Free shipping on all orders over $75🎄

As long as I have been a mother I have also had some sort of part time job. A few hours a week I have been able to teach lessons here and there which have brought in extra income and given me a professional outlet. It’s been a healthy balance and I am grateful for those experiences.

But now?

Now is a different story. Right now life is chaotic and committing to specific days and times is not an option so for now, I am just a mom.

There’s this tug in the back of my mind though, this drive to be something more than “just mom.” Getting paid actual real-life dollars helps validate my contribution to the world and reduces my anxiety when signing the bill after a haircut and highlight.

This week I had a meeting scheduled to discuss the possibility of teaching again, but those plans unraveled as quickly as my morning. Getting my nine-year-old out the door to school usually requires some sort of divine intervention but since the heavens do not typically part and shine upon us, I am left to mere mortal mothering. I should have known better than to schedule anything important on a stupid Monday.

After eventually getting her to school with her “forgotten” homework in tow and the wrath of the third grade English teacher subsided, at least for now, I sat on the floor paralyzed. My dead-pan gaze into oblivion was fortunately interrupted by the ring-a-ding-ding-ding of the iPad.

My husband, half a world away, called on FaceTime. All I could do was look at him. He asked if I wanted to talk about what was bothering me and I shook my head. He began to talk about his day and that is when the muscles of my face began to pull the corners of my lips into a legitimate frown and salty tears began to pool in their ducts.

He asked if I needed to cry. I did. So I did.

The stress of a chaotic weekend and feelings of consecutive “mom fails” oozed out of my eyes and tumbled down my face.

“I can’t do this,” I mumbled.

“Why don’t you call the babysitter so you can get a break,” he suggested.

“No. It’s not that. It’s the worry.”

Is my son too shy? Shy enough to need professional intervention to ease his anxiety? When will my relationship with my daughter be at peace? Why is my preschooler’s nose running? Still?

A day out on my own would certainly help, but what I mean by, “I can’t do this,” is, “The weight of motherhood is leaning so heavily on me and I don’t have the strength to carry it.” It’s the constant worry I signed up for when I carried each baby home from the hospital.

After gaining composure, a new stripe on my badge of motherhood, one more wrinkle and three new gray hairs, it occurred to me, I am doing enough. Being a mother is enough.

Planning healthy-ish meals for dinner, anticipating anxiety attacks when homework is not finished as we walk out the door, getting pee soaked sheets through the sanitary wash cycle and back on the bed before noon, canceling plans for a potential job to take someone to the doctor, being there at after school pick-up, wiping tears and applying Band-Aids to freshly skinned knees, all of that. All of that is enough.

I do my best to volunteer in the community and practice my professional skills, but I am not tied down to an employer. My mini bosses are my children and I am here to care, teach and love. It won’t be like this forever. My time will eventually return to me and I may or may not look back on this time as the “best years of my life.” Keeping my head above water in the throes of the motherhood is what I do and for now, that is enough.

Photo credit: InspirationDC via Visual Hunt / CC BY-NC-ND

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available now!

Order Now

Amy Rondeau

Amy Rondeau grew up in southern California writing stories and talking too much. She strapped pointe shoes to her feet for five Nutcrackers and applied 3,742 eyelashes for various musical theatre performances. She currently uses her words at Herstory, Facebook and Storia as well as posting YouTube videos for her eleven adoring subscribers. She has moved around the globe with her military husband seven times in nine years and three people call her mom. Her greatest achievements in life include asking her doctor for selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, roller-skating and shopping for groceries online. Find her website here:

Brothers Fight Hard and Love Harder

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two boys play outside, one lifting the other on his back

The last few years have been a whirlwind. My head has sometimes been left spinning; we have moved continents with three boys, three and under at the time. Set up home and remained sufficiently organized despite the complete chaos to ensure everyone was where they were meant to be on most days. Living in a primarily hockey town, the winters are filled with coffee catch-ups at the arena, so it was no surprise when my youngest declared his intention to play hockey like his school friends. Fully aware that he had never held a hockey stick or slapped a puck,...

Keep Reading

Stop Putting an Expiration Date on Making Memories

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and son in small train ride

We get 12 times to play Santa (if we’re lucky). This phrase stopped my scroll on a Sunday evening. I had an idea of the direction this post was going but I continued on reading. 12 spring breaks 12 easter baskets 20 tooth fairy visits 13 first days of school 1 first date 1-2 proms 1-2 times of seeing them in their graduation cap and gown 18 summers under the same roof And so on and so on. It was essentially another post listing the number of all the monumental moments that we, Lord willing, will get to experience with our...

Keep Reading

When Your Kids Ask, “Where Is God?”

In: Faith, Kids
Child looking at sunset

How do I know if the voice I’m hearing is God’s voice? When I was in high school, I found myself asking this question. My dad was a pastor, and I was feeling called to ministry. I didn’t know if I was just hearing my dad’s wish or the call of God. I was worried I was confusing the two. It turns out, I did know. I knew because I was raised to recognize the presence of God all around me. Once I knew what God’s presence felt like, I also knew what God’s voice sounded like. There is a...

Keep Reading

Go Easy On the Parents Who Refuse to Skip Naps

In: Kids, Motherhood
Two little boys and their sister walking down a gravel road, color photo

Greetings from a mom who is done with napping children. It’s great to have the flexibility during the day for longer activities, meeting friends for playdates, or day trips to faraway places. It’s a new life . . . the life without naps. The freedom to make plans and keep them. But not that long ago, I was something very different than the flexible, plan-keeping, up-for-it woman I am today. I used to be the mom who refused to skip my child’s nap. Yep, that one. Here’s the thing, for a lot of parents, It’s so much more than just a...

Keep Reading

My Heart Isn’t Ready for You to Stop Believing in Santa

In: Kids, Motherhood
Little boy standing in front of lit christmas tree

“My friend doesn’t believe in Santa anymore, Mom,” my son said out of the blue the other day. We were driving in the car, and when I met his gaze in the rear-view mirror his eyes searched mine. Immediately, my heart sank.  This sweet boy, he’s our first. Thoughtful and smart and eight years old. A quick Google search tells me that’s the average age kids stop believing in Santa, but as his mom, I’m not ready for that—not even a little bit.  I can still hear his barely 2-year-old voice going on about reindeer as we lay together on...

Keep Reading

Motherhood is a Million Little Letting Gos and Fresh Hellos

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother sitting with child on her lap by the setting sun and water

I missed my grocery-shopping buddy the other day. Mondays are usually the days my littlest and I knock out our grocery list. In the past, we’ve dropped the kids at school and then headed to the store. I grab a latte, and she chooses a hot chocolate. But that day, they were all in school. That day, she sat in her kindergarten class, and I went to the grocery store. Alone. A new rhythm. A changed routine. A different season. I listened to a podcast on the drive. My podcast. Then I grabbed a drink. Just one. I got the...

Keep Reading

Dear Kids, This Is My Wish for You

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother hugs three kids

To my kids, The world you’re stepping into is unlike anything I experienced at your age. It’s fast-paced, interconnected, and sometimes overwhelming. But within this chaos lie countless opportunities for growth and joy. My wish for you is that you find the perfect balance between embracing the modern world and staying true to yourselves. Change is one thing you can always count on. Embrace it because it’s often the motivation for growth. Embracing change doesn’t mean letting go of who you are; rather, it’s about evolving into the best version of yourself. Remember, you don’t need to have all the...

Keep Reading

Dear Daughter, Stay Wild

In: Kids, Motherhood
Mother and daughter on beach, color photo

I can’t really put my finger on it. Or manage to find all the words. But there’s just something about that girl. Maybe it’s the way her hair sits tangled. Curled up at the end. The way she moves. Dances. As if everyone was watching. Or no one at all. RELATED: There is Wild Beauty in This Spirited Child of Mine It could be the way she smiles. With her heart. The way only she can. The way she cares, loves. For everyone. For herself. You see, she is beautiful in the way only wild things are. The way they...

Keep Reading

You’re Becoming a Big Sister, But You’ll Always Be My Baby

In: Baby, Kids, Motherhood
Pregnant woman with young daughter, color photo

The anticipation of welcoming a new baby into the world is an exciting and joyous time for our family. From the moment we found out we were expecting to just about every day since, the love and excitement only continue to grow. However, amidst all the preparations for the new addition, I cannot help but have mixed emotions as I look back at old videos and pictures of my firstborn, my first princess, my Phoebe—for she will always hold a special place in my heart. As the anticipation grows, my heart swells with a mix of emotions knowing we are...

Keep Reading

Cowgirls Don’t Cry Unless the Horse They Loved Is Gone

In: Grief, Kids, Loss
Little girls Toy Story Jessie costume, color photo

The knee of my pants is wet and dirty. My yellow ring lays by the sink—it’s been my favorite ring for months. I bought it to match Bigfoot’s halter and the sunflowers by his pasture. Bigfoot is my daughter’s pony, and I loved him the most. The afternoon is so sunny. His hooves make the same calming rhythm I’ve come to love as I walk him out back. A strong wind blows through the barn. A stall labeled “Bigfoot,” adorned with a sunflower, hangs open and I feel sick. I kneel down by his side as he munches the grass....

Keep Reading