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As your time on this earth came close to the end, I pondered if I had given you the best life. I pondered if more treatment would be beneficial or harmful. I pondered if you knew how much you were loved and cherished

As the day to say goodbye grew closer, I thought about all the good times we had. I remembered how much you loved to travel. I remembered how many times you were there for me in my times of darkness. You would just lay right next to me on the days I could not get out of bed. In my days of emotional distress, you just showed me unconditional love. You loved without expectation.

As your days drew closer to the end, I remembered how much you just wanted to be near me. I remembered your youthful puppy days. I remembered how much you needed me then and how much you needed me now. As the day grew closer, you shared your pain with the look in your eyes.

RELATED: I Never Realized How Hard it Would Be to Say Goodbye

As your days were drawing to an end, I embraced giving you extra special love. I embraced helping you eat by bringing the water and food to you so you would not need to struggle. I embraced making sure you had meds to make you comfortable.

As your days here grew shorter, I knew the time to make a life-changing decision was imminent. I embraced it with unimaginable sadness.

On the day to say goodbye, I just loved on you and tried to give you the best last day. I wanted you to leave this world being loved on and not in pain. I wanted you to feel the wind driving down the road one more time. I wanted you to be happy and pain-free.

On that day, I tried to hold in my sadness so much for you. I had prayed for a miracle, but that was just not in God’s will. So on that day, I just loved you in your time of need, like you had done for me many, many times before.

I cherish the time we had together. I cherish the happiness and memories you brought to my life. I cherish the playful memories of your youth. I cherish the love you gave in your senior days when there was not much playfulness in your body or mind.

RELATED: When a Pet Dies, it’s Like Losing Part of the Family

Saying goodbye was not easy for me. Saying goodbye was the hardest decision I had to make. I had prayed so hard, but God had other plans. I prayed for a miracle, but God needed you more. I prayed for strength because I did not want your time leaving this earth to be stressful. I prayed because I did not want you to leave Earth alone.

And I just kept praying. But in those prayers, God gave me the strength to let you go. God gave me the strength to take you to the vet one last time. God gave me the strength to just love you in that time of need. But most of all, God gave me peace to let you go as humanely as possible.

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So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Carole Hawkins

My name is Carole Hawkins, and I am an aspiring writer. Also, I am a wife and mother of two beautiful children. I hope to share my writing with others and hope it will help just one person find freedom in a breakthrough, just as I have.

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