Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

My 3-year-old daughter and I took a morning stroll around our neighborhood while my husband and 7-year-old daughter took the dog for a long hike. It’s become part of our daily routine to keep things somewhat structured during this uncertain time.

As my little fairy (literally wearing a fairy dress) and I began our walk, she held my hand and smiled as the sun enveloped us.

“What should we talk about?” I asked her.

My sweet daughter looked up at me with her deep round eyes and said, “You know mommy, sometimes we have to cry,” in a matter-of-fact manner.

I told her she was right and laughed to myself at how random her thought was. We continued walking and while she picked flowers sniffing them all, it hit me how actually spot on her sentiment was, especially during this time. The days leading up to this moment have had many ups and downs as we ride this rollercoaster not knowing when it will end.

“Why do you think that sometimes we have to cry?” I asked her.

“Because Mommy. It is inside our bodies and we have to let it out,” she answered while handing me a flower.

RELATED: If Today Was Rough, It’s OK To Cry

The day continued and as quickly as I was mesmerized by her truth, I easily snapped back into the seat of the rollercoaster. Moments are fleeting and these days I struggle to stay in the present. I’m worried about the future and missing the past. The rest of the day, everything my husband did or said irritated me. I swear my girls weren’t listening to anything I needed them to do. Everyone and everything has been ticking me off.

Sitting on my bed after the kids are asleep, I feel my shoulders shrugging up to my ears.

The tightness of my muscles screams that something is up. I scheme about how I will fix whatever is going on for me, while also trying to figure out the puzzle as to why I feel off and unsettled. As I dance around the truth that I feel real sadness, I come up with all sorts of crazy solutions. I’m going to lose 10 pounds, then I won’t feel this sadness. I’m going to cut my bangs, maybe dye my hair pink and revamp my style to distract me from this feeling of powerlessness. I’m going to train to run a marathon so that I have endorphins and a goal in mind to keep me focused on something else.

Then, in the middle of my quick fix list, my gut calmly says, How about you don’t do anything and you allow yourself to feel it? Maybe sometimes you have to cry, remember?

RELATED: In Times Like These, It’s OK To Cry

My sleeping angel’s fact about being human hits me like a ton of bricks, as the lessons from my children always do.

She’s right. Sometimes I just have to cry.

It is a natural instinct to cry. So, why do I avoid, deny, and run away from this part of my humanness?

I think about the reasons my children cry and how I accept their tears with open arms. Maybe I need to do the same for myself. My protective shell begins to crack and as it opens up, I allow the tears to come.

As they do, I think of all the reasons why, as my daughter said, “Sometimes we have to cry.”

Sometimes we have to cry because emotions can become too overwhelming that they need to be released.

Sometimes we have to cry because holding it tight inside hurts us more.

Sometimes we have to cry because life is unfair and hard at times.

Sometimes we have to cry so that we can move forward and no longer remain stuck.

Sometimes we have to cry so that we can find clarity in our truth.

Sometimes we have to cry because in the process of letting go, we lift our spirits.

Sometimes we just have to cry, and during this time, it’s absolutely OK to let the tears flow. I don’t need to let them take over, but I do need to embrace the emotions that sit inside so that I can be present and see the beauty during this time, too.

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Michaela Massoletti

Michaela Massoletti is a mother, a wife, and a woman in recovery since 2008. She has worked in the field of drug and alcohol treatment for 7 years. After taking time off work to be a stay at home mom to her two daughters, Michaela began writing again. She believes that speaking her truth might empower others to find their voices.

Why Is It So Hard To Admit Our Own Postpartum Struggles?

In: Baby, Motherhood
Mother holding newborn close up

I recently attended physical therapy in an attempt to put my parts back together after having my second child. My physical therapist was also a young mom so we began talking about the various stages our children have passed through. At one point, she asked me if I had experienced any postpartum depression or anxiety. Without hesitation, I said no and then quickly backtracked and said, “Well, some difficult thoughts so yeah, I guess that would be postpartum anxiety.” After fumbling through my explanation, I immediately felt slightly ashamed for dismissing the notion so quickly and also a sudden urge...

Keep Reading

There’s No Such Thing As a Good or Bad Body

In: Living, Motherhood
Little girl sticking her tongue out with her brother and parents, color photo

Maybe it was the ’80s or just my situation, but growing up, I noticed a lot of body talk among adults. Mostly by the women, but sometimes by the men.  My gorgeous grandma always dressed up and was always on a diet. I remember a babysitter who was supermodel gorgeous not eating this or that because she didn’t want to get “fat.” Once, during my freshman year of college, my grandpa commented that I “had gained some weight.” As an adult, a compliment I often heard if my weight fluctuated slightly was, “You look great, you’re so thin.”  Or the...

Keep Reading

There’s So Much I Didn’t Know About Having a Daughter

In: Motherhood
Mother and daughter hug

I started my motherhood journey as a boy mom. I knew the names of all the construction trucks, I could build a LEGO set in record time, and nothing said about a penis could ever shock me. I could play in the dirt, tie on a Superman cape, and have a lightsaber fight all before naptime. But when I was expecting again, I saw that sweet little face on the ultrasound, and I knew—even before the ultrasound tech made the announcement—that my days as solely a boy mom were about to come to an end. I was so excited to...

Keep Reading

Exclusively Pumping Makes You One Strong Mother

In: Motherhood
Breast pump with bottles, black-and-white photo

Dear exclusively pumping mama,  Oh, how I see you, sweet mama. (I’ve been you—twice now, as a matter of fact.)  I see you frustrated with your body and feeling like it’s failed you because you’re not able to nurse your baby. Maybe your baby is in the NICU and you feel robbed of this experience. Or maybe, due to other circumstances, you haven’t been able to make it work.  RELATED: I Exclusively Pumped for a Year—And My Baby and I Thrived I see you tirelessly getting up before the baby does in the middle of the night so you can...

Keep Reading

Yes, We Wanted a Big Family

In: Kids, Motherhood
Big family silhouette

Baby number WHAT?!?! Okay, okay, I know having FIVE children in the modern world is a bit of an anomaly, but the responses we have gotten from sharing our joyful (to us!) news has been a bit over-the-top. You see, my husband and I always dreamt of a big family, verbally expressing four to five children as our ultimate number. After having three, I must say I had to do some convincing to keep going, as my husband felt our hands were pretty full. I do agree our hands were pretty full, but I still felt our hearts could handle...

Keep Reading

How Much Longer Will I Watch Them Play?

In: Kids, Motherhood, Tween
Two boys at indoor playground, color photo

As I sit here watching my two boys running around on the bright-colored foam mats, sliding down the bright red and green slides that end up in a ball pit full of giggles, I can’t help but wonder how much longer I will enjoy this sight. They’re both growing up so fast—T-shirts with their favorite characters have been replaced by plain colors.  Curtains with Paw Patrol now invite an “Eww, cringe!” reaction. Slowly their boy bedroom decor has been updated to reflect the cool gamers they so want to be. RELATED: He’s a Boy For Just a Little While Longer No...

Keep Reading

The Quiet Work You’re Doing Matters, Mama

In: Faith, Motherhood
Mother and two girls playing on bed

Mid-morning light spills through the kitchen window as I stand at the sink washing dishes.  “Mom, Caleb just punched me!” 3-year-old Aiden calls from the living room. “He took the remote right out of my hands!” Caleb contends. “I saw the whole thing happen,” their big sister interjects. “It was totally Caleb’s fault.  He started the whole thing.” “Mind your own business!” Caleb barks as he charges toward his sister with his fist in the air. It takes every ounce of restraint I can muster, but I manage not to get sucked into the yelling match happening in front of...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Belong In the Baby Section Anymore

In: Motherhood

I don’t belong here anymore. The thought crept into my mind today as I stood in the baby section. I was there to grab a gift for an expecting friend, but as I looked around at the old familiar shelves, I was hit with a wave of emotion.  Because it’s true—I don’t belong here anymore. There was a time when this aisle was my most frequented on trips to Target. As a pregnant twentysomething with a growing belly, I would hold up outfit after outfit and wonder what our baby would look like. Who would he or she be? As...

Keep Reading

To the Parents Raising My Child’s Future Spouse

In: Faith, Motherhood
Little boy lying on car seat with puppy, color photo

Oh, hey there friend, you don’t know me yet or maybe you do, but at least for now neither of us know that our children will one day commit their lives to each other and by doing so forever knit our families together. One day, we will all sit in the front aisles of a church filled with scores of people who have influenced our babies, but none like us. No one else in that church will know the intentionality, love, and grace of God that it took to reach that day, but we will. The work you are doing...

Keep Reading

Loving Mom (Thanks, Amazon)

In: Grief, Living, Motherhood
Woman and mother smiling, color photo

I was online, searching old Amazon orders for a part we’d bought for our 1998 Buick Regal. The car was Mom’s. She’d given it up at 86 after I said her grandsons would be grateful to use it. She’d laughed with delight as Gabe, newly licensed, pulled away from her place in her Buick, heading home to California. It was a good car, but the original parts were wearing out. That’s why I scrolled through my orders, to see which window pulley assembly we’d purchased last time. As I scrolled, I was struck by all the gifts I’d ordered for...

Keep Reading