Yes, I said it. That thing you aren’t supposed to say out loud, let alone think. Baby makes three and three’s a crowd all at the same time.

My hubby went from doting partner and date night companion to middle-of-the-night snuggler and early morning lullaby singer.

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It is an intense shift.

It feels like someone dropped a grenade in the middle of my marriage.

Granted, it is a super cute grenade.

In a blink, the marriage I once knew blew up, overnight.

Moonlight and roses aren’t even on my radar anymore. Help with the overwhelming piles of laundry is my idea of romance. My husband has never looked hotter than when he’s changing a dirty diaper. So weird, right? How did this happen?

How did the man I love become my last priority?

Our connection used to be my first thought when I woke up and my last thought before I drifted off to sleep. I loved coming up with fun date night ideas. A spontaneous night out was our favorite way to spend time together.

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Now, we have to make a master plan to get a single night together. The babysitter. The reservations. The time it will take for me to scrub off the spit up and applesauce from lunch. There is nothing sexy about it.

I’m not proud to say it, but he’s last on my list these days. That’s not true. I’m last on the list, so there’s that.

When I write up my grocery list, I don’t think about fun, new recipes we could try together. I think about what my kids will eat without a fight.

When I make plans for the weekend, I don’t think about the interesting places we could explore as a couple. I think about the play places and parks my kids will love.

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When I sit down on our couch after a long day, I don’t think about cuddling up with my man. I think about the few precious moments I’ll have without someone touching me or saying mommy over and over again.

But here’s the thing, I don’t want it to be this way for us.

We made our crazy little crew together, we’re raising them together, and we’ll be here together after they move out.

I want to find a way to connect, and that’s my goal for this year. Even if it means we’ll be chatting over a box of cold fast food the kids didn’t finish. At least we’ll be doing it together. And, I’m going to do my best to bump both of us up on that priority list. We deserve it.

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Angelica Kajiwara

Angelica Kajiwara is a travel journalist, wife, mom. and daughter living in Northern Virginia. After years in corporate marketing, she decided to apply her passion to the people and places she loves the most.