This week has been a roller coaster of emotions.. (aren’t all anyway?). I was very stressed and negative. Through those days I kept asking God for help, even though I wasn’t “feeling it.” I tried what everybody else says – pray, pray and pray some more in moments like that when you don’t know or see any way out, any solution; just pray and feel confident that HE will provide. I wasn’t feeling the confidence but I still prayed and asked Him to never forget about me.
I’ve been back to work for two weeks now (maternity leave) and I already feel overwhelmed about time –or the lack of it – the running, trying to squeeze my real life between 5 pm and 10 pm with only 3 hours to spend with my babies (they go to bed around 8 p.m.). I feel spent and tired by the time I go to bed. As soon as I get home it’s a race against time: first kiss my babies, exercise while they play with me, prepare dinner or feed the baby whatever comes first – you get the picture.
So yes, when you put it from that perspective I only get 3 hours a day with my kids. It breaks my heart as I am typing this… but it’s actually not that bad. My professional working mom self doesn’t feel bad because that time is quality time and I get to enjoy them and I get to see their happy faces.
If they are happy I am happy.
The battle inside my head already started. Between being at work and being at home, on how I don’t get enough time to be with my family and that it’s been two days since I’ve had a real talk with my husband. I promised myself before coming back to work that this wouldn’t happen, that I would be grateful and I would enjoy the time I have. This is the life I have chosen. For now it is a blessing so I should not complain or feel bad about it. Each and every day I have to remind myself of it so I feel better and happy and enjoy the time I have as soon as I get home.
I can tell you today that not every situation in my stressful week got fixed or solved but I do feel much better, brighter and optimistic about the future. I feel the confidence and I have faith that He is here with me along the way. It’s the little things, little miracles. When you learn to pay attention to them, you recognize that it’s only God who is able to make them happen. It was those little things along the week that made me feel better, happier and grateful.