“I have the perfect solution for those dark circles under your eyes,” the message read. “Kids are exhausting right? I used to blame them for my raccoon eyes, too, but thanks to these products, I look so much better!” The sender went on to say that she just HAD to share her amazing facial products with all her friends.

How strange it was to be called a friend by someone I hadn’t seen or spoken with in more than seven years. In fact, we had never once acknowledged each other outside of the workplace all those years ago. And yet, there I stood, face-to-face with her courtesy of my smart phone.

And that’s just one example of the recent messages I’ve received from old, new, and barely friends. All with the intent of selling me a solution for some perceived problem that I, as an aging woman and mother, could surely benefit from.

There was the message that promised me a solution for all the mood swings involved in being at home with kids all day. “These oils help regulate feelings of anxiety and depression, and they’ll help you to be the mom you want to be!”

And there was the one that promised me a quick weight loss solution. “You’ll see results in just 30 days! No more fluff when swimsuit season arrives!”

And then there was the one that promised storage solutions for all the kid stuff. “You don’t have to be overwhelmed by ALL the toys anymore because you’ll have the perfect place to store them!”

But here’s the thing. I’ve purchased and tried many of these products and not ONE of them has been life changing. Nor have any of them actually been what I needed.

The jar of beauty cream sits nearly untouched in the cabinet drawer. It’s just not a priority when I’m rushing around the house each morning in search of lost shoes and disappearing homework, before changing a last-minute poopy diaper while desperately trying not to be late for school again. And at night? Well, sleep is just so much more important to me than beauty.

The oils smell good, sure, but they provide no solution when the tantrums are in full swing or when my children only communicate by stomping their feet and rolling their eyes or when they suddenly become fountains of vomit and poop.

The shakes and bars do nothing to curb my hunger, therefore causing me to inhale even more chocolate when I manage an escape to my bedroom closet for a minute or two.

And the pretty storage bags and boxes? Not only have they become just one more thing for my children to toss recklessly around the house, but they haven’t managed to put one toy neatly inside, as intended.

What I really need when life is overwhelming? When I am stuck in a cycle of emotional eating? When I am drowning in noise, attitude, and toys? When I’ve sunken into the dark abyss of motherhood? When I am utterly exhausted?

I need a friend. A real friend.

Not someone who points out my flaws and failures for their financial gain. Not someone whose willingness to help me is wrapped up in the exchange of money for goods.

But someone who sits with me in the darkness and the overwhelm, fully aware that there is no solution. Someone who eats gobs of chocolate with me while the kids wreak havoc, because sometimes chocolate is the real solution. Someone who acknowledges and accepts that motherhood is an emotional rollercoaster and that not even the most luxurious scents can stop the wild ride. Someone who cheers on my willingness to wear a swimsuit, despite the rolls that spill out. And maybe, just maybe, someone who is willing to provide respite by providing childcare so I can simply breathe.

There isn’t one solution that is going to put an end to aging or the chaos of motherhood. But the solution to surviving it all? A good friend with nothing to offer me but love and acceptance.

You may also like:

Dear Friend, Count on Me to Support Your MLM Business

Friendship Requires Sacrifice

Life is Too Short for Fake Cheese and Fake Friends

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Check out our new Keepsake Companion Journal that pairs with our So God Made a Mother book!

Order Now
So God Made a Mother's Story Keepsake Journal

Jenny Albers

Jenny Albers is a wife, mother, and writer.  She is the author of Courageously Expecting, a book that empathizes with and empowers women who are pregnant after loss. You can find Jenny on her blog, where she writes about pregnancy loss, motherhood, and faith. She never pretends to know it all, but rather seeks to encourage others with real (and not always pretty) stories of the hard, heart, and humorous parts of life. She's a work in progress, and while never all-knowing, she's (by the grace of God) always growing. You can follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

I’m Thankful for the Community We’ve Found

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Community on street having a picnic

It was the end of the school holidays, and the return to school after Christmas was looming. The children had had two weeks at home. The general sense of routine was lost for the boys, with late nights and relaxing days watching YouTube while playing their Switch. I was eager for routine to make a reappearance through school. As we headed into the weekend before the start of school, Josh had a cough and then a fever, and it became clear this would not be the week I had envisioned. By Monday morning the boys appeared more lethargic than usual,...

Keep Reading

Invite People Over, It’s Always Worth It

In: Friendship, Living
Family greeting friends on front steps of house

I meticulously vacuumed and mopped, water streaks practically mocking me with the contrast of dirty to clean. Tending to the floors was always my least favorite chore, but now that people were coming over, it was a necessity I couldn’t ignore. I obsessively worried that crumbs would stick to guest’s feet during dinner and that thought alone sent me into round three of detecting those that were camouflaged. When the new couple arrived, I was relieved they were wearing socks. I had set the table with extra linens and placemats to which my perplexed children inquired, “What are these?” as...

Keep Reading

Find True Friends and Hold on Tight

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Friends walking away with arms linked

I’m a mother of two young boys, ages three years old and three months old. Since the recent birth of my youngest son, I’ve transitioned from therapist and social worker in the workplace to stay-at-home mom. I’ve come to realize I’m no expert on parenting and there are many things I’m uncertain of as a mother, but there is one thing that I’m completely sure of . . . we all need the real mom friends in our lives. The real mom friends are the ones who show up authentically for you in your life and provide you with the...

Keep Reading

I’m the Friend Who Flakes Out Sometimes—Thanks for Loving Me Anyway

In: Friendship, Living
Group of women on beach, color photo

I recently read a quote that said, “Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.” It resonated. Not because I don’t love my friends. I do. Fiercely. Wholeheartedly. But, I’m that friend. You know the one . . . the last commit, the first to leave. The one who chooses option C when everyone else chooses options A or B. The one who doesn’t initiate the plans. And struggles to show up to the ones that are made even though they are with the people closest to my heart. The one who politely declines opportunities for reasons that are sometimes driven solely...

Keep Reading

Here’s to the Friends Who Don’t Hide Their Messy Parts

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Two women sit in a field with arms around each other

To the friend who invited me over without picking her house up beforehand . . . thank you.  You had no way of knowing, but I’ve been especially weighed down by the feeling of “I can’t keep up” lately—and when I walked into your beautiful home and saw dishes in the sink and laundry scattered here and there, I let out the deepest exhale I didn’t even realize I was holding in.  Because seeing your mess? Your less-than-perfect? It didn’t make me think any differently of you, but it did allow me to give myself the grace I desperately needed....

Keep Reading

I Didn’t Know How Much I Needed Other Mothers

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Two mom friends smiling at each other

I read somewhere the other day that when a child is born, a parent is too. In my first few months being a mother, I’m learning just how odd that sentiment is. In an instant, I became someone new. Not only that, but I became part of a group I didn’t realize existed. That sounds wrong. Of course, mothers existed. But this community of mothers? I had no idea. It took us a long time to get where we are today. Throughout our journey with infertility, I knew in my heart I was meant to be a mother. I knew that...

Keep Reading

Please Don’t Tell a Couple Trying to Conceive to Just Relax

In: Friendship, Living, Motherhood
Black-and-white photo of medical supplies

This is a plea. A plea to those who know someone who is struggling with infertility. So, if you’re reading this, this is directed right to you. Please, for the love of everything, when someone tells you they are struggling to conceive, do not tell them to “just relax.” I know it’s the cliche, default term most blurt out because they don’t know what else to say. It’s awkward to discuss for some. I’m 10000% positive it is coming from a good place and is meant to be calming and reassuring, and you really do believe it’s true because a...

Keep Reading

That Mom at the Playground Could Become Your Best Friend

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Young mother sitting on bench looking at playground

I didn’t realize I was that mom at the playground. That mom who always smiles at the other moms even if she doesn’t know them. That mom who often makes small talk while she pushes her toddler on the swings. That mom who strikes up a conversation while sitting on the bench watching her older kid play. That mom who can often tell whether you are interested in talking to her or not. And if you don’t seem interested, that’s okay. Because maybe you’re preoccupied with other things going on in your life right now. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with the...

Keep Reading

Mean Girls Aren’t Like the Ones You See In Movies

In: Friendship
Woman whispering in another woman's ear

Mean girls aren’t like Regina George. If they were, it would be easy to know to stay away from them. Not all mean girls are wealthy, image-conscious, stick-thin blondes. They also don’t always have the reputation of being “mean girls.” The problem is that mean girls are way worse than Regina George because they don’t look like mean girls. Mean girls can be your “friends.” Mean girls know how to gain and betray your trust. They are the girls who, on a rough day, ask you what’s going on not because they care about you, but so they can have...

Keep Reading

To the Mom in the Trenches, I’ll Come Back for You

In: Friendship, Motherhood
Mother sitting on bed holding one twin while the other crawls nearby, black-and-white photo

Your hair is in a messy bun for the sixth day in a row. You’re trudging to work sniffling because with all the germs your kids bring home from daycare, you just can’t seem to recover. You haven’t had a date night in four months, or has it been five? You stare blankly across the table at your spouse, his lips are moving but your brain can’t quite compute what he’s saying because the baby was up at least 10 times last night. You are just so tired. On top of this, we add in holidays. A time of year...

Keep Reading