I’ve been replaced.
My best friend has a new best friend.
And maybe it sounds juvenile of me, but it hurts.
You see, we’ve been best friends since high school. And we’ve been through a lot together.
From our first loves to our first heartbreaks. From feeling unstoppable as teenagers to finding our own paths in college. From landing our first jobs to getting our own apartments. From silly nights of partying to settling down and getting married. From becoming pregnant to adjusting to life as new moms. From planning girls’ nights out and girls’ trips to celebrating kids’ birthday parties and volunteering at school events.
Navigating through decades from our teens, 20s, 30s, and now into our 40s—we did it all together.
We’ve shared secrets we’d only tell each other. We’ve laughed so hard it hurts at jokes only the two of us would get. We’ve ugly cried to one another. We’ve been there for each other during our failures and successes, mistakes, and all the important milestones. We’ve supported one another through the really tough stuff.
We share a friendship that has stood the test of time. A friendship without judgment. Without jealousy.
A friendship I feel fortunate to have.
She’s someone I’ve always counted on. She accepts me for who I am. She’s a few-and-far-between friend.
But now it seems she’s found a new best friend.
And slowly my insecurities creep in as I wonder . . . What does she have that I don’t? Do they just get along better? Is it her social status? Is she more relatable? More fun? A better person to be around?
I feel silly saying it. As a grown woman, I shouldn’t be bothered by it. But I am.
It bothers me.
It bothers me because it scares me. It scares me to think I might lose her friendship. And that’s when the pit in my stomach grows.
It’s like that feeling you get when you’re in a relationship and know it’s ending but you just don’t want it to, so you desperately hold on to hope that maybe things will just work out. But you know, deep down you know, it just isn’t going to.
I’ve come to the realization that the older you get, the harder it is to make new friends.
Friends you can really trust.
Friends who have your best interest at heart.
Friends who aren’t superficial or catty or full of drama.
Friends who don’t get offended or angry when you cancel plans.
Friends who don’t require an invitation to get together.
Friends who you can just be you with.
As I feel us drifting apart, I struggle to accept her newfound friendship. The friendship that seems to be replacing ours.
It’s like that moment in high school when everyone else has been asked to prom but you. Not only do you feel super alone, but you just feel left out. It’s as if you don’t fit in. You don’t belong. You’ve become an outsider looking in.
So while I try to navigate through this shift in our friendship, I hope one thing remains true. I hope no matter where our lives take us and how much or little we may talk, I hope we will always be there for one another.
I hope that whatever life may throw at us, we can still just be a phone call away.
I hope she knows what an important part of my life she is and always will be.
And who knows, maybe one day we’ll end up right back where we started . . . the best of friends.