My sweet child, when I found out I was pregnant with you, I knew life would change dramatically. I knew pregnancy would be tough, labor painful, and motherhood exhausting. I knew I would love my little human a lot and that he would bring boundless joy into our lives. But one thing I never knew was simply how much I never knew.
I never knew someone could need sautéed asparagus until that middle of the night craving.
I never knew one month could last for an eternity until I was 36-weeks pregnant.
I never knew I would miss being kicked in the ribs and awoken in the middle of the night to baby wiggles until you were no longer in my belly.
I never knew I was strong enough to endure labor until you put me through 43 hours of it.
I never knew I could miss someone I’d only met that day until they took you away while I was in recovery.
I never knew the deep sense of privilege and responsibility that comes from someone trusting me entirely for everything until they placed your helpless body in my arms.
I never knew the darkness of postpartum depression until we were fighting against it.
I never knew how unprepared I was until my perfect parenting strategy plan failed in the first week.
I never knew how expensive diapers were until you went through a million and a half of them in a single day.
I never knew how many clothes we had until I no longer had the time to do laundry and I saw the huge mound of dirty clothes.
I never knew how many Google images there are of poop until I found myself searching “Is this normal newborn poop color?”
I never knew I could be so immensely proud of a person just for rolling over until I was cheering you on.
I never knew I could run on so little sleep until you tested me during the long nights of teething or sickness.
I never knew how a baby’s laugh could cheer the darkest day until your belly laugh filled our house.
I never knew how dirty my floors were until you started crawling and tried to eat every tiny speck of dust you found.
I never knew how a mama’s heart explodes when their baby learns to give kisses until you soaked my cheeks with them.
I never knew how bittersweet it would be to watch you take your first step until my heart both soared with pride and twisted with sorrow that you were no longer a baby.
I never knew how many lines we could make up for “Wheels on the Bus” until it became your favorite song.
I never knew how terrifying it was to have something medically wrong with my child until I was sobbing in the surgery waiting room.
I never knew how fast time goes by until I was celebrating your first birthday.
I never knew that footsteps could be my favorite sound until I heard your clumsy toddler trot running down the hall.
I never knew how precious post-nap cuddles were until your fuzzy head was nestled against my neck.
I never knew how hilarious a person blowing their nose was until your uncontainable laugh filled the sanctuary every time you heard a nose blown in church.
I never knew how fast a 2-foot-tall person could run until you found something you weren’t supposed to have.
I never knew the simplicity of forgiveness until you gave me a hug after I lost my patience with you.
I never knew how much I could learn from such a tiny person.
I never knew how completely someone could take over my heart. I never knew that a child could forever become a piece of me. I never knew how much brighter my life would be.
I never knew . . . until I knew you.