I kept trying to find the perfect words to express how my daughter, Aria, turning 4 months makes me feel. As I repeatedly wrote and deleted I couldn’t find the perfect words, because I wasn’t writing about the right moments. So here it goes.
One year ago I wasn’t married. One year ago I transitioned from living and working at the Ronald McDonald House to living in a different apartment and working full time at a different job. One year ago I had no idea God had a different plan for my husband, Joel and I. One year ago I had no idea the best thing in my life was growing inside of me.
I took the test; it came out positive. Bacon cooked on the stovetop while Joel came to check on me. It wasn’t the perfect timing to see if our lives were going to be changed forever. I’d thought being pregnant with my first child wouldn’t lead to me crying hysterically in the bathroom, but life is funny that way. Joel held us together. Then we checked on the bacon; it was burnt.
A couple days ago Aria turned 4 months. Just a short 365 days ago no one knew she existed except God, Joel and me. She’s our miracle, and I wouldn’t exchange our lives for anything else. So when I think about Aria turning 4 months, I think about how a third of a year has already passed. I think about her growth and changes.
Aria is obsessed with her feet. She babbles and sometimes screams to get our attention. In the morning she always has a smile on her face. Aria LOVES when dad comes home from work and they get to ‘hang.’ She could spend an hour in the bathtub if we let her. Tummy time is beginning to not be the end of the world, and she tries really hard to roll from her back to her tummy which I find ironic.
She explores everything by putting it in her mouth. We’re pretty sure she’s trying to eat her own hands sometimes. Aria can sit up for a couple seconds by herself, and it’s humorous to see her slowly topple over. She’s been doing this thing where she makes her lips disappear, so we might start calling her turtle.
One year ago, I couldn’t imagine writing about our four-month-old daughter while she rests her tired eyes in the swing. Nor could I foresee the immense joy our daughter would bring to our lives. I thought God was bringing me into a different direction in terms of work and living situations, but he had a much bigger plan for me.
He planned for me to become a mother. In this moment I look at her chunky cheeks squished against her favorite stuffed giraffe, Aria sleeping soundly and swinging back and forth, and I’m in awe. No one else could have given me a greater gift. God knew at the time, Aria Grace is who we needed the most.
Proverbs 16:9 “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.