“…We can wake up ready to face the glorious day that God has set for us –  ready to use the day to give glory to our Father…THAT is what makes our alarm beautiful.”

I wrote this exact quote a little less than two years ago at the start of my blog A Beautiful Alarm. I wrote it with true conviction. I wrote it to encourage and inspire other women like myself. And I prayed that that is exactly what it did.

I have not written a post in that blog for 9 months now. There are many reasons for this, one of them having to do with the busyness that a newborn brings with a 2-year-old running around. (How do so many of you do it and do it so well!?)  But the truth is, the main reason I stopped myself from writing another post in my blog was that the majority of my days were no longer feeling quite so beautiful. How could I possibly aim to encourage and inspire others to live their days this way when I myself could not even do so?

The overwhelming feeling that it can be with a newborn and a toddler has, at times, felt too much for me to handle. I have felt as though I have been drowning more days than not. Drowning in what feels like an incapability to continue. Drowning in simple tasks of dishes and laundry. Being engulfed in the cries and whines from my two little ones. 

I was not waking up ready to use the day to give glory to God or in much joy at all. I was waking up most days with a feeling of exhaustion, anxiety, and dread. I was waking up already overwhelmed with my day ahead of me.

This past year has been my toughest yet. From adjusting to two under the age of two, to feeding and growth struggles with my youngest, to numerous hospital trips, to simply the every day life of being a mom – the truth is, I have struggled. And I continue to struggle. Yet through that struggle I am learning and growing more than I have ever before. Isn’t this frequently the case? God so often uses our hardest times to grow us closer to Him, making us humble in spirit and rich with His love. 

While my days have been difficult I have learned that they can still be beautiful. In fact they are so much more filled with God’s beauty. For through our struggle as Moms, through our toughest days, He is there carrying us through, loving us, and showing His mercy upon us. Can it get any more beautiful than that?! 

My hope with my blog was ‘to help others live a life of intention and purpose, with an attitude of joy and thankfulness’ in every day living. I am back to that desire. I am back to filling my own life with this and to working on this in a community of women with the same desire. My struggles have not stopped. My littlest still is not growing well, my days are still filled with tantrums and frustrations, my anxieties continue, and I hardly have any of this motherhood stuff figured out. The difference is that I am choosing to bring my focus back on the One who makes all things beautiful. For though our days may not always be beautiful, God’s beauty will always overcome that.

Esther Vandersluis

Esther is a Canadian writing from Hamilton, Ontario, living in a sea of pink as a girl mom to three. Find her on Facebook (www.facebook.com/beautifulalarm) where you will find writing for stay-at-home moms, moms with littles, sleep-deprived moms, moms feeding babies, and babies with failure to thrive, all under the umbrella of faith in Jesus Christ.