I wasn’t wearing my hearing aids—I can’t wear those babies in the water—I couldn’t hear those back on land who were calling at me to shove it back in. So, there I stood, clueless of the fact that I was...

Keep Reading

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

In: Health, Journal, Relationships
How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

He walked over to the table I was sitting at with some friends and casually, yet confidently, pulled up a chair. His voice was deep and he had a luring accent that immediately caught my attention. His distinctly cut jawline along his perfectly trimmed beard made him seem older, I thought, than the age I’d soon learn he was. Our paths had crossed before like two ships in the night, forbidding us from ever quite meeting as we did that day . . . eye to eye, energy to energy He chatted with me and our mutual friends for a...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

In: Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
To the Mom With the Anxious Soul www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you, mama. You’re the one sitting alone at the family party. You’re the one hovering a little too close to your sweet babies at the park. You’re the one standing in the bathroom at work for just a moment of quiet. Your thoughts are swirling constantly, faster and more fearful that a “regular” mama. You find yourself spaced out at times, and hyper aware at others. You’ve heard the words “just relax” and “everything is fine” more times than you care to count. Sometimes you wish you could make everyone understand why you are the way you are...

Keep Reading

I Am My Child’s Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me

In: Baby, Child, Health
I Am My Child's Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me www.herviewfromhome.com

What started out to be a normal Thursday ended with a race to the children’s ER with my six-month-old. I was terrified. My adrenaline was pumping. My baby was struggling to breathe. The day before, he had been diagnosed with RSV. A simple cold to most healthy toddlers and adults turned out to be life threatening to my infant.   Once we were admitted, I knew this was serious. I knew he was in danger. I could sense the concern and urgency in the doctor’s voice. I knew the gravity of that wing of the hospital he was being wheeled...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading