Free shipping on all orders over $75 🎉

Here I sit, a hot mess.

On the outside, I might look like I have my stuff together, but I don’t. Heck, maybe I don’t even look like I have my stuff together, but I’m trying. I’m trying to smile and pretend to be OK, but it’s hard. You see, last week my 7-month-old son had his third severe allergic reaction. When I say severe, I mean scary, ambulance ride to the ER type of severe. This is the third time I have watched my infant son become lethargic and pale and vomit so much his little body went limp. There are no words to accurately describe the horror of this situation. 

After our latest scare, my husband said it best, “That day we started surviving each day rather than living it.” I went into survival mode. I was nervous, anxious and falling apart inside. On the outside, I was trying my best to hold it together for our two older children. In my head, I was hiding it well, but apparently to everyone around me, I wasn’t hiding anything.

I was a mess and it showed.

Here’s the reality of scary situations: you may not be asking for help but that doesn’t mean you don’t need it.

This is me NOT asking for help, but needing it. 

This is me sitting here crying, not wanting to be alone but too prideful to ask for someone to come sit with me. You wouldn’t even need to say anything, just being here would be enough.

Friends, show up and sit with us.

This is me trying to help myself but realistic enough to know it’s not working. I need someone to help pull me through this.

I’ve realized I can’t do it on my own. But I haven’t called one person to ask for help

Friends, call us, text us, and remind us you are there. Tell us over and over even if we don’t respond.

This is me, needing help with our other two children but not asking because I desperately want the time with them. This latest scare has taken my time and energy. They deserve my time and energy, too—I just don’t have any to give at the moment. I’d love someone to come over and provide them some fun and laughs. They deserve to have fun even if I can’t. 

Friends, show up and love on our children. Be there as support so we don’t have to choose between our sanity and our children. Give us time to calm our nervous minds so we can get back to enjoying these moments with our little ones again. 

This is me sitting here nervous that another reaction will happen. Scanning over my son’s body for any sign of rash or distress. I’m not asking for someone to come and look at him to calm my nerves, but I’m wishing someone would show up. I’ve learned being alone can be scary. I’ve learned that responsibility can be debilitating. 

Friends, show up and remind us that our anxiety does not have to paralyze us. Remind us that we are capable of doing hard things and that it won’t always be hard.

You see, I’m not asking for help out loud but inside I’m screaming for it. 

How many people in your life are doing the same? Are you sitting next to someone that is screaming for help, but you can’t see it or aren’t present enough to notice? Look around, someone you love might be needing help but too prideful to ask for it. 

Show up even if they aren’t asking.

I promise they’ll thank you later.

You’ll be the pleasant surprise that pulls them from crippling stress and anxiety. 

For those of you faced with a stressful time, let people help. Let them support you. Trust me, you need it and you’ll be grateful you did. In moments of stress and trauma, people show up for you in the most beautiful ways, you just have to let them.

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Be vulnerable enough to know what you need and ask for it. I’ve learned that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Be bold, be brave, and tell someone exactly what you need. Once they know, they’ll show up. 

Originally published on the author’s blog

You may also like:

Check on Your “Strong” Friend, She’s Faking It

This is Why Moms Are So Exhausted

Dear Husband, It’s Not Easy For Me to Admit, But I Need More Help

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Chelsea Ohlemiller

Wife, mother, and educator who has Indiana roots and a passionate spirit. Chelsea is married to the love of her life and is the mother to three beautiful and spunky children. Chelsea’s mother always encouraged her to write. In 2017 when she tragically lost her mother to cancer she decided to honor her mother's wishes and write. It was one of the best decisions she's ever made. She know owns the website Happiness, Hope & Harsh Realities, a space dedicated to encouraging others experiencing grief and loss. Website: www.hopeandharshrealities.com Instagram Handle: hopeandharshrealities Facebook: @hopeandharshrealities 

Find Your Person, She’s Worth It

In: Friendship, Living
Two women smiling, color photo

Have you found her? I’m talking about the person you can call your best friend. The girl who will give up sleep to take your phone call. The one who will stand outside your hospital window during COVID with a sign because she can’t be inside, cheering you on. That person who will defend you when need to be and be your voice of reason when you seem to have lost your way a bit. I’m one of the fortunate ones who has found her. For us, it all started when we were 12 years old. Our families lived next to...

Keep Reading

The Greatest Gift We Can Give Someone Is to Include Them

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Female friends laughing together outside

The greatest gift we can give someone is to include them. Never have I felt more isolated and excluded than I did as a new mom. With two babies born a year apart, socializing was impossible. I couldn’t hold a conversation with my kids in tow. And they were always in tow. In those early years of motherhood, something like a hair appointment meant more than just a cut and color. It was an opportunity for uninterrupted, adult conversation. After a couple of years of baby talk and mom buns, I was intensely in need of all three. I booked...

Keep Reading

A Friend Turning on You Can Hurt More than a Breakup

In: Friendship, Living
Sad woman with head in hands

I was betrayed badly recently by a friend, the kind of betrayal that leaves a deep mark. The one that makes you question the trust you put in people. How close you let your soul get to theirs. Months later, my brain still is trying to dissect how someone could do that. A friend turning on you can hurt worse than a bad breakup. How could I have been such a fool and not see their true colors? Et tu Brute? repeated in my head. It has not happened in years. Since high school if I am being honest. But...

Keep Reading

When It Comes To Friendship, Keep Reaching Out

In: Friendship, Living
Two friends smiling and hugging

Just keep reaching out. Even if the fallout isn’t your fault. Even if they don’t text or call back. Even if you feel like you’re the only one trying. When you find a best friend who you grow extremely close with, the changing of seasons in each of your lives makes it challenging. Chances are, you’re going to be in the same phase, and then you blink. All of a sudden, you’re going to be in two completely different stages of life. You’re not sure when or how it happened so fast, but you still want to hold onto that...

Keep Reading

When a Friend Says She’s Fat, Say Something

In: Friendship, Living
Overweight woman in pink shirt looking out at water

I made a mistake the other day. My beautiful friend told me she felt fat and might skip a summer event because she needs to lose some weight . . . and I was quiet. I was quiet because I was shocked. She is someone who radiates confidence, grace, kindness, and gorgeousness to me. “What? What are you even talking about?” I said. Then she was quiet. I wish I’d said to her instead, “Listen to me. You feel how you feel, and that’s real, but what you see is not what I see. It’s not what the world sees....

Keep Reading

Do You Know How Much It Hurts When You Forget Me?

In: Friendship, Living
Sad woman looking at phone in a darkened room

I don’t know if you know how much it hurts when you forget me.  You said you’d call as soon as you got off work. I never heard from you.  You said you’d take care of that before you left in the morning. When I woke up, I saw it was still undone.  You said there was a big event happening at church, and you’d be sure to pass on the details. I saw the photos on Facebook after it had already happened.  You said, “I’ll come by tomorrow!” You never called, and you never came.  RELATED: I’m the Forgettable...

Keep Reading

A Circle of Friends Is a Treasure for Life

In: Faith, Friendship, Living
Group of 3 friends walking on beach at sunset

Are you a part of a circle of women? Are you intrigued by watching groups of women in public? I love to observe groups of women out having fun, interacting: the loud group who is living life large, belly laughing until they cry, not caring if they are being watched; the group huddled close and crying, not wanting to be the center of attention, but sharing a serious moment they are all invested in; and finally the woman who is alone, watching both groups desperately wishing to be a part of a circle.   I want to know their stories,...

Keep Reading

My Daughter Misses Out Because of My Social Anxiety

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Little girl looking out window, black-and-white photo

There are a million things I wasn’t prepared for when I became a mom. It also seems like four years into it, there always seems to be something new lurking around the corner. A new twist I didn’t see coming. Something else that was going to make me question my parenting abilities and doubt myself as a mom. This one came in the form of an e-vite to a birthday party. It sounds silly, and in the grand scheme of things, it really is. But it seems like as my daughter’s social skills have developed at a rapid pace, mine...

Keep Reading

Your Friend with Social Anxiety Isn’t Rude, It’s Just Really Hard

In: Friendship, Living
Sad woman sitting by coffee shop window alone looking down

“You know you came off as rude, right?” “I didn’t mean to. Honestly, I just don’t know what to say and I get nervous. My anxiety takes over,” I responded.   “I know, but just giving you the feedback that that’s what others would perceive.” Ugh. Add to the list of things my anxiety causes me to be. Worrywart. Fearful. Irritable and snappy mom. Bad friend. And now I’m rude.  It’s not like I want to come off that way. I get nervous any time I talk to someone new—I can’t help it. I struggle to figure out where the conversation should go as...

Keep Reading

Our Kids Are Friends—Does That Mean We Have to Be Too?

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Two school age kids smiling with arms around each other

I knew when I had kids that I would be dealing with the building and deconstruction of their friendships for the long term. Why on earth didn’t it occur to me that I’d also be dealing with my own relationships with the other children’s parents and caregivers?   If it was just one thing—growing a friendship with said child’s parents because our kids are friends—that would be easy enough. It’s not just one thing. The combination of scenarios is plentiful. Maybe I like a parent, but they don’t seem to like me. Maybe a parent is trying to befriend me,...

Keep Reading