I have a fever. The fever, in fact.
You know the one I’m talking about — induced by exposure to tiny, cooing, rosy-cheeked babies and expectant mommy friends lovingly rubbing their growing bumps.
I joke about it, but in all seriousness, my husband and I are ready to expand our family of four. Earlier this month, our not-so-baby baby turned 18 months. In our world, this is like the magic number. We’ve always wanted our kids to be around two years apart, and so far it’s worked out well for us.
However, as much as I want my plans for future baby #3 to work out my way, I realize they might not. And I’m okay with that.
I realize something now that I didn’t back when we struggled to conceive our first child — sometimes, God has a different plan. For years, I was angry and bitter with God. I couldn’t fathom why we — people who wanted a child so badly and would love it so much — couldn’t get pregnant, while other people who weren’t even trying or ready to be parents could.
It didn’t seem fair, and my faith started to wane. I never stopped praying for a baby, but I didn’t really believe I’d ever have one.
But then we took the steps to get help. I know it seems silly, since having a baby costs quite a bit, but spending the money on fertility assistance seemed too daunting for a long time. We put a lot of thought into it and knew we were ready, and to our amazement and wonder, our first round of Clomid worked. We never felt so lucky in our entire lives.
I remember praying and thanking God, but it took awhile for me to hit upon something — He answered my prayers, even when my faith was small. He wasn’t ignoring me that whole time. He was saying, “Wait, I have a different plan.” And today, I’m grateful for that different plan. It wasn’t our plan, but it ended up being the right plan. When the time was right, He led us down the correct path. My husband and I grew closer during our waiting time. We grew up, saved more money, and became more equipped.
I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. I was equipped when we tried for our second baby, and I’m equipped this time. There’s no way for us to really know what will happen. Just as we were surprised with how difficult it was to conceive our first, we were surprised with how easy it was with our second.
It’s all in God’s hands and plans. I firmly believe that, and I know when it’s time for our family to grow once more, it will be in God’s perfect time. I’m not saying it will always be this easy. I’m not sure what’s in store, and if months go by, I will probably be upset each time a chance passes. But my faith in God’s plan won’t waver, even if I don’t understand it.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11