This is it. The very moment we’ve been waiting on for three years is finally here! After all the tears, after the fear and after so many prayers, my husband and I had made it to the pinnacle of our pregnancy! The journey to get to this very point, although emotionally and physically taxing, was definitely worth it. Only by faith were we able to make it to the finish line because we almost aborted this baby.

I’ve always wanted to be a mom, so one would think excitement would be my first reaction to the news of being pregnant. Unfortunately, fear was my initial emotion. This pregnancy was not my first. It was my third. My husband and I had been pregnant three times, yet I had no children. The first time I was pregnant was different. I had a growing belly, an active baby, and high hopes. The celestial bubble of happiness that held us afloat would violently break, just as my water did unexpectedly at five months pregnant. After a painful forty-eight hours and a few quick pushes later, I delivered a beautiful baby boy, Malcolm. He was still born. After riding the physical and emotional roller coaster that is labor and delivery, my husband and I left the hospital empty handed. The doctors identified uterine fibroids as the culprit of the pre-term labor and stillbirth. We were heartbroken.

Unfortunately for us, the OBGYN didn’t find my fibroids until after I was pregnant, during my first ultrasound. When I learned I had fibroids, I wasn’t too concerned because my mom has them as well. And she was able to have successful pregnancies. Ignorantly, I had no clue how this new discovery would affect me. Birthing a stillborn was not even a thought in my mind. According to a study for the Society for Maternal-Fetal Medicine,  as reported by Science Daily, 7 out of 1000 pregnancies result in stillbirths. Although stillbirths are rare, fibroids are not. Women who have uterine fibroids are more likely to have a stillbirth than women who do not have fibroids. Knowing these statistics then would have been extremely helpful and would have changed the course of the events that followed.

Almost a year to the date, we find out I am pregnant for the second time. After mourning our first baby, my husband and I were excited to have the opportunity to grow our family again. However, we were also worried. I had not yet gotten the fibroids removed, and I had even taken birth control so we could plan the next pregnancy and not be surprised. Needless to say, we were very surprised. The second time I lost my baby, I was not as far along as the first. However, the devastation of this miscarriage didn’t lessen just because of the time frame. Walking into the hospital, seemingly pregnant, and leaving again without a baby scarred us to our souls.

One can only imagine the paralyzing fear that tranquilized me to the core when I found out I was pregnant, for the third time, the next year. Again, this was a surprise pregnancy because I was on birth control. My husband and I created many different scenarios for how this pregnancy could play out. With our past two unsuccessful pregnancies looming, we felt this one would render the same results because I still had uterine fibroids. After going back and forth with one another, we decided that a medical abortion would be best. This was a very hard decision, but seeing as how the pregnancy wouldn’t go full term, so we thought, we figured it best not to have to deal with another huge emotional and physical blow.

It’s funny how you think you’ve come up with a plan. You think you’ve things figured out. My husband and I were in this exact state when God’s plan for us began to unfold. We began to meditate and pray on the scripture, 2 Timothy 1:7 “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” The more we prayed for an answer, the more having an abortion didn’t sit well with us. I’ve always wanted to be a mom, and regardless of the past pregnancies, God had blessed me, yet again, with the ability to be fruitful and multiply.

We decided to go through with the pregnancy and pray for the best. As I reflect on this testimony 5-years later, I have learned to pray for guidance before devising a plan. Not only was this pregnancy the easiest one to date, but I also delivered a healthy baby boy who will be entering kindergarten soon. No abortion. No fear. Instead, there’s power, love, a sound mind, and our miracle baby.

Brittany J. P. Reese

Brittany  J.P. Reese is a mom, step-mom, wife, author, writer, editor and entrepreneur. She is a true night owl who loves to laugh and whose best work is created through procrastination during the wee hours of the morning. Her belief is God gives you the tools you need in life. It is up to you to use those tools to build your happiness and pave the way for your children.