So God Made a Teacher Collection (Sale!) ➔

As long as I have been a mother I have also had some sort of part time job. A few hours a week I have been able to teach lessons here and there which have brought in extra income and given me a professional outlet. It’s been a healthy balance and I am grateful for those experiences.

But now?

Now is a different story. Right now life is chaotic and committing to specific days and times is not an option so for now, I am just a mom.

There’s this tug in the back of my mind though, this drive to be something more than “just mom.” Getting paid actual real-life dollars helps validate my contribution to the world and reduces my anxiety when signing the bill after a haircut and highlight.

This week I had a meeting scheduled to discuss the possibility of teaching again, but those plans unraveled as quickly as my morning. Getting my nine-year-old out the door to school usually requires some sort of divine intervention but since the heavens do not typically part and shine upon us, I am left to mere mortal mothering. I should have known better than to schedule anything important on a stupid Monday.

After eventually getting her to school with her “forgotten” homework in tow and the wrath of the third grade English teacher subsided, at least for now, I sat on the floor paralyzed. My dead-pan gaze into oblivion was fortunately interrupted by the ring-a-ding-ding-ding of the iPad.

My husband, half a world away, called on FaceTime. All I could do was look at him. He asked if I wanted to talk about what was bothering me and I shook my head. He began to talk about his day and that is when the muscles of my face began to pull the corners of my lips into a legitimate frown and salty tears began to pool in their ducts.

He asked if I needed to cry. I did. So I did.

The stress of a chaotic weekend and feelings of consecutive “mom fails” oozed out of my eyes and tumbled down my face.

“I can’t do this,” I mumbled.

“Why don’t you call the babysitter so you can get a break,” he suggested.

“No. It’s not that. It’s the worry.”

Is my son too shy? Shy enough to need professional intervention to ease his anxiety? When will my relationship with my daughter be at peace? Why is my preschooler’s nose running? Still?

A day out on my own would certainly help, but what I mean by, “I can’t do this,” is, “The weight of motherhood is leaning so heavily on me and I don’t have the strength to carry it.” It’s the constant worry I signed up for when I carried each baby home from the hospital.

After gaining composure, a new stripe on my badge of motherhood, one more wrinkle and three new gray hairs, it occurred to me, I am doing enough. Being a mother is enough.

Planning healthy-ish meals for dinner, anticipating anxiety attacks when homework is not finished as we walk out the door, getting pee soaked sheets through the sanitary wash cycle and back on the bed before noon, canceling plans for a potential job to take someone to the doctor, being there at after school pick-up, wiping tears and applying Band-Aids to freshly skinned knees, all of that. All of that is enough.

I do my best to volunteer in the community and practice my professional skills, but I am not tied down to an employer. My mini bosses are my children and I am here to care, teach and love. It won’t be like this forever. My time will eventually return to me and I may or may not look back on this time as the “best years of my life.” Keeping my head above water in the throes of the motherhood is what I do and for now, that is enough.

Photo credit: InspirationDC via Visual Hunt / CC BY-NC-ND

Amy Rondeau

Amy Rondeau grew up in southern California writing stories and talking too much. She strapped pointe shoes to her feet for five Nutcrackers and applied 3,742 eyelashes for various musical theatre performances. She currently uses her words at Herstory, Facebook and Storia as well as posting YouTube videos for her eleven adoring subscribers. She has moved around the globe with her military husband seven times in nine years and three people call her mom. Her greatest achievements in life include asking her doctor for selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, roller-skating and shopping for groceries online. Find her website here: https://www.facebook.com/Herstory-940052212708523/?fref=ts

As Another School Year Begins, Remember Mama: You Know Your Child Best

In: Kids, Motherhood
little girl holding a first day of kindergarten sign

Dear mom buying school supplies and feeling overwhelmed, Stop and pray. Ask God to help you envision each child as the young adult they can be. Write out your goals for that child . . . fair warning, there will likely be very little academic success in your goals. You may even have to go back and write those in. Take a deep breath. Keep this list of goals nearby. Go back and read them when the world is telling you your child doesn’t stack up somewhere. They aren’t reading as fast, they’re not “getting” math, their handwriting is wonky,...

Keep Reading

Every Time the Doctor Says, “It’s a Girl!” My Heart Grows a Little More

In: Kids, Motherhood
Sisters sitting on park bench

When I’m in the grocery store with my girls, I always get comments. My oldest girls are walking near the cart with my two-year-old running up and down the aisles. “Three little girls! Wow! God bless you, Momma!” Then they look in my cart and see the car seat holding my nine-month-old. “Is that a baby boy in there?” “No, another girl!” I reply. I get a variety of responses when people realize I have four girls under the age of seven. “Wow, you’ve got your hands full!” “Going to try for a boy?” “You are truly blessed—your girls are...

Keep Reading

Raising a Child with a Severe Food Allergy Affects the Whole Family

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy looking at ice cream cone

I saw something recently that said, “It’s National Ice Cream Day today!” and I cannot stop thinking about it. Now I know that sounds silly, but as a mom of a child with a severe dairy (and egg) allergy, I must admit at times it makes me sad (and more often jealous if I’m being completely honest) when I know my son is going to miss out on another fun or “normal” thing that other kids his age are experiencing, like actual ice cream and ice cream parties. If I continue to be honest, I get jealous when I see...

Keep Reading

So You’re Not the Fun Parent…So What?

In: Kids, Marriage, Motherhood
Woman reading book while two play in background

I’m not the fun parent in our household. Of course, this comes as no surprise to me but it still stung when my 8-year-old said to me rather bluntly the other night, “Daddy’s way more fun than you.” And while the rational part of my brain knows better than to take this kind of comment to heart, my super-sensitive, highly emotional primitive brain did the exact opposite and ran with it.  Daddy is the more fun parent. I’m the stricter, more rigid, and more uptight parent. I’m not the type of parent who, in the spur of the moment, will...

Keep Reading

Mine Is the Shy Kid

In: Kids
Girl sitting on side of playground

I’m the mom of one really shy child. But not your quintessential shy kid. I don’t mean she is “slow to warm up,” because my daughter might not warm up at all. And I don’t mean that she’s only shy until she gets to know you. There are friends and family members she still hides from or won’t talk to. What I mean is my almost-4-year-old struggles so much with her shyness that it’s hard for her to interact with most people. Especially her peers. I’ve Googled more than you could ever imagine about this topic: How shy is too...

Keep Reading

In This Magical Place Called Kindergarten

In: Kids
Kids at elementary school circle time

It’s hard to put into words what happens in a classroom in the course of a year. Especially a kindergarten classroom. For many children, this is their first experience away from home, from their place of comfort and security—the place where they can always be themselves. But teachers are a special breed—especially teachers of littles. And they step into this substitute role with the biggest hearts and the most love to give. They take this unknown, intimidating place and then transform it into a magical, wondrous adventure. A classroom, a community, a family. A place where these little people can...

Keep Reading

Summer Goes by Too Fast

In: Kids
Boy lying on bench at park, color photo

To my oldest, As our summer vacation nears an end and we begin school supply shopping, I think about all the things we didn’t get to do together this summer. I instantly feel mom guilt. All the plans I had made? Only half of them done—if that. RELATED: Remember When Summer Lasted Forever? All the books I was going to read to you at bedtime? Only a couple short ones. All the creative art we would do? Maybe just one time. The fact is, I let time slip away from me. I was too focused and anxiety-ridden about work, my...

Keep Reading

Going on Family Vacation with Young Kids is Work That’s Worth It

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mom with two young kids on airplane

Our routine will be a mess. Our toddler won’t sleep in a new environment. Our baby needs all of the gear. The flight could be a disaster. I went through a mental checklist of reasons why this kind of family vacation would be hard. It was a pretty convincing list if I’m being honest. I considered throwing a pity party dedicated to the concerns I shoulder as a mother. A few days later I felt a wave of conviction wash over me. I was dreading a trip that was meant to be a blessing to our family. Any kind of...

Keep Reading

I Want To Raise Good Sisters

In: Kids, Motherhood
Four girls sitting on a rock in the forest, color photo

My current dilemma: how to teach four little girls how to be good sisters when I have no idea what I’m doing? I was an only child growing up, and a tomboy at that. It was a lonely, quiet childhood. I remember wishing for a sister, but knowing that with my single mom, it wasn’t going to happen. So, the sister thing is a big mystery to me. I’ve noticed (admittedly with some envy) adult sisters together and their inside jokes, shared history, and language known only to each other. I’ve read about sisters in books. The relationships between the four...

Keep Reading

I Don’t Just Love You, I Like You

In: Kids, Motherhood
Young boy standing at bridge, color photo

My growing child, my heart often aches when I look at how big you have gotten. You aren’t a baby anymore, you’re a whole kid. You are your own person, with your own thoughts and feelings. You have your own friendships, and interests.  Parts of me realize you don’t need me the same, but deep down I know you need me all the same. And I’m realizing, that in all of these changes, my love for you is also a like.  RELATED: Being Your Mom is the Greatest Honor of My Life Because now we can connect in a whole...

Keep Reading

Get our FREE phone wallpaper to encourage you as the new school year begins

It's bittersweet for a mother to watch her child grow—but you both are ready to soar.