Gifts for Dad ➔

Written By:  Kathy Glow @ Kissing the Frog

2003 was to be my very first Mother’s Day. If I would have had my way, it would have happened a lot sooner than that. But as is typical in marriage, I had to compromise. I wanted to start trying right away; Hubby wanted to wait a year.

We settled on six months.

But six months turned into a year, plus more. I just assumed I’d have no problem getting pregnant despite the fact that I was 31, then 32, and had been on a birth control pill for seven years. After officially trying for five months, my doctor put me on Clomid, a common fertility drug. It yielded nothing more than a negative pregnancy test and a month’s worth of crying.

The second month I took the Clomid, the pregnancy test was negative again . . .or so I thought. I stuffed the test into my suitcase to dispose of later, not wanting anyone we were staying with on vacation to know that we’d been trying.

When I pulled it out to show Hubby, we both saw it: two very faint pink lines. We told my parents right away, but no one else. My due date was Mother’s Day. We were elated.

Two weeks later, after a long day at work, I found pink blood in my underwear. Not wanting to panic and be THAT first-time mom, I pressed on about my days teaching and running errands rather than resting.

Two days later, I thought I was going to die. I woke up to the worst cramps I have ever had in my life. I lost the baby that I was just forming dreams about, and I cried for four days.

I told no one about my miscarriage. I felt broken, ashamed, defective.

I had wanted to be a mom for as long as I could remember. I felt I was already a mom in my mind and in my heart. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t be a mother in life.

Months went on and still no baby. I watched one of my best friends get “accidentally” pregnant and have the baby all while I was still trying, hoping, and buying pregnancy tests in bulk. A year and a half went by and still no baby in my arms.

At the time, I had a job with the Omaha Public school district mentoring teachers in my former school building. Every time I went back, my friends and former co-workers would ask me when we were going to have children. They would say things like, “We thought you’d have lots of children by now” and “You better hurry up and start having babies if you want to keep up with your husband’s family.” His was a family full of children, a family full of mothers.

I wasn’t sure what hurt worse – not being able to get pregnant, hearing the things people would say to me, or feeling ashamed that I couldn’t do something so simple, so natural.

The day that I visited my friend and her new baby in the hospital was the day I went to the fertility doctor for the first time. It felt a little bit like trying out for freshman basketball in high school again. I didn’t make the JV team, nor did I make the freshman “A” team. The coach of the “B” team said to all of us rejects, “You didn’t make JV and you didn’t make the “A” team. Let’s see who wants the starter position on the “B” team badly enough!” I remember feeling broken, but pissed off. I was stubborn and determined that I was going to get that starter spot because I knew that I could play basketball. I wanted to be the best of the worst even though I hated the thought.

I was a reject in the world of mothers, too, but I was stubborn and determined to build my family. I endured five months of invasive tests, needle pricks, blood draws, shots in the ass, and bags of cold peas on my butt. Ultrasounds and pregnancy tests showed nothing. That Mother’s Day – and my once expected due date – came and went, and my heart broke even more.

I cried every time I saw a story of child abuse on the news. “Give me the baby!” I’d yell at the t.v. I cringed every time someone complained about their children. “I’ll take them,” I’d mutter under my breath. I knew I was a mom – if I could just get the job!

Two weeks after my “first” Mother’s Day, I did get the job. My journey was over – I was finally going to become the mother in my arms that I knew I had been in my heart all along – to not one child, but two!

EPSON MFP image 

A year later, when Hubby and I were packing up our house to move across the country to Long Island, we each held a baby in our arms as we cleaned out our refrigerator. I pulled a bag of peas out of the freezer bearing the distinct shape of my hind end.

Hubby asked, “Are we going to keep the butt peas?”

I smiled as I tossed them in the garbage, “Nope, don’t need them anymore.”

***

In the past ten years, I’ve been a mom in my heart two other times to babies who didn’t make it to my arms. I’ve lost a son to cancer, so in my heart he’ll stay.

I’ve learned so much about motherhood on my journey to get there. Each woman has her own unique story of becoming a mother, and what I came to know was that mine wasn’t so different than a lot of women’s. Every woman, no matter if she is the mother to one or to many, to none or to special ones, one who is here or in heaven, faces the unique challenges of motherhood, and none of us should feel ashamed by any part of our journey.

kahty3 

I dedicate my post to all the different kinds of moms – accidental ones, intentional ones, long suffering ones, wishful ones, stand-in ones, surrogate ones, adoptive ones, still-trying ones. You are all loved and cherished, necessary and needed – today and every day.

Kathy Glow

Kathy Glow is a wife and mom to four lively boys and one beautiful angel in Heaven, lost to cancer. Most days you can find her under a pile of laundry ordering take-out. When she is not driving all over town in her mini-van or wiping “boy stuff” off the walls, she is writing about what life is REALLY like after all your dreams come true. Her writing has been featured on sites such as Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, Good Housekeeping, and Mamalode; but Her View From Home is her favorite place to be. Her blog is at www.lifewiththefrog.com. You can follow her on Facebook at Kissing the Frog.

Lent For Kids: 40 Ways To Spend 40 Days

In: Featured, Kids
Cross with bird

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the Lenten season leading to Easter. Our 3-year-old has been talking about the Easter bunny since January, when he finally understood that Christmas was over. While I’m happy he’s excited for the upcoming holiday, I really want to find some good, concrete ways to help him learn that this time of year is not only about bunnies and candy in eggs. So, I’ve decided to come up with 40 ways to spend the 40 days of Lent with kids. Some of these will work better with older children, while others are great for...

Keep Reading

Chocolate Pot de Crème

In: Featured, Kitchen

Chocolate and romance go hand in hand and with Valentine’s Day around the bend, why not have a beautifully simple and romantic dessert on the menu? With Valentine’s Day falling on a Saturday, it might be a little more difficult to get those reservations to go out to eat to celebrate. If you end up staying home, why not have an easy, romantic dessert to finish your meal? Made in a blender or food processor and refrigerated, this recipe is easy to make and the result can be a beautiful and elegant dessert that will put the perfect cap on...

Keep Reading

Creamy Chicken and Rice Soup

In: Featured, Kitchen

Written By:  Rachel Gnagy @ Inscribed Photography & Design (recipe originally from here) One of my favorite ‘girly’ meals to make is soup served in bread bowls. I love getting the Broccoli Cheese soup at Quizno’s (it’s healthy because it has broccoli, right?) and Panera’s Cream of Chicken & Wild Rice soup. YUM. So when I saw a recipe on Pinterest for creamy chicken and rice soup, I thought I would give it a try! You will need: 1 Tablespoon of olive oil 2-3 carrots, sliced 2 cloves of garlic, minced 5 cups of chicken stock 1 cup of cooked chicken,...

Keep Reading

Chicken Cordon Bleu for Two

In: Featured, Kitchen

Written By:  Rachel @ Inscribed Photography (Recipe originally from here) Valentine’s Day is coming up and with that in mind I wanted to bring you an easy, delicious meal for you and your special man. This recipe is by far the easiest Chicken Cordon Bleu recipe and it is super yummy too! Pair it with some steamed veggies on the side and something chocolatey for dessert and you’re all set for a romantic dinner for two. For the chicken, you will need: 2 chicken breasts, cut in half lengthwise 8 slices of deli ham 8 slices of Swiss cheese 1...

Keep Reading

Easy Weeknight Beef Stroganoff

In: Featured, Kitchen

We all have those heirloom recipes we grew up with, but when you get married you inherit a whole new set of recipes your spouse grew up with, too. This stroganoff recipe is one that my husband grew up eating and then cooked frequently for himself before I took over in the kitchen. (ha.) He made it for me once while we were dating, and I will admit – I was super skeptical. Generally, these sorts of humble dishes aren’t my cup of tea – the ones made with cream-of canned soups and noodles. However, I tried it and was...

Keep Reading

Hanging Onto Hope: The Dream That Saved My Baby Girl

In: Faith, Featured, Journal, Kids
Hanging Onto Hope: The Dream That Saved My Baby Girl www.herviewfromhome.com

Family and friends often assure pregnant women that their “maternal instincts” can be relied on to guide them into motherhood. This previously undiscovered gift will reveal itself the first time she holds her child. As a mother of four I believe in this instinct, but also recognize that experience and wisdom help. The birth of our fifth child, Kinsley, has introduced me to another source of guidance and strength that I never anticipated. Kinsley was born the day after Christmas. She was pink, beautiful and certified by the medical staff as being in perfect health. She was welcomed with unconditional...

Keep Reading

Bow Your Head and Vote, Yes the Outcome is Rigged

In: Featured
Bow Your Head and Vote, Yes the Outcome is Rigged www.herviewfromhome.com

“Keep in mind this is God’s plan! And who am I to dare question God’s plan!” I say it over and over as I watch this mess unfold before me. This mess, America is calling an election. I have never been impressed with the two-party system. It allows too much power to a select few and limits our freedoms. So, as I watch and listen and pray, as Trump and Clinton march to the White House, I only hope more Americans now see the disaster that is the two-party system. Two people that should be sitting in jail are now...

Keep Reading

This Kick-Ass Cancer Survivor Shares 20 Easy Ways To Make Your Life Healthier Today

In: Featured, Health, Healthy Living, Mental Health, Motherhood
This Kick-Ass Cancer Survivor Shares 20 Easy Ways To Make Your Life Healthier Today www.herviewfromhome.com

I recently went through quite an experience with my health. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in September of 2015. Following my diagnosis, I underwent a treatment regimen of chemotherapy, double mastectomy, and then, 28 rounds of radiation.  Before my diagnosis, I felt the healthiest I have probably, in my whole life. I was exercising regularly. Eating, conscious of my health. And after birthing three kids in 6 years, finding ways to focus on myself once again. And then — WHAM — cancer.  Excuuuuuuuuse me?!?! Cancer?!? I was, for all intents and purposes, a 33-year-old with great habits and a great...

Keep Reading

The Great Melt Down

In: Faith, Featured, Kids, Kitchen
The Great Melt Down www.herviewfromhome.com

When my brother Bobby and I were little kids, one of the great treats of summer was a journey to a neighboring town where my dad would buy each of us a hand-dipped ice cream cone. During the drive home, my mom would turn around from the front seat and point out drips that we back-seat-riders needed to lick up quick. I, the ever-eager pleaser, would anxiously eat my ice cream as quickly as possible, barely taking a breath between licks. Bobby, on the other hand, came up with the more reasonable response. He would grin at Mom and bite...

Keep Reading

The Best (and free) Drug Prevention Strategy

In: Featured, Health, Healthy Living, Kids, Relationships
The Best (and free) Drug Prevention Strategy www.herviewfromhome.com

A secret Facebook group has been uncovered by police that connects kids as young as 12 years-old to places where they can buy drugs. (see the link to the story at the end of this blog)  Shocking? Yes. Surprising? No. Kids find a way, don’t they? So what can we do? There are apps we can buy. There are rules we can make. There are punishments we can deliver.  Yet the best prevention of all is our relationship with our young people.  Time together, conversation, and honest sharing of our lives is the most effective way to influence our kids–even...

Keep Reading

 5 Secrets to Connect with Your Kids

FREE EMAIL BONUS

Proven techniques to build REAL connections