When you’re a little girl, you dream of the day you can pass all your Barbies and dolls on to your daughter and continue that same form of make-believe, to play dress up, do their hair, and go shopping with . . . at least I did.
You grow up, fall in love, get married, and decide to start a family and all those same emotions come rushing back about all you’ll do with your baby girl. You cut open that cake and the blue frosting peeks through, and you’re so excited that you forget all those girl dreams. You have this amazing little baby boy coming.
You decide: let’s have another baby. Those girl dreams come crashing back, and you pray and wish (secretly, of course, you don’t want to seem like you don’t appreciate it). Then, the day comes and you’re husband swings that golf club at that small gender golf ball, and a huge puff of blue smoke comes flying out!
And again you push those girl thoughts away because you have another amazing boy coming, and he will have an amazing big brother to teach him all the things.
You now have these two crazy, loud, loving amazing little guys, and you say I think we are done.
But one day you think why not try one more time for that little girl?
Deep down knowing—it’s going to be a boy.
So you decide—let’s do it! One more, and it’s okay either way because this baby is a blessing and will be your last. So you try, and it happens again, you get pregnant a third time. You wait and wonder do I sell all the boy clothes because it’ll be a girl, right?
The day comes and you gather with your family, ready to pop that balloon and you’re rained on by . . . yep, you guessed it blue confetti! You are so shocked and a strange feeling comes creeping in. Is that sadness? No, it can’t be, this is amazing. I have no right to be sad, some people never get this moment. So you choke that feeling down and smile with excitement.
That night you get a message from someone you don’t even know, but who knows your husband, and she basically says if you’re sad, it’s okay. You’re allowed to be. It can be a little sad.
So you accept those earlier feelings, especially knowing this is your last baby and all those girl dreams you had won’t ever come true.
It’s okay though, right?
You have that last baby months later, and all those dreams and thoughts about the dolls, pink dresses, bows, and Barbies fall from your head as soon as you see that sweet boy. Because you know deep down this is how it should be. Another boy!
You’re meant to be surrounded by superheroes, trucks, dinosaurs, and all the boy things. You’re meant to live in a loud, crazy, and silly home. You’re meant to be surrounded by these little men who love you more than anyone, who love to cuddle and hug and kiss you all day long. Who get hurt and come running and crying for their mommy. They still like to shop and get dressed up, they like to get their hair done and play with dolls—well superheroes—and that’s fine.
This is how my life was supposed to be.