When you are divorced, one of the hardest kinds of loneliness as a mother is being without your children for Christmas. It’s not uncommon for divorced couples to alternate Christmas with the kids each year, and let me tell you, no matter how often you’ve been doing this, it never gets easier.
Sure, you’ll go through the motions of preparing for Christmas, like you always do. But in the back of your mind, your heart, there will be a void that no amount of eggnog or sparkling lights can fill.
The truth is, there is no magic on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day when you are a parent without your kids. Despite their age or whether they believe in Santa or not, this magic is what you miss. When you don’t have it, it can make Christmas morning feel like any other day.
There are some things you can do to help make the best of your kid-free Christmas. Here are 5 tips that will help:
1. Enjoy the time leading up to Christmas.
Christmas is more than just a day—it’s a season, and part of the thrill of it is the anticipation. The weeks and days leading up to it can be the best part. Start in November if you have to, but make the most of each day. Do ALL the things with your kids: tree decorating, pictures with Santa, parades, gingerbread houses, and Christmas movies. Even if you don’t feel like it, try your best to do it.
2. Plan a second Christmas.
Kids don’t care about dates; they care about moments. On the day they return home, if you try to relive Christmas Day, you’ll be disappointed, as it never feels the same. Instead, create a new day, your day (like “Mom Christmas”). Start a new tradition with your kids, like hot chocolate and matching PJs when they open their gifts. This will help make it feel special for all of you.
3. Keep your emotions from your kids.
If your kids know that you are dreading Christmas without them, they will spend their time away from you worrying or feeling guilty about having a good time. That’s not fair to them, so try to keep your emotions in check in front of your kids. Don’t let on to them how lonely you are, or how much you are struggling. Instead, lean on a sister, best friend, or another single mom who can relate to what you’re going through. Let yourself be supported during this hard time.
4. Surround yourself with family and friends.
The worst thing you can do is be alone over the holidays and wallow in sadness, especially on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. You don’t necessarily have to be festive, just don’t be alone. If you don’t have plans with family or friends, have a fallback activity ready, like a good movie, a walk, a coffee date, a new book, or ordering your favorite food. It’s not about keeping busy—it’s about finding a source of comfort during a lonely time.
5. Limit your time on social media.
On a good day, it’s hard to see the highlight reel of other people’s lives and not compare it to your own. Seeing videos and pictures of smiling families on Christmas morning will only make you feel worse. Protect your heart and stay off, or at least limit, social media.
It’s important to remember one holiday doesn’t erase the love you give, the work you do, or the stability you create year-round for your kids. Yes, being without them for the holidays does hurt, but the good news is it’s only temporary.
by Jennifer Thompson 
