By Kathleen Duthu 
In June, most people happily turn their attention to Father’s Day, school graduations, and summer vacations. Instead, this year I’m thinking about Flag Day, June 14th, with many emotions. It’s my father’s first birthday since his death in December at age 89. His physical and cognitive condition significantly declined over the last two years of his life, so we weren’t surprised when the nursing home moved him to hospice status. I’m grateful he recognized me, my daughters, and my husband when we flew from another state to visit him less than two weeks before he passed.
When we left on the last day of my visit, I gently hugged my dad around his bony shoulders. The white whiskers on his sunken cheeks brushed my face. Blinking back tears, I told him I loved him and would see him later, even though I knew the last part was probably not true. He replied, “Okay, honey,” which were the only intelligible words he spoke during my time with him that week.
Walking to the rental car, I regretted not saying more to my dad before I left. I still do. I hadn’t wanted to upset my mother, who has dementia and was also in the room. But I also didn’t know how to put a lifetime of love, respect, and memories into a few final sentences. I want to believe he already knew all the things I didn’t say out loud. I’ve almost convinced myself he did.
My dad frequently moved around the country as a child because of my grandfather’s job. He often had to start over at new schools in new neighborhoods, which likely helped develop his quick wit and ability to talk with strangers. My grandmother made sure his birthdays were a big deal even when old friends and extended family weren’t around. She told my dad people displayed their American flags every year in honor of his birthday, as well as in honor of our country.
At my childhood home, we always had the American flag mounted by the front door on my dad’s birthday. As a U.S. Army veteran who worked as a civilian for the U.S. Navy, my dad also flew the flag on Memorial Day and the Fourth of July. My husband and I are proud to have continued these traditions at our home.
Father’s Day will also be different for me from now on, but I think I’ll feel much more emotional on Flag Day, especially this year. We might have to celebrate with a cake with red, white, and blue icing in my dad’s honor. Chocolate was his favorite.
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