So God Made a Mother Collection ➔

Squad. Tribe. Mom Friends.

Where is my “ride or die”?

I think about this often as I scroll social media and see others posting about their #rideordie and #squadgoals. It makes me feel empty. Certainly jealous. And always, always lonely and self-defeated wondering why I can’t have that.

I mean, I’m pretty cool. I’m nice. I’m a good listener. I would drop everything to help someone who needed me.

But on Fridays you find me at home with my family. You can also find me there Saturdays through Thursdays. It’s easier to be home than make plans. And besides, making plans risks rejection and who needs one more thing to stress about anyway?

So I sit at home, braless and in my comfy sweatpants, and begrudge my inability to make mommy friends. It’s the ultimate vicious circle, it seems.

But where’s the time right? I spend my days hustling between family taxi driver and employee for a company that values my work, ignores the coffee stains on my shirt, and generally laughs off my ridiculous stories for why I’m late. I make time for errands, appointments, and activities somewhere in the mix. Nighttime is a sacred time for my family, and by sacred I mean completely loving chaos. It’s the only time we even make eye contact, it seems. Our dinner table isn’t complete without food throwing, plenty of complaining, and at least one tantrum. But it’s our time and it’s beautiful in the “I know I’m going to miss this” way.

Weekends are a subtle tag-you’re-it game between my husband and me over who is watching the kids and who can sit back in their chair. Sometimes weekends go by and I yearn for Monday when I feel semi-productive and at the very least showered and dressed beyond sweats. Other weekends go by and I wonder if I had any time at all for me, or the days feel like such a blur I can’t even make out what happened and if we left the house once.

I suppose you get out what you put in. And when I don’t put any time into friendships, I can’t expect to get out anything at all. But I also wonder where others get their time. Do they need less sleep than me? Do they squeeze it in during lunches, when I’m usually slumped over my computer with a protein shake and some trail mix?

And I cannot underestimate the mental effort. As a mom where energy is absolutely a currency that I must weigh carefully before spending, I hold onto it tight because it is scarce and so precious. Will a happy hour date with a few friends fill my bucket, or drain me with gossip-fueled cadence? It might seem like a inconsequential question before kids, but after kids this will make or break my participation. I need a gang that fills, inspires, and pushes each other to be our best. The adrenaline rush of gossip and nay-saying has slid off my grid right along with my desire to check out trendy bars and passion for high heels.

Finally, I think about drain on the family. Yes, this sounds crazy. How could time with friends drain my family? But a simple visit is never so simple. First, I need to determine who is watching my kids during this time. My husband? Great. Does he know or has he made other plans? If he’s busy, I need to find a babysitter. This is never a simple text. This is outreach to multiple people, starting with relatives and working my way out from there. Suddenly, a fun girls night is a $50 babysitting gig for someone. And yes, I deal with some guilt. Guilt at missing out on family time. Guilt at not being able to help out my husband with the bedtime routine. Guilt at hiring a babysitter. Guilt at spending money. It might seem trivial but do not underestimate the power of mama guilt. It is all-consuming.

What if it’s not even in my control? What if this strange, perplexing game of friendship poker is actually because I’m not a lot of fun to be around? I’d like to shake those feelings away but it’s hard not to notice the maybe-my-invite-got-lost-in-the-mail to events and try not to take it personally. I know I lost a lot of my cool when I became a mom. Maybe it’s worse than I thought.

When I lay down my hand of cards, I can see why I don’t have a mom squad in my back pocket. Logically, it makes sense. But emotionally, it still hurts. I crave those friend connections the same as anyone and it’s hard not to feel the void.

Maybe time will ease up. Maybe friends will bloom in the crevices of what I live day-to-day. Or maybe, I am not #rideordie material. But the truth is my real squad is staring right at me at home. They’re my kids and my husband. They stick by me through the good, the bad and the ugly. Their love for me is unconditional as is mine for them. And isn’t that what they really mean by #rideordie?

You may also like:

Life is Too Short For Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

My Dear Daughters, Friendship is so Hard

Sometimes Motherhood Makes Keeping Friendships Alive Hard

Want more stories of love, family, and faith from the heart of every home, delivered straight to you? Sign up here!

Celeste

About Celeste Yvonne: Celeste is a popular blogger and personality who writes about all things parenting. Celeste openly speaks about her struggles with alcohol, and two years ago she announced her commitment to becoming a sober mom for the sake of her health and her family. Her piece about a playdate that went sideways when another mom started serving mimosas has reached over 14 million people. Celeste lives in Reno, Nevada with her husband and two boys ages 3 and 5. Follow Celeste at http://www.facebook.com/theultimatemomchallengehttp://www.instagram.com/andwhatamom or http://www.andwhatamom.com

While I Wait for Another Door to Open, I’ll Hold One For Someone Else

In: Faith, Living
Woman teaching another woman by computer

I’m waiting for another door. All my life, I’ve been told that when God closes one door, He opens another. And here I am, staring at the imminent end of the business I’ve built from nothing. Closing down what I started up from sheer willpower, too much caffeine, and the bold determination to work for myself. Scratching out what I made from scratch . . . and it feels horrible. God didn’t just close this door. He slammed it shut, boarded the whole thing up, and hammered the nails in where I cannot pry them open. Believe me. I’ve tried....

Keep Reading

The Pain of Loving an Addict and the Power of Love

In: Living
Couple embracing in hallway

Mental health is no joke. Addiction is no joke. In my experience, these things go hand in hand. People often turn to things like alcohol and drugs when they are looking for an escape from reality. And people with certain mental health struggles are more prone to addictions than people without. These behaviors are a cry for help. They are not attention seeking. They are not purposely trying to hurt the people in their life. They are saying in the only way they can they are drowning and they need a lifeboat. And it is hard on everyone involved. Having...

Keep Reading

Chrissy Teigen Announces She’s Pregnant With Rainbow Baby

In: Living, News
Chrissy Teigen pregnant

Hip, hip, hooray! “1 billion shots later . . . we have another on the way.” In a surprising, but much anticipated Instagram post, Chrissy Teigen delivered the exciting news: she and celebrity musician husband John Legend are officially expecting their third baby! Endeared to millions through her genuine and unfiltered approach to sharing her life on social media, Chrissy’s announcement was quickly met with an outpouring of love and support from fans, many of whom had been following since the model shared the absolutely devastating loss of her third pregnancy back in 2020. RELATED: Chrissy Teigen Opens Up About Her...

Keep Reading

Meeting the One Who Says “I Believe in You” Changes Everything

In: Living
Man and woman hold hands

“I want to major in journalism. I love writing. I want to be an author,” I said. “You can’t do that,” you said. “You’ll never make any money writing. You have to change your major,” you said. I heard the sad, sorrowful flutter of wings of a caged bird. And then silence.  Year after year, I allowed you to belittle me, to make me feel ashamed, and to see myself as unintelligent and worthless. When I was small, you felt big. I didn’t know any better because you were supposed to be a safe person. Unconditional love and support? Only...

Keep Reading

It’s Lonely Feeling Invisible

In: Friendship, Living
Woman standing in kitchen

I’ve never known what’s wrong with me. From such a young age, I’ve never had friends. I was never the girl who was invited to the birthday parties let alone the sleepover after the birthday party.  Now as an adult, I’m not the girl invited for drinks, moms’ nights out, play dates, or even to listen to a pyramid scheme.  RELATED: It’s Lonely Being the B-List Friend I’m not the coworker everyone loves. Or the classmate everyone envies because of her skill. I’m not making waves anywhere I go.  Not even with my own family. No aunt, uncle, cousin, or...

Keep Reading

I Left a Piece of My Heart in Room 208

In: Living, Motherhood
Classroom of empty desks, color photo

I walked down the hall, past the rows of bright orange lockers. Past the U.S. history classroom and the eighth-grade science room.  The next door was mine. Room 208. As I slipped the key into the lock, I noted the “Bring it on” poster my students fist bump on the way into the room (a fun class routine we started a few years ago). Without thinking, I softly kicked the door open as I turned the knob, knowing the door sticks when it’s hot. I walked inside, scanning the room, taking in objects that have been a part of my...

Keep Reading

They Just Played Dolls: Making Foster Children Feel Welcome

In: Living, Motherhood
Man and girl play dolls on the floor

“Mom,” my daughter whined, “I give up. I can’t do this anymore. She is driving me crazy.” I knew the feeling. It was a familiar one. We were doing a few days of respite care for a girl half our daughter’s age—seven years old—the same age my daughter was when she came to us as a foster child herself. My daughter, now 13, has grown so much in the past six years. When I asked for her help with this foster child, she was eager to take on the responsibility, but it quickly proved a trying task. “Mom, she’s just...

Keep Reading

But God is Still Good

In: Faith, Living
Woman looking out window

“I can’t afford a new one,” I thought to myself as I shampooed another stain. This can’t keep happening. Maybe I made a mistake. I have to make this last. And the couch. And the clothes. And all the things. We are done having babies. The price of food has doubled. It’s astronomical to fill the cars with gas. Things are closing in on me. How can I best serve my family? Survival mode engaged. When I read the news, when I follow the headlines, when I listen to the conversations around me . . .  I hear fear. Loss....

Keep Reading

I’m the New Mom at the Park

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Mother and baby on blanket at park, color photo

I’m the new mom at the park. I woke up this morning with a goal in mind: to visit the park with my daughter. I looked in the mirror and whispered, “I’ve got this” as my 3-month-old slept peacefully. This little house has been a great shelter for this new mom and her baby, but it’s time to venture out.  I’m the new mom at the park. With the stroller filled with way too many things for a 30-minute trip. With the perfectly picked out outfit, hoping to fit in. With the tired eyes and dark circles from waking up...

Keep Reading

Dear Body, I’m Sorry I Haven’t Treated You Well

In: Living, Motherhood
Woman in hot tub looking out window

Dear body, I’m sorry I haven’t treated you well. After everything you’ve done for me, you would think I’d be a bit more grateful. From running and playing as a child to being on the track team in high school, to carrying three babies, conquering cancer, and more—I should be thanking you. But instead, I’m mostly ashamed of you. I’m embarrassed to try on new clothes in a fitting room because I honestly don’t know what size I am anymore. Having to ask for a larger size of something is a kind of torture I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Trying...

Keep Reading