I determined today would be the day that I’d sit on the porch and read for a while. I wanted it to be relaxing. The chills set in, so I wrapped in a blanket. The water cup was filled to the brim. I opened the book. And then I came to this sentence. I read and took a deep breath. I couldn’t read any more because it cut to the core of who I am, tot the core of who we all are.
In The Reason for God by Tim Keller, Cynthia Heimel is quoted as saying, “The giant thing they were striving for, that fame thing that was going to make everything OK, that was going to make their lives bearable, that was going to fill them with ha-ha-happiness had happened, and the next day they woke up and they were still them. The disillusionment turned them howling and insufferable.”
We crave that ha-ha happiness. We want it more than anything. We think a career or a boyfriend or a husband will solve it. We think the perfectly captured moment for Instagram will brag about it. We think the full calendar will justify it. We crave the affirmation; the stamp of purpose. Whatever it is for you, there is something your heart desires most.
Sadly we are a discontent group. Sadly we rest in our situations as if there is no hope for tomorrow. Sadly we scroll one more time through Facebook hoping to cheer ourselves up. Sadly we realize our carved pumpkin pales in comparison to so and so. Sadly we cry those tears hoping a be married, have children. Sadly we focus on a career goal with a six figure income that can ultimately be snatched from us in a moment’s notice.
We are all searching for purpose. We are looking for that one thing in life that will seal us with a stamp of approval of “Job well done!” How do I know? Because I’m that girl too. As a newlywed, I have been learning and seeking my purpose as a wife. What does my life look like in this role? I am confident the Lord has blessed me with a husband at this point in life to show me a greater picture of Himself. I am certain the Lord is using this time in my life to direct my purpose to HIM and not him. I know this probably doesn’t make sense. But maybe this will – THE LORD IS OUR ULTIMATE. It’s not found in a size on the scale or a degree or a career or a car. It’s not found in a husband or a boyfriend or girlfriend.
When all of these things come crashing down, we crash. When the boyfriend leaves, we lose it. I’ve lost it. When the job fails, we lose hope. When the car won’t start, we want better. When we fail, we are bitter. Our security is resting in someone/thing other than the Lord.
I am thankful for the verse found in Psalm 23:3 – HE restores my soul. This verse comes to mind often, including this morning. I was reminded of how God does restore. I am reminded of how He took an insecure high school girl and protected her. I am reminded of how He took a college girl wanting for a love and shielded her from and during unfortunate dating relationships. I am reminded of how He gave me some lowly jobs to restore my trust in Him as the provider. I was certainly reminded this morning how He took a girl who questioned His very existence six months ago and pursued her constantly. He restores my soul, so that I will look to Him as my ultimate – not my job, not my husband, not my family, not my church. Him.
When we aren’t focused on Him, we are trying to fill that God-gap in our lives with many other things that just won’t fit – Think: trying to put a puzzle together with a 3 year old. She will force that piece right on in, but it just won’t work. That’s what we try to do. Friends, here it is: Seek Him. Look for Him. Don’t run. Don’t fill those places with other things. He wants to give you those things. I believe it with everything I am. He is a good God. But let Him be your ultimate.
Because yes – we may wake up and still be us. But He is better. He is greater. He is worth it.