Pre-Order So God Made a Mother

To my son, you’ll never know I cried today as you walked away.

Today is your 16th birthday.

From the day you were born and even before that, I have loved you and cared for you and been the one to hold you and soothe you when you were little.

And today I just dropped you off at basketball practice for probably the very last time. Tomorrow, you will get your license and gain your freedom to go out into this wonderful world without me, and hopefully make it better as I pray I have raised you to do.

RELATED: Dear Son: I’ve Loved Every Stage With You and I’m Never Ready to Say Goodbye

But you’ll probably never know I cried as you walked away today.

My heart was happy to see the young man you have grown to be. But a part of my heart broke as you walked away because I know I won’t have that time with you anymore. Those few seconds on the road together will be few and far between. I loved our chats as we would drive to and from practice. I loved the way you giggled at me when I sang along with the radio. I smiled inside when you rolled your eyes at me because your music was inappropriate and not meant for your mama’s ears. I loved when we turned the music up and jammed to what I called the “good” songs and you referred to as “oldies.” And that smile, that smile you flashed me when you made a mistake practicing driving, is something I will hold in my heart forever.

But most of all, I am going to miss all of those little, tiny moments where you opened up and talk to me in the car. It was just you and me. No siblings, no life, no homework, no phones going off, no world around us, it was just us. Just us discussing your day, your friends, the good and bad of the world, or simply just a quick, “It was a good day, Mom.” I will forever cherish those moments. They are some of my favorites.

RELATED: He’s Almost a Man But My Son Still Needs Me

So, today I cried as you walked away from my car knowing tomorrow you would get that small bit of freedom you so desperately have been waiting for, and I have unsuccessfully tried to hold onto.

Dear God, please keep him safe and watch over him.

Watch over his siblings and friends who will be riding with him and always bring him home to me.

Son, always know I will be waiting for you to return and praying while you are gone. You are my whole world, and I can’t wait for you to see what this wonderful world has waiting for you. I will always cherish and miss that little boy, strapped into his car seat, eating Teddy Grahams, and singing the songs I once approved of. 

RELATED: My Heart Was Waiting For a Son

So yes, I cried today as you walked away from my car, but I know you are walking into so many wonderful things that I can’t wait for you to experience. Happy birthday my dear child.

(And don’t forget to ask your mom to go for a drive every once in a while. You will make her day!)

Previously published on the author’s blog

So God Made a Mother book by Leslie Means

If you liked this, you'll love our new book, SO GOD MADE A MOTHER available for pre-order now!

Pre-Order Now

Gina Marie Bonifas

I am a wife and mother of four boys. Our world is usually loud and filled with dirt and a bit chaotic, but in every moment we try to find the joy, the beauty, and the memories. This is our story!   https://beginningofabeautifulworld.blogspot.com/

Dear Daughter, It’s Okay If You Hate Me Right Now

In: Kids, Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen girl looking up at mother

Dear daughter: I’ve heard it from you a thousand times when you don’t get your way. You yell it when your force of will doesn’t bend mine, thinking it will convince me to give in. But I’m here to tell you once and for all: I don’t care if you hate me right now. Last night you hated me because I made you take a bath before bed. This morning, it was because I made you wear pants. I’m the worst mom ever because I told you to eat a vegetable, and the whole day is ruined because I won’t...

Keep Reading

To My Son at 12

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Young boy on a baseball diamond, color photo

My son, you are 12 years old. You are a young boy in the last days before you become a young man. You are a boy fully realized, having reached the summit of childhood. You can read fat books, catch fly balls, and ride your bike to your friends’ houses. You still get excited about Pokémon cards and Nintendo games. You still want LEGO sets for your birthday and Christmas even though you enjoy them more for the building and delight of owning them than for the playing.  You still wrestle and sword fight with your little brother. RELATED: My...

Keep Reading

Is TikTok’s Viral “Teen Filter” Harmless Fun or Dangerous Territory?

In: Living, Teen
Teen girls holding smartphones using TikTok

I enjoy trips down memory lane as much as the next person. Looking through old photo albums and scrapbooks (yes, I know I’m dating myself because everything is on our phones nowadays) can soothe our sentimentality and bring precious memories back for us to hold and cherish once again. However, the latest trend on TikTok is filling up my feed and has me feeling a little uncomfortable. I’m sure most of you have seen or heard of it—it’s the teen filter. When the filter is applied, a split screen appears and shows the real version of you on the bottom...

Keep Reading

I Look at My Teen Son and See All of Our Yesterdays

In: Motherhood, Teen
Teen boy looking down

Looking at my 13-year-old in the car today, I saw what’s become the norm lately. Blonde, alpaca-like hair hanging in his face, a few small pimples dotting his nose, a tiny shadow starting to fill in his upper lip. His blue eyes are no longer wide with questions but adamant with the answers he thinks he already knows. His face has started to change as his braces do their work, but the dimple in his left cheek will always leave him looking younger than he is.   I’ve learned the importance of time together in the car even if it’s just...

Keep Reading

Middle School Kids Are Actually Pretty Great

In: Teen, Tween
Group of middle school kids hugging woman, color photo

I taught middle school during COVID . . . sounds scary, I know. Much of the year was online, and the last two months were in person. I can still smell my classroom on those warm April days. The nervous and hopeful energy we all had as we gathered together. The strangeness of seeing real-life faces of students I had viewed daily in little Zoom boxes online. A weird time to be alive. There is much said about the negative impacts of COVID on students. Two years of unknowns, new things, fear, and displacement. These aspects of life obviously stunted...

Keep Reading

Hard Conversations with Our Teens Are Always Worth It

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen looking out window

It’s a typical early morning for me. I am at home doing home stuff, the kids are off to school, and my husband is at work. I’m listening to music while I water the plants and run the vacuum to attack the dog hair. I pass through each bedroom to pull up a comforter, open the blinds, and pick up the abandoned dishes from yesterday’s late-night teenage eating marathon. As I am about to leave my younger teen’s bedroom, something stops me. I can’t explain what it was, but something told me to go back and look around a bit....

Keep Reading

Supporting Your Teen through Freshman Year

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Mom and teen boy

Growing up I remember seeing Ms. Honey in the movie Matilda and thinking teaching must be a magical job if Ms. Honey could do it so effortlessly. This image of dancing with my students, heart-to-heart conversations, and the perfectly curated teacher outfit always stuck in my mind. When I decided to become a teacher, my original goal was to teach elementary. I wanted to be that driving force that helped those pudgy little hands learn how to write, sing at the top of their lungs about the seasons, and be there to help with scraped knees. Over the years I...

Keep Reading

Our College Visit Disaster: What You Should Learn from My Mistakes

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Mom and teen daughter selfie, color photo

With a song in my heart, I got in the car to drive my daughter to our first college visit.  We drove two hours to a school nestled in the mountains. It was a state school, not too big, not too small.  She knew plenty of alumni from her high school who attended there, and I was convinced it was going to be the perfect fit. We pulled up to the student center, and I jumped out of the car. I glanced around for her and realized she was still sitting in the car.  “Mom, I’m not getting out. I ...

Keep Reading

I’ll Send You off with a Million Prayers

In: Grown Children, Motherhood, Teen
Teen walking down sidewalk with suitcase, color photo

I think one of the hardest things about launching your big kids is wondering what baggage they will take with them. Did I give them enough for what comes next? Enough guidance? Enough wisdom Enough confidence and encouragement? Or will they end up carrying the weight of all of my mistakes? My exhaustion? My insecurities? My misplaced fears? What will they hold on to and what will they toss aside as they make room for new experiences, new people, new dreams? RELATED: My Mama Heart Breaks a Little Every Time You Go What lessons will they remember? What moments will...

Keep Reading

To the Mom of the Rebellious Teen

In: Motherhood, Teen, Tween
Teen in hoodie against black and white background

There is a pain that hides behind the eyes of the mom of a rebellious teen. A weariness from worry. She might be distant or seem aloof—it’s because she’s exhausted from the work of grieving what she imagined this season of motherhood would be. If you are the mom of a rebellious teen, I see you. I see how much you ache for restoration in your relationship with your child. I know how many nights you have lain awake, staring at the ceiling, wrestling with guilt that somehow along the way you might have messed up.  I understand the heaviness...

Keep Reading