Some women seem to have it all together… happy, thin, pretty, great hair, gorgeous smile, handsome husband, and good kids. Well, I can’t say I’m all those things, but I do have people tell me, “you are the strongest person I know and seem to have it all together.”

I may appear to have it together, but it has not always been that way. My life has not always been positive or easy. I have struggled with kids bullying me in country school; not fitting in the popular crowd in high school; not feeling I was good enough because I didn’t have the cool clothes like everyone else. I can remember telling God I just didn’t want to be here anymore.

I had friends, one or two, but nothing like the popular kids who hung out with a group. My one or two good friends were just that…good friends. Back then, I didn’t consider myself popular, think I was pretty or believe that anyone would listen to what I had to say. Back then, I believed in God, talked to Him and prayed, but my faith was not as STRONG as it is now.

I can remember in college planning out my perfect life. I knew what my husband would look like, when I wanted to marry, when I would have kids, how many, what perfect job I would have and that I would live happily ever after. HELLO, that doesn’t even happen in books anymore! It didn’t happen in my life, either. The guy I thought I would marry I didn’t.

Thank God for that!

It was not my plan, but I am blessed with the one God did pick for me.

 After I got married and had kids, I thought my life was going in the exact direction I had planned. God had other ideas. Twists, turns, and bumps have repeatedly disrupted my perfectly planned world.

God had a plan for my life back then just as he does now. The girl that didn’t feel like she was good enough in high school, slowly changed. She worked on being positive, grew herself personally and continued to pray and look to God for guidance.

I still have a hard time believing people want to hear what I have to say. I still don’t feel like I have it all together even if it looks like it on the outside. “Why me?” I ask God. But, it was loud and clear the night of August 23, 2013 when God showed me how MIGHTY and POWERFUL he was. The night God took my son home with him. The night I had two choices – Trust or Not.

I chose to Trust!

God is in control and he has totally changed how “I” had planned my life. You see it is not at all about “I” it’s about Him. I would encourage you to step back and look at your life. Are you planning it or are you Trusting God as he plans it?

Missy Hillmer

Missy Hillmer is a writer, photographer, wife, mother, creative lady whose mind is constantly on the go. She loves coffee, dark chocolate especially with nuts, music soothes her soul and being outside in the sun recharges her body. She has an angel in Heaven. Her faith is what gets her through each day. Since her son Tyler’s accident she is passionate about telling her story with the hope that it will help or inspire at least one person who has lost a child.