Breaking generational chains is one of the most amazing, beautiful, and beneficial things I’ve done for my family. My children are happy and healthy and know they are loved unconditionally. I continue to heal my inner child and find my worth. I feel so much relief knowing my children won’t go through the trauma and pain my husband and I did. 

But breaking those chains, establishing boundaries, going no contact with abusive family members, explaining to my children that they can’t see our relatives who they love so dearly because they were hurting us.

That is hard. That is painful.

That has kept me up at night, crying, asking God why. 

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Why couldn’t they change for their family? Why can’t they change for my kids who want so badly to have a healthy relationship with them? Why does something so good and healthy—ending the abuse cycle—sometimes hurt so bad? 

I don’t have all the answers and I may never have the answers, but I do know good will come from this. 

I know that standing up to abuse in front of my children has shown them what bad behavior looks like and will help them stand up for themselves and others someday.

I know that ending this cycle gives my children a better chance of finding healthy relationships.

I know that they will know real, unconditional love from the people who are in our lives and choose us every day.

I know that the next generations will be healthier and happier because I choose every day to break the chain. 

I don’t have all the answers, but I do know that sometimes the right thing hurts before it heals. It’s okay to feel pain and still know you’re doing the right thing for your children. It hurts now, but we will see so much good from doing the right thing.

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So if you are going through this pain, know you aren’t alone, and it isn’t the wrong choice. It just hurts because you have so much love, even for those who hurt you. We are chain breakers, and it isn’t for the faint of heart. Stay strong and love your babies the way you deserved to be loved as a child.