At six-years-old, if I possibly could have, I would have told myself, “Tell someone!”

At seven, eight, nine, and 10 years-old, “Tell someone!”

At 11, “I know you’re confused, but doing that is not going to make that boy like you.”

At 12, “You have immeasurable worth already, you can’t earn it. You don’t know where you fit in, but you will. You’re lost right now, but you will find your way.”

At 14, “Wait. This is not the time or place. And doing that is not going to make that boy like you either. Just WAIT.”

At 15, “Stop chasing after love. You cannot capture love. Love is given freely when it’s really love.”

At 16, “You have got to begin to love yourself, exactly as you are. Until you decide you do, no one else will.”

At 18, “I know you’re still lost and so you’re following this man. And that’s OK, for now. You will be able to find your own way soon though, just not today, and not with him.”

At 21, “Yes, this man, he’s the one, but just slow down. There’s so much time.”

At 23, “This love you’ve been given is beautiful and real, and still, it’s not going to go down like you think it will. Like you both vowed it would.”

At 30, “Don’t start drinking now, you won’t want to stop.”

At 33, “You two are partners. Don’t treat each other like adversaries.”

At 36, “Drag him to marriage counseling. Do not take no for an answer. Demand he goes with you. It will all get so much worse if you don’t get the help you both need.”

At 41, “This life, it’s going to grab you by the throat and fling you around like a rag doll soon. You will think this is how you’re going to die, that you will never survive this kind of pain because you don’t have a clue as to how. But survive it you will, and then—then you will thrive.”

The lament is fierce over what I could not tell myself when I needed to hear it, know it, believe it. Instead, mercifully, I have a daughter I can tell all of these things to. Over and over, as many times as it takes, until she understands she is everything she needs to be—already—and that she possesses all the power she needs to stand up on her own two feet and call for justice, kindness, acceptance, love. Until she knows when she isn’t extended the former or the latter, it says more about those who are unwilling or unable to give them than it will EVER say about her.

What I can now tell my daughter because I know it for sure is this: daugther, your worth cannot be earned. From the beginning, it’s been more than enough and has always been tucked tightly into every cell of your beautiful body, the body that belongs to you and absolutely no one else for any reason or circumstance. So don’t try to earn worth and don’t let anyone lay claim to your body.

Daughter, the level at which you already belong exactly everywhere you decide you do is already immense and written in the stars and it cannot be diminished by any other woman or any other man.

Daughter, there’s no chasing. There’s only receiving. And there’s only giving freely to the freely receiving. Make sure their arms are open to you just as you are before you spend your heart on them.

Daughter, do not change for anyone, doing so will only alter your true self into something you were never meant to be and this act will ultimately damage you far more deeply than any rejection ever can.

Daughter, you don’t need him. The right one will compliment you, enhance you and exalt you because that’s what love does, but you can climb to whatever height you truly aspire to reach on your own. Don’t believe any lies to the contrary. Especially and most definitely not the lies you will inevitably end up telling yourself at times.

Daughter, do the hard work and demand he does it, too. If you don’t, it’s just going to get harder. Maybe too hard.

Daughter, don’t numb. Deal. Do the things you’re afraid of, feel the feelings that scare you and then you won’t fear them anymore.

Daughter, you might get your breath knocked out of you, you might get tripped, your fall might be broken only by rock bottom and you will not think you can get back up from there. Since you can’t even breathe you’ll be sure you’re stuck there. You’ll be wrong about that. But . . . if you truly can’t get up, if the weight of what you bear is heavy enough to pin you all the way down and you can’t budge it a bit, tell me that, daughter—tell me and I’ll pick you up and help you along until you’re sure-stepping on your own again. 

Daughter, you will always, eventually, most assuredly sure-step on your own again. No matter what. You will. Believe me when I tell you these things. Because I know them for sure. And I wish I could have told them to myself.

Daughter, don't numb. Deal. Do the things you're afraid of, feel the feelings that scare you and then you won't fear them anymore.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jodie Utter

Jodie Utter is a freelance writer & creator of the blog, Utter Imperfection. She calls the Pacific Northwest home and shares it with her husband and two children. As an awkward dancer who’s tired of making dinner and can’t stay awake past nine, she flings her life wide open and tells her stories to connect pain to pain and struggle to struggle in hopes others will feel less alone inside their own stories and more at home in their hearts, minds, and relationships. You can connect with her on her blog, Utter Imperfection and on FacebookInstagram, or Twitter.

To The Mother Who Is Overwhelmed

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Tired woman with coffee sitting at table

I have this one head. It is a normal sized head. It didn’t get bigger because I had children. Just like I didn’t grow an extra arm with the birth of each child. I mean, while that would be nice, it’s just not the case. We keep our one self. And the children we add on each add on to our weight in this life. And the head didn’t grow more heads because we become a wife to someone. Or a boss to someone. We carry the weight of motherhood. The decisions we must make each day—fight the shorts battle...

Keep Reading

To the Mother of My Son’s Future Wife

In: Grown Children, Inspiration, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood, Relationships
marriage, wife, husband, grown children, www.herviewfromhome.com

To the mother of my son’s future wife, I’m in the midst of dirty diapers and temper tantrums, but I do have days where I think about the future and what it will look like for my son. I wonder who he will be, what he will do and probably most of all, who he will love. I wonder about the type of woman he will bring home to meet us one day. I have my own thoughts on the type of person I wish my son would fall in love with, but we all know that the heart wants...

Keep Reading

Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith

In: Faith, Inspiration, Relationships
Trading Fleeting Moments of Fame for Unshakeable Faith www.herviewfromhome.com

The string quartet began playing Pachelbel, as my dad and I took our first steps down the aisle. I began to lose my composure as we proceeded to the altar. Hundreds of guests had their eyes on me as tears streamed down my face. Struggling to look my future in the eyes, I looked to the ground for reprieve. God, everything around me looks perfect, so why doesn’t this feel right? I’m not sure how I got here. The flame once dancing inside of me, has extinguished. Lord, I need you. Dad squeezed my hand gently, “Are you OK sweetie?”...

Keep Reading

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere

In: Inspiration, Kids, School, Teen
This North Dakota Homecoming Queen is Capturing Hearts Everywhere www.herviewfromhome.com

When Paula and Kevin Burckard’s third child was born, she arrived with a little something extra the North Dakota couple never saw coming.  Newborn Grace had Down syndrome, and the diagnosis initially left the young parents devastated. “When Grace was born, I thought all my dreams for my daughter had basically been dashed,” Paula said.  But it didn’t take long for those fears to subside.  As Grace grew, not only did she meet and surpass milestones, her infectious joy, inspirational grit, and deep love of all things Michael Jackson transformed the family—and countless hearts. The Burckhards went on to adopt...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, When I Forget What It’s Like To Be Little

In: Child, Inspiration, Kids, Motherhood
Hey Mom, Don't Forget—You Were a Kid Once, Too www.herviewfromhome.com

The kids were squealing in the backseat. For the five minutes prior they were begging me to spill the beans on where we were going as I had only told them to get their shoes, get in the car and buckle up. It’s one of the ways I’ve learned to make a simple trip out of the house one that is a mysterious adventure to them. As we took left and right turns away from our house, they were trying to guess where we were going . . . and when we finally pulled up to a brand new playground...

Keep Reading

My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me

In: Inspiration, Journal, Motherhood
My Children Deserve To See the Whole Me, Not Just the Mom Me www.herviewfromhome.com

Before I was a mother, I was a human being. A human being with life experiences, passions, fears, talents, hobbies, goals, friends and aspirations that I cherished and tried to honor. Even though I went through a variety of seasons of life . . . from school-age days, to working adult, to wife . . . those things always stayed with me. I stayed open to evolving, but never let go of who I inherently was. Then came motherhood. And suddenly I found myself abandoning my commitment to remain true to me, and leaving any semblance of myself in the...

Keep Reading

My Mother-in-Law’s Legacy: Simplicity

In: Inspiration, Journal
My Mother-in-Law's Legacy: Simplicity www.herviewfromhome.com

The memories of my mother-in-law spilled to the forefront of my mind, just as the contents of his jacket pocket fell onto our dresser. It was Proverbs 31, written on hotel stationery, in my neatest block print. Holding the small papers in my hand brought me right back to her graveside, on a hot summer morning, seven years ago. “Her children arise and call her blessed.” (verse 28) As my second daughter gave a mighty kick from the womb, visible to every mourner present that day, I couldn’t help but to allow my mind to wander. Were my values apparent...

Keep Reading

A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce

In: Inspiration, Journal
A Car Accident Left My Teenager Paralyzed—and Incredibly Fierce www.herviewfromhome.com

I drove back from my son’s college concert near midnight. Exhausted, I glanced at my 14-year-old daughter, Beth, asleep in the passenger seat. We were only 10 minutes from home. I thought I could make it until I heard a road sign flatten on concrete. As the car flipped three times across a bare Ohio field, we left behind an ordinary life. I escaped with cuts, bruises, and blood-matted hair. Beth was another story. The car was cut open and a helicopter rushed her to Toledo. A doctor told my husband John that she was paralyzed. When John broke the news...

Keep Reading

Dear Mama, You’re Allowed To Not Be There

In: Inspiration, Motherhood
Dear Mama, You're Allowed To Not Be There www.herviewfromhome.com

Friday afternoon was not much crazier than most afternoons. My husband was mowing the lawn, my daughter was hangry and my youngest son was due to be in a talent show in twenty minutes. I stood in the kitchen—where it seemed like I’d been for an hour—trying to motivate my family to eat dinner and get ready to go. “Get dressed, Jude. Make sure you eat something.” “Dean, do you want a slice of pizza before we leave?” I screamed over the lawn mower. “Maeve, are you going to the optional soccer practice or the talent show? You need to...

Keep Reading