When I want something, I am determined to make it happen.

I have always been a go-getter. When I was in high school and wanted to attend a certain college on a full-ride scholarship, I took the ACT four times to get the score I needed. I continued applying for scholarships and worked tirelessly throughout my senior year. It all paid off, and I was able to attend college without acquiring any debt.

After Brett and I adopted our first dog, a few months later I was convinced he needed a buddy. Plus, I had extreme puppy fever. Within a few days, we found the puppy we wanted, and I drove a total of six hours to pick him up and bring him home. 

I even get pretty demanding when it comes to minor things, like food. About a year ago, Brett and I went to Qdoba for dinner. I usually order the same thing, but on this night, they were out of grilled chicken. What?! Completely unacceptable, I thought as I stared at the menu, hating the dozens of other options that were available. Brett obliged — because he is a saint — to my whining and pouting, and we went across town to the other Qdoba to have our dinner. I know, I can be pretty unreasonable. It’s even worse if I’m hangry.

So when we made the decision to start trying to expand our family six months ago, I was ready for it. Right now. But my body and the big guy upstairs had other plans. I have been angry, distraught, confused and frustrated. This isn’t something I can just snap my fingers and make happen. And that drives me crazy. But I’m starting to understand — as much as I hate it — that it’s a lesson I need to learn: patience, faith and acceptance. It’s incredibly difficult for me some days, especially when my inner drama queen comes out and is convinced this is the end of the world. 

I continue to deal with my roller coaster of emotions, but I’m beginning to see a glimmer of progress in my demeanor. Brett and I went to Starbucks for an afternoon caffeine fix the other day. I’m hooked on the Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher, but they were out of the ingredients. I was bummed, but I quickly scanned their menu and ordered a Peach Green Tea Lemonade. It wasn’t what I wanted, but I didn’t even consider turning around and heading to a different Starbucks. My beverage looked and tasted different from my usual indulgence. But I still enjoyed it. As I sipped on it throughout the afternoon, I almost liked it better than what I usually order. 

The journey my husband and I are on is not what I had planned or envisioned. It looks and feels different. But different doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Oftentimes, it’s better than what I could have ever imagined.