By Lauren Mattson 
I cry when I’m sad, yes, but I also cry in moments of overwhelming gratitude.
I can distinctly remember one day in the fall, a charming season in Minnesota when I was having some one-on-one time with my 4-year-old son. We were driving down a beautiful stretch of two-lane highway, trees with leaves of all colors lining the lakes, toward an apple orchard to meet our friends.
As I glanced back at my son in the rearview mirror, he was smiling to himself. And so was I. We were both so completely content to be in the car, just the two of us, on that picturesque day. I remember looking back at his small, sweet smile, and suddenly feeling this intense rush of gratitude and joy. I was completely overcome with emotion. Tears started running down my face, and I let them. They were the happiest tears.
As I reflected on this, I was surprised. This was the first time I remembered feeling such an intense emotion while doing something so seemingly trivial. I wasn’t crying with joy at the birth of a baby. I was crying at the seemingly unimportant, but obviously extremely gratifying, tiny moment I was having with one of my favorite people in the world. And I was so grateful.
Since that day, this has happened many times again—these intense waves of positive feelings rushing over me. It feels like I’m being reminded to slow down and sear this into my brain because I’m making a core memory. The reminder I need that life can be so, so good—and to appreciate the little things. At these times, I am certain there is something bigger out there, and for a moment, I am connected directly to it. It’s electric. I would not trade these moments for anything.
But it hadn’t always been this way. For most of my motherhood journey, I felt like I had to appear strong at all times. When hard moments and negative emotions came up, I tried to pretend everything was fine. I tried to look put together and perfect. I tried to avoid the pain by pushing the feelings deep, deep down, and pretending they weren’t there. But when I did that, I ended up closing off my emotional channel altogether. I had closed myself off from some of the pain, yes, but I had also closed myself off to the joy.
As I started to learn how to effectively deal with the negative, I was able to start to heal and re-open the channel again. Now, when the hard times inevitably come—I try to stop myself for a minute. To slow down. To take deep, abdominal breaths that fill my belly. And to call out my emotions: This is anger. This is resentment. This is frustration. This is sadness. I say it in my head and let it sink in. I say it again, and again, and again. And eventually, it dissipates. It loses its power. My head is clear again. So I embrace the negative now and try to feel it all because I know the good, and I really want to feel that too.
Someone once said that having kids is like getting on a bigger rollercoaster. You have lower lows, but you also have higher highs. So much higher! The good times can be the most magical and fulfilling moments in life—what makes life worth living. So I’m buckling in for the ride, with my tissues in hand. Let’s go!
by Jenna Stehler 
by Amber Watson 
