For me, personally, I feel as though this is the first gut-wrenching string I’m letting go of with my little girl.
Although when she started preschool I felt nervous and I missed her like mad, I knew I still had two weekdays with her as well as the weekend. It has been perfect—freedom and growth while at preschool—but still time for us.
School is on the horizon. The year of starting school has come quicker than I was prepared for. It has literally flashed before my eyes.
I have spent every day with my girls since they were born.
Every minute of every day, each day bringing something new even though the days could feel the same. So now that my oldest is preparing for her newest adventure, I find myself clinging to her.
I look back and in these short four years, she’s gone from a helpless tiny baby to this independent, kind little girl. She has so much to learn, and wow, is she ready. But mommy isn’t.
She has spent the last four years teaching me, showing me how to be a mommy. Showing me that we can take walks, sit on beaches, find bugs, and drive around and stop at three parks in one day. And that is enough, more than enough. That is what we’re good at.
As a mom, I knew this would be a big step—everyone talks about the struggle of the first drop off or buying a uniform or whatever it may be.
But I wasn’t prepared to feel like I was losing a whole phase of my little one’s life.
I am so excited to see her thrive, to watch her grow more and learn lots. I know she’s going to love it. But, I am hoping these last eight months go slowly so I can savor our last little bit of this era.
The next era will hold new things for us to come to grips with together, more things to enjoy and love. But I’m just finding this one a little hard to let go of.
She is my little best friend, she has been since day one. She gets me. She gives me spontaneous hugs because she thinks I need them. She helps me with her little sister. She makes me laugh, a big loud uncontrollable laugh. She is always near. She randomly asks if I’m OK, just checks in, like a best friend would.
It’s going to be a big change.
Even though I know that one year there will feel like she’s been at school for ages. But I know I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the days we got to spend together when the town was quiet with people working and children at school. The stretch of the beach with just a few dog walkers. The library to ourselves, the parks with just one other young child and their parent. Space for us to be silly and the quietness for us to talk in.
So, here’s to the next few months. I am going to squeeze you, walk with you, talk with you, have days out with you, play snap with you, splash with you, nap with you, and watch every little thing you do.
Because although to some it may seem small. These last few years, they have been big.
Onward and upward, my baby. You’ve got this. Mommy has got this too. You’re going to shine even more than you do already.