Sometimes life just isn’t fair. In fact, at times, life is just plain cruel.

In one moment, your whole world can come crashing down around you. The wind is knocked from within and you are left struggling to draw the breath. 

Sometimes, you see it coming. And sometimes, it comes out of nowhere.

That’s where I found myself yesterday. Standing in the bathroom, staring at the toilet, begging for things to change. 

Unable to move. Unable to talk. 

Silent tears rolling down my face

Words finally came. Words of sheer desperation and devastation. 

“No, please. Not me. Not my baby!”

I wanted to fix it. I pleaded with God. I begged the universe. 

RELATED: A Mother’s Love Can’t Be Measured In Weeks

A silent car ride.

An agonizing wait.

A few tests.

A million tears.

I had become part of the statistic. The one in four. 

I was told it happens often. That there was nothing I did wrong. That there was nothing I could have done to change it. But those words didn’t help my heart. 

My sweet husband stood behind me as the doctors left the room.

“You know,” he said, “their souls don’t belong to us. We are just their protectors while they are here. They belong to God and He has a plan.”

He was right. I’m not one to fight against the will of God. I wasn’t angry at Him.

I know that, if anything, God knows exactly what it’s like to lose a child. 

Sure, I have questions. 

My heart is broken

My spirit is weak. 

My body is in pain. 

But I have not lost sight of the beauty. Sunny days are always nice but storms can be beautiful too. 

RELATED: You Were Here My Angel

I know Heaven gained another angel yesterday.

I know I had the chance to love another sweet baby. 

I know my little darling is safe and happy and loved.

And I know that one day, when I get to Heaven, I am going to hear another little voice call me Mommy for the first time. 

We will meet someday soon, Sweet Pea. And Mommy can’t wait! 

Originally published on the author’s Facebook page

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Katelyn Brown

Katelyn Brown is a new face to the blogging world but has been a lifelong writer. She used writing as a therapeutic outlet to overcome a severe bout with anorexia. She has since mentored many women online that struggle with navigating the choppy waters of this life. Katelyn has been recently promoted to a stay-at-home-mommy that keeps it real. She is willing to display her own flaws in order to help others. Her goal in this life is to use her own victories and struggles to help other women. Katelyn hopes to build a platform for women to feel empowered by their own flawed journey.

5 Things to Say to a Woman After a Miscarriage

In: Grief, Miscarriage
5 Things to Say to a Woman After a Miscarriage www.herviewfromhome.com

I was 16 weeks pregnant when I went in for my first ultrasound. I hadn’t been to the OB in two months thanks to a move back home right before my husband’s deployment. We’d changed insurance plans and I had to wait for the approval of my OB choice. After this was settled, I went in for my appointment only to find that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat and hadn’t made it past 8 weeks. For whatever reason my body continued to progress as if my baby was still growing inside of me. Needless to say, I was devastated....

Keep Reading

From the Nurse Praying For You On the Day of Your D&C

In: Grief, Loss
Sad nurse

I walk in through the glass double doors and flash my badge to the lady behind the desk. Head down the hall and clock in, then up the stairs to the Same Day Surgery Unit. Once my things are put away, it is off to look at the schedule board. I stop. My stomach falls. There you are in black marker. Twelve-week miscarriage for D&C. We have not met before, but already I am grieving with you. It is not long before you arrive. I know you are in shock as you walk up to the registration desk. I have...

Keep Reading

Miscarriage is Sad, and It’s OK To Say it Out Loud

In: Grief, Loss, Motherhood
Sad woman hugging knees

I was 10-weeks pregnant, wiping ultrasound jelly off my stomach, and trying to focus on the weight of my husband’s hand on my shoulder to keep the room from spinning. Our doctor had just closed the door behind her, but the presence of her words still hung in the air, “There’s no heartbeat. I’m so sorry.” I clung to Garrett’s hand, but I didn’t know what to say. So I just repeated the doctor’s words “I’m so sorry” over and over again. Because I was sorry—for us, sorry for him, sorry we were suffering this loss. Sorry we had already...

Keep Reading