I hope you know I’ve soaked up every minute of your kisses and didn’t take one single hug for granted.

I hope you know I checked on you a million times when you were sleeping and then a few more just to make sure you didn’t need me.

I hope you know I kissed your sweet forehead a few extra times just to soak it all in because I never want to forget how it feels to hold you in my arms.

I hope you know I made those funny voices with all your toys because of that smile and perfect little laugh.

I hope you know all the times I pulled over on the side of the road so we could roll down the windows and get a closer look at those tractors just so I could see your eyes get a little bigger and hear the joy in your voice when you say “this is so cool!”

I hope you know I endured the sleepless nights and early mornings, the labor and delivery and even the surgery’s just so I could meet you and be your best friend, protector, comforter, biggest fan and the one person that you know will face whatever life throws at you holding your hand and standing right by your side.

I hope you know I planned all those family trips and spent my days working and writing to help pay for them because spending time with you is my favorite thing to do.

I hope you know my favorite flowers will always be those weeds you hand-pick for me right from our front yard or anywhere else you find them and I’ll always put them in a special cup of water because they are from you. They will never hold any comparison to the store-bought ones.

I hope you know I held back the tears when I dropped you off for your first day of school but I lost it the minute I closed the car door because one of my hardest days was the first day I had to drive away without you.

I hope you know this motherhood thing isn’t easy and raising boys isn’t for the faint of heart. It’s constantly holding on tight but learning that one day I have to do all this simply to let you go.

I hope you know that being your mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

But the most important thing of all I want you to know is that I wouldn’t want my life to be any other way, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I’d still choose this life with you as my sons a million times over. I’d endure the heartache and the trenches, the valleys, and the trials—just to get to call you mine. 

Nikki Pennington

Nikki is a stay at home mom to three, high spirited boys. Three years ago she became a motherless daughter after losing her own mom to terminal brain cancer. When she is not playing the role of referee for the boys, she spends her days trying to encourage and inspire others that are on the grief journey. Read more from Nikki on her blog: http://www.grieftohope.blogspot.com/