I am losing another one. Due to the nature of my husband’s job (he’s a college-level coach), it’s usually us doing the leaving. But lately, it seems like I’m the one getting left. And while I appreciate the stability my husband’s current position offers us, that doesn’t make it any easier to say goodbye to people I care about.
As I text back and forth with this most recent friend I am in the process of saying goodbye to, she sends me a song title from Wicked and says she thought of me when she heard “For Good.”
Curiously, I play the song, and instantly, all the tears I’ve held back start streaming down my face. My littlest runs immediately to me and throws her arms around my neck. When she asks me what’s wrong, and I tell her a close friend is moving, she replies, “We can always add new friends, but we never really let go of the old ones.”
Wisdom from an 8-year-old allows me to let the lyrics from the song “For Good” sink in.
I’ve heard it said
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don’t know if I believe that’s true
But I know I’m who I am today
Because I knew you.
And the words rang true as I reflected on the last couple of friends I’ve welcomed into my life, only to watch them have to leave for one reason or another.
The friend before this one had to leave because she experienced betrayal and life-disrupting heartache. While I was brought into her life to be a support and hold the light for her while she walked through the darkest period of her life to date, she taught me a lesson I can never forget. She modeled Christ-like reactions and decisions on what to do next. When everything in me wanted to hurt the one who hurt her, the steps she took were powered by mercy and grace.
My former discipleship pastor became like a brother to me. I sat in his office week after week, trying to figure out what I was to do with my life and how to find my purpose in this world. His guidance gave me the next step that has led me down a path for what God created me to do. But as he was mentoring me, he unexpectedly got a job offer before what he thought was his time. I was able to counsel him thanks to my experience with moving and leadership development.
This most recent friend is too early and raw to process how exactly we’ve affected each other. But if I had to guess in the middle of my grieving process, I’d say we were able to be 100 percent our raw, unedited selves around each other. And instead of being met with judgment or opinions, we only experienced acceptance and understanding.
Early in our moving-around days, I believed that making real, authentic connections with people was a waste of time that would only end in heartbreak. I became weary and walled myself off from true and meaningful friendships. But that was even harder than letting people in.
After almost 10 years of living with an open heart, I can honestly say that nothing is ever wasted, especially if you’re willing to learn a lesson. I am a more caring, empathetic, generous, and loving person. I am 100% a better person because of all the friends who have come and gone.
And as the words of my 8-year-old wrapped around my broken heart, I realized she was right. We never truly let go of the old one. We carry a little piece of them around with us in how they changed and shaped us.
So let people in, for good.
So let me say before we part
So much of me
Is made of what I learned from you
You’ll be with me
Like a handprint on my heart
And now whatever way our stories end
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend.
by Amy Keyes 
by Jennifer Thompson 
