Sometimes, when I see pictures of people in hazmat suits, I feel jealous.

I don’t fear Ebola or anything, and I’m not a survivalist and I don’t think I’ll ever need to protect myself from chemical spills or germ warfare. On the contrary, I want a hazmat suit for the next time one of my kids brings home norovirus.

That’s right, I fear what is quite possibly one of the least dangerous viruses in the developed world—the common stomach flu—in a way that can only be described as irrational. 

“Marigold threw up today,” one of my kids will say in a voice that belays her insight into just what this information will do to me on a deep, psychological level.

“What???”

“Yeah. She had to go home.”

Next, the interrogation. The answers to these questions will determine whether I remain sane through the next 48 hours or if I spend my time curled up in a fetal position in a dark room.

“Were you anywhere near her when it happened?”

“Yes, she was at my table.”

“Did any of it get on you?” 

“I don’t think so.”

“How did the teacher clean the table? With disinfectant? Or just with soap and water?”

“I don’t know, Mom.”

“Well, was it a spray bottle? What color was it?”

And so on.

Personally, I think a zombie apocalypse would be somewhat less terrifying than a school-wide outbreak of norovirus. My kids, on the other hand, don’t really seem to care if they get the stomach flu. But they just love to say the words, “I feel like I’m going to barf,” especially when they’re mad at me. Because I stop being intelligent at the mere mention of the words “stomach flu,” and its lesser forms “barf,” “puke” and “vomit.” And they know it.

On the plus side, I pretty much know everything there is to know about norovirus. I know how it is transmitted (oral-fecal anyone?), I know how long it remains in a person’s body (up to three weeks, which is also the exact number of weeks I will spend opening doorknobs with wet wipes and washing my hands until the skin cracks) and most importantly, I know how long the incubation period is (12 to 48 hours of having a minor breakdown every time I hear a kid cough or roll over in bed). 

I consider the greatest milestone of childhood to be the ability to make it to the toilet in time (crawling, standing unassisted, walking, talking—these things all pale in comparison). I own several pairs of rubber gloves that go all the way up to my elbows, only because I don’t think they make any that go all the way up to the armpits. I also have a gas mask. Not just the sort you buy for woodworking or spraying weeds or painting with smelly varnishes, either. I have a 6000 Series half facepiece reusable respirator with P100 particulate filters.

I told you I was irrational.

I also have a husband, who is my first line of defense against all things vomit. “Honey?” I say as one of my children appears in a doorway at 11:20pm with the words, “Mom? Something’s all over me!” “Honey, you know how many more diapers I changed than you did back when the kids were babies?”

And bless him, he usually does it. Usually.

Now I know my overblown paranoia is laughable, but keep in mind that while norovirus doesn’t kill a lot of people in the developed world, it’s not totally harmless. When my youngest child was two he was actually hospitalized with a norovirus-like illness and had to spend three days and two nights on IV fluids. Most of us who are unlucky enough to get noro will simply spend a few hours curled around a bucket or camped out on the bathroom floor, but for the very old and the very young norovirus can be a major health threat.

Happily, I hear they will have a norovirus vaccine available in less than five years. Like the flu shot, you will need to get one every year, since there are different strains of norovirus and immunity is thought to be temporary and incomplete. And although I know on an intellectual level that norovirus will probably not kill me, I shall brave all unknown side effects of the untested vaccine and be the first one to roll up my sleeve the second it becomes available. And my kids will get one routinely too, as soon as my pediatrician gives us the green light.

Zombie apocalypse? No problem. You can always move into a windowless bunker. Stomach flu? You don’t have the same option, though I have to admit it does sound like a pretty good idea.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Becki Robins

Becki Robins is a freelance writer and mother of four living in California’s Gold Country. She enjoys road tripping with her family and generally does a pretty good job living vicariously through her kids. Occasionally, she thinks about being crafty and riding horses, but never seems to get around to actually doing those things. She blogs at Travel by Stove (http://travelbystove.blogspot.com) about the joys of feeding scary international food to kids who would really rather be eating pizza.

Children Don’t Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger

In: Inspiration, Mental Health, Motherhood
Children Don't Get Easier, We Just Get Stronger www.herviewfromhome.com

“This too shall pass.” As mothers, we cling to these words as we desperately hope to make it past whichever parenting stage currently holds us in its clutches. In the thick of newborn motherhood, through night wakings, constant nursing and finding our place in an unfamiliar world, we long for a future filled with more sleep and less crying. We can’t imagine any child or time being more difficult than right now. Then, a toddler bursts forth, a tornado of energy destroying everything in his wake. We hold our breath as he tests every possible limit and every inch of...

Keep Reading

The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex

In: Health, Kids, Motherhood
The One Thing Young Kids Need to Know About Sex www.herviewfromhome.com

I currently have four kids in elementary school from kindergarten to fifth grade. My kids have not experienced any sexual abuse (to my knowledge); we have been very careful about any potential porn exposure; we closely monitor their involvement with pop culture through music, movies, books, and even commercials. While we might seem to err on the side of overly sheltering them, what we have also done is be very open with our kids about sex. We have told them the truth when they’ve asked questions. And have they asked some questions! Here’s a sampling of what I’ve been asked...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does

In: Health, Mental Health, Relationships
I Don't Have Anxiety—But My Husband Does www.herviewfromhome.com

I don’t have anxiety but my husband does.  We should have realized this years ago but we missed it. The realization came suddenly and as soon as it popped in my mind, it came out of my mouth. “You have anxiety.” I said. He looked at me trying to determine if I was joking or serious. “I am serious, you have anxiety.” His eyes left mine and found his phone. He picked it up and said, “Hey Siri, give me the definition of anxiety.” As the virtual assistant read off the definition she may as well have been reading my man’s personality...

Keep Reading

This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids

In: Health, Journal, Motherhood
This is What Life is Like For a Mom Who Wears Hearing Aids www.herviewfromhome.com

I’ll never forget the time I was standing on a dock in the middle of a lake, casually draining my long hair of water, soaking in the summer heat surrounding me. Little did I know, my right breast had escaped the clutches of my bikini top; it must have popped out when I dove into the cool lake. But because I wasn’t wearing my hearing aids—I can’t wear those babies in the water—I couldn’t hear those back on land who were calling at me to shove it back in. So, there I stood, clueless of the fact that I was...

Keep Reading

Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s

In: Health, Humor
Welcome to Periods in Your 30s and 40s www.herviewfromhome.com

Do you remember that day in the fifth grade when the boys and girls were separated for the “Sexuality and Development” talk? Some nice old lady health teacher came into your room and gave you some straight talk about how the next few years were going to go for you. It was awkward and shocking and you knew your childhood would never be the same. When you hit your mid-thirties, there should be some kind of Part Two to that conversation. All the ladies need to be rounded up, lead into a dimly lit classroom that smells vaguely of pencil...

Keep Reading

How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

In: Health, Journal, Relationships
How Can You Love an Abusive Man? I Did—Until I Decided to Choose Myself.

He walked over to the table I was sitting at with some friends and casually, yet confidently, pulled up a chair. His voice was deep and he had a luring accent that immediately caught my attention. His distinctly cut jawline along his perfectly trimmed beard made him seem older, I thought, than the age I’d soon learn he was. Our paths had crossed before like two ships in the night, forbidding us from ever quite meeting as we did that day . . . eye to eye, energy to energy He chatted with me and our mutual friends for a...

Keep Reading

I’m Not Sure How Long I’ll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal…and That’s OK

In: Cancer, Child Loss, Grief, Mental Health
I'm Not Sure How Long I'll Need an Antidepressant to Feel Normal...and That's OK www.herviewfromhome.com

I tried to wean off of Zoloft and couldn’t. And that’s OK. I had never really been aware of the world of antidepressants. My life has been relatively uneventful—with the normal ups and downs that most of us go through. I knew people on medication for depression but never understood. How can you be THAT sad that you can’t just be positive and make the best of your circumstances? How can someone be THAT unhappy ALL the time to need medication? I didn’t get it. I felt bad for people going through it. Then my 2-year-old was diagnosed with Stage...

Keep Reading

To the Mom With the Anxious Soul

In: Journal, Mental Health, Motherhood
To the Mom With the Anxious Soul www.herviewfromhome.com

I see you, mama. You’re the one sitting alone at the family party. You’re the one hovering a little too close to your sweet babies at the park. You’re the one standing in the bathroom at work for just a moment of quiet. Your thoughts are swirling constantly, faster and more fearful that a “regular” mama. You find yourself spaced out at times, and hyper aware at others. You’ve heard the words “just relax” and “everything is fine” more times than you care to count. Sometimes you wish you could make everyone understand why you are the way you are...

Keep Reading

I Am My Child’s Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me

In: Baby, Child, Health
I Am My Child's Advocate—and Other Valuable Lessons a Stay in the PICU Taught Me www.herviewfromhome.com

What started out to be a normal Thursday ended with a race to the children’s ER with my six-month-old. I was terrified. My adrenaline was pumping. My baby was struggling to breathe. The day before, he had been diagnosed with RSV. A simple cold to most healthy toddlers and adults turned out to be life threatening to my infant.   Once we were admitted, I knew this was serious. I knew he was in danger. I could sense the concern and urgency in the doctor’s voice. I knew the gravity of that wing of the hospital he was being wheeled...

Keep Reading

To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes

In: Cancer, Child, Child Loss, Health
To the Young Warriors Fighting Cancer, You Are Superheroes www.herviewfromhome.com

Most people never get to meet their heroes. I have, in fact—I have met many heroes. These heroes didn’t set out for greatness; they fell victim to a terrible disease and faced it with courage, might and bravery like I have never seen before. And when we talk about this type of battle, there is no such thing as losing. whether the battle ended in death, life, or debility, each of these heroes defeated. My heroes are the innocent children who battle cancer. I high-fived, hugged, wept over, laughed and played with my heroes for 10 years as a nurse. And you better believe I...

Keep Reading