The scary thing about friendship is it’s completely disposable. You actively choose to remain friends. It can dissolve at any time. No one can force you into it. In marriage, you are bound to one another before God. As a parent, you have a familial obligation to your child. But friendship? That comes completely free and clear.

You intentionally let them in, let them see your underbelly. Your messy house. Your imperfect marriage. Your rebellious children. Your weirdness, your quirks, your sin. And they can walk away at any moment.

Oh, there are a few exceptions. Maybe you work together. Maybe you are family. Maybe your circles intertwine on many levels. But they could decide at any moment they no longer want to be friends with you. They are under no obligation to stay. And there is nothing you can do about it. Which makes it terrifying.

Friendship is basically just an enormous game of trust. You need to trust that they will see something in you worth keeping. That they will reciprocate. That they will be willing to work through the hard.

You give of yourself. You care deeply. You share your pain, your secrets, your heart. But there’s no guarantee it will work. And man does it hurt when it doesn’t.

Sometimes it’s inevitable. A move. A major life change. Sometimes it’s a natural transition, a friendship for a season. Maybe you were ghosted or excluded. Maybe there wasn’t a specific cause. Maybe there wasn’t an explanation or closure. Maybe you were just too much.

Or maybe there was tension. Unresolved hurt. A conflict that festered. Or a conflict that felt irreparable. Maybe you just didn’t actually like each other. Your trust was broken. Or maybe you broke theirs. You didn’t handle their gift of trust well.

So how do you reach out in friendship while still wanting to protect yourself? How do you start to trust when it seems like the potential for hurt might just be too much? How do you trust when it’s so painfully difficult, when you aren’t sure the reward is worth the risk? Why doesn’t anyone talk about how hard adult friendships are?!

Some people have the gift of offering trust very easily. They may have been hurt in the past but very easily share. But me? I’m not like that. I deeply struggle with letting people in. I’ve been hurt, I’ve been left behind, I’ve been abandoned. I’ve experienced painful rejections and permanent separation.

There have been many moments where I need to cling to the reminder that even if all my friends walk away, all my relationships end and there is no more trust anywhere, I am deeply loved by the One who designed me just as I am.

And by cling I mean fiercely and desperately hang on to that with all my might. Because sometimes it feels like I’m not meant to be in relationships. Sometimes their rejection defines me. Somedays it feels almost impossible not to believe that the dissolution of a great friendship doesn’t define the rest of my relationships.

So maybe you’re like me and are in a season of broken trust. Maybe you’ve built walls to protect yourself. Maybe you really want those deep friendships but aren’t sure how anymore because it always seems to hurt too much.

I’m there with you friend. I see how hard you are working despite how hopeless everything feels. You are worth fighting for. You are worth working through the hard for. You bring things to the table. You matter. You are loved. Please keep repeating that when everything seems hopeless.