By Cat Borg 
We’re in the teen years now. The years that were always way off in the future. Those times that seemed like decades away, that other parents were dealing with. Seasoned parents who knew what they were doing. And I would too, once I got there. If I’d been a parent long enough to have a 13-year-old, I must be experienced enough to understand it, right?
It didn’t take quite as long as I’d thought to arrive here. Newborn struggles and sleepless nights seemed like they’d go on forever, but then she learned to walk and talk, went to school, and made friends; each age and each season brought its own struggles and its own joys. But still, the teen years were a long way away, until they weren’t.
Sometimes I still see the baby in her. When she is asleep, when she is sad, just when she’s still. I want to reach out and comfort the baby, yet when she’s in my arms, she’s bigger. I can’t pick her up anymore.
And she needs more from me now, just as her sisters will in a few years. She can’t be comforted with the same simple things. A cuddle and a drink of warm milk won’t take away her struggles, won’t take away what are now more complex and not-as-easily-fixable issues. And as a parent, it’s very hard not to be able to solve everything for her. I know I can be there for her, to listen, to hold, to comfort, but when I can’t fix, it hurts.
Yet I also know it’s necessary.
Stepping back and allowing her to figure things out for herself isn’t easy, but in her life and as she gets older, her dad and I won’t always be on hand to help. It’s also ok to allow her to sit in the uncomfortable emotions, which, to be honest, is still something I’m working on myself. For her to feel hurt or fear or embarrassment and learn about how it feels and what to do about it is completely acceptable, even though as a parent, all I want to do is take it away from her.
Watching her grow is exciting! I have lovely memories of our younger years and the times we shared, but it’s also nice knowing that there is going to be so much more to see and experience.
I’m growing with her. As she learns to navigate this new stage in her life, I am learning to navigate parenting her. We all know that raising children doesn’t come with a handbook, and even though I read a lot about parenting, much of it is based on motherly instinct and what I feel is right in my heart. Everything we’re going through is brand new, yet just like in the younger years, it doesn’t automatically mean it will be the same for each child. Each of my three girls had very different experiences when they were babies, toddlers, and young children. I don’t feel like I’m parenting an ‘age’, I’m parenting individual characters. I suppose there are certain tricks that you can learn as you go through, but each of my girls still presents us with new challenges that are unique to them.
Therefore, we’ll have to go through the ‘new’ teen years three times!
At the moment, despite the bad press that tweens and teens sometimes get, there is a lot to enjoy. Her emotions are beginning to get the better of her from time to time, but it’s not just angry outbursts and tears (although they do appear). It’s also so much laughter, a great sense of excitement, and a newfound independence, which is brilliant to watch. Life is stretching out before her, and she is grasping it with both hands. Her options for things like what to read, what to watch, and where to go are expanding. Conversations are full of interesting questions, and her experiences are growing.
Each day with her is a gift, as it is with her sisters, and we are trying to embrace the changes as they arrive.
She is a teen, but that label does not define her. She is our daughter. She is beautiful. She is 13 years old, and she is figuring life out.
We are also figuring things out. Together, everything that’s new can be learned, everything that’s challenging can be tackled, and everything joyful can be celebrated.
We have a teen, and we are enjoying her so much!
by Stacey Philpot 
by Amy Keyes 
