My sweet child, when I found out I was pregnant with you, I knew life would change dramatically. I knew pregnancy would be tough, labor painful, and motherhood exhausting. I knew I would love my little human a lot and that he would bring boundless joy into our lives. But one thing I never knew was simply how much I never knew.

I never knew someone could need sautéed asparagus until that middle of the night craving.

I never knew one month could last for an eternity until I was 36-weeks pregnant.

I never knew I would miss being kicked in the ribs and awoken in the middle of the night to baby wiggles until you were no longer in my belly.

I never knew I was strong enough to endure labor until you put me through 43 hours of it.

I never knew I could miss someone I’d only met that day until they took you away while I was in recovery.

I never knew the deep sense of privilege and responsibility that comes from someone trusting me entirely for everything until they placed your helpless body in my arms.

I never knew the darkness of postpartum depression until we were fighting against it.

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I never knew how unprepared I was until my perfect parenting strategy plan failed in the first week.

I never knew how expensive diapers were until you went through a million and a half of them in a single day.

I never knew how many clothes we had until I no longer had the time to do laundry and I saw the huge mound of dirty clothes.

I never knew how many Google images there are of poop until I found myself searching “Is this normal newborn poop color?”

I never knew I could be so immensely proud of a person just for rolling over until I was cheering you on. 

I never knew I could run on so little sleep until you tested me during the long nights of teething or sickness.

I never knew how a baby’s laugh could cheer the darkest day until your belly laugh filled our house.

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I never knew how dirty my floors were until you started crawling and tried to eat every tiny speck of dust you found.

I never knew how a mama’s heart explodes when their baby learns to give kisses until you soaked my cheeks with them.

I never knew how bittersweet it would be to watch you take your first step until my heart both soared with pride and twisted with sorrow that you were no longer a baby.

I never knew how many lines we could make up for “Wheels on the Bus” until it became your favorite song.

I never knew how terrifying it was to have something medically wrong with my child until I was sobbing in the surgery waiting room.

I never knew how fast time goes by until I was celebrating your first birthday.

I never knew that footsteps could be my favorite sound until I heard your clumsy toddler trot running down the hall.

I never knew how precious post-nap cuddles were until your fuzzy head was nestled against my neck.

I never knew how hilarious a person blowing their nose was until your uncontainable laugh filled the sanctuary every time you heard a nose blown in church.

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I never knew how fast a 2-foot-tall person could run until you found something you weren’t supposed to have.

I never knew the simplicity of forgiveness until you gave me a hug after I lost my patience with you.

I never knew how much I could learn from such a tiny person.

I never knew how completely someone could take over my heart. I never knew that a child could forever become a piece of me. I never knew how much brighter my life would be.

I never knew . . . until I knew you.

Brianna Forsman

Brianna is a pastor's wife and stay-at-home mom to a rambunctious bundle of toddler energy. As a former preschool teacher, she is a Pixar enthusiast, eats way too many Goldfish crackers, and prefers socks with characters on them (generally mismatched because who really has time to pair socks?). She has loved writing for as long as she can remember, and she always strives to write authentic, humorous, and encouraging pieces that warm the heart or tickle the funny bone.