Can we talk about marriage for a minute? Anyone who tells you marriage is easy ALL the -time is a liar!
Please Note: I am not a marriage counselor or expert, these are just my opinions after 6 years of experience.
Love is crazy but can make life so much more interesting and exciting. While you are learning about the ins and outs of your partner you are learning about yourself in the process. Similar to most things in life, it can be compared to a roller-coaster. There are days in marriage that you feel on top of the world. Everything happens exactly as you imagine – you glance over easily seeing the sparkle in their eye and all things that originally attracted you to them.
Then there are other days – days that you wonder if you have anything in common, if you can do anything except push each others buttons, and if it is possible for two individuals to actually live in the same household. These days are the flat stretches after having gone down a thrilling drop and now all you see is a HUGE climb in front of you. With each clank of the track, you feel like you will lose hold and fall backwards.
A major career change happened for me recently and I found myself pulling the arm of my husband to go on that thrilling ride with the short line, the one that everyone else feared. Not stopping to allow any fear to sink in, the adrenaline from the previous ride carried me. I got buckled in the seat and was ready for an adventure all while he was scared and didn’t know how to show it. It wasn’t until part way through that I stopped my screaming to look over and see that he was white knuckled.
My reaction at first was anger and disappointment. Did he not trust that this ride would be a great one? He had gotten in line with me and said he was on board – what changed? Maybe there were a few surprises early that we weren’t expecting, but doesn’t he see those amazing loops coming up that will be awesome? In all of my excitement, I had forgotten to reach over to grab his hand. I forgot to make sure he was ready and as excited about the ride as I was.
The important part to remember, especially on the tough days, is that it is not about just you. It is about the “us.” As hard as it may seem at times, put your partner first and show them genuine kindness. Fear and the unknown are what have caused the tough times in my marriage. But, I am learning to sit by and hold the hand of the passenger next to me in the car as we climb up each scary hill. Once we make it to the summit safely and are at the point of a thrilling drop, then we can throw our hands up and enjoy the adventure!
An alternative ride to choose in the theme park of life would be the lazy river – flat and relaxing, but lacking excitement, growth and adventure. While it may sound exciting to have the same routine and do the same things day in and day out, after a period of time that routine becomes boring.
Life happens during the ups and downs. Being able to reach over and grab the hand of your partner is much more exciting than riding the lazy river or going it alone on the roller-coaster! Fasten your seat belts and get ready for a ride!