I had the biggest cry today.

It was after I rage-threw my kids’ teepee into the garage because their behavior has been next level hell lately.

You may judge me for that, but y’all, it’s been hard.

I’ve seen so many posts these last few weeks saying people can finally understand what it’s like to be a stay-at-home mom.

Friends, let me tell you something, being a stay-at-home mom is NOTHING like this.

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Before this pandemic, we had a bit of structure. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked for our family.

Monday and Friday I did something special with my boys. We supported our favorite small businesses, went for lunch, visited friends and family. That sort of thing.

Tuesday to Thursday, my oldest had morning preschool. And while getting him out the door was hard as heck, what it offered to him had seriously changed our lives over the last month.

In between all of that was therapy for myself and my oldest as we navigate his special needs.

Then, there was a Toddler Tuesday thing I did with my girlfriends.

There was grocery shopping and library visits, parks, and lakeside walks.

We flew by the seat of our pants.

Grabbing a morning coffee on a hard day or paying a spontaneous visit to a friend who was having one themselves.

Heck, I even ordered in from time to time (to time).

Yes, being a stay-at-home mom has its almost daily moments where the darkness seeps in.

But it’s nothing, NOTHING like this.

This is a life without support.

It’s a life of fear and isolation like I’ve never experienced.

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It’s a life where basically every piece of safety and security has been ripped from everyone around me.

And while I still feel isolated, I’m also never alone. There are bored and needy children in, on, and around my space 24/7.

My husband has worked 14- days straight to try to fight this pandemic.

And I’m doubting every bit of my ability to bring another baby into our world—this world.

Folks, being a stay-at-home mom is a choice. It’s one I’d choose time and time again. It’s hard and it’s my calling—but it’s nothing like this.

This is entirely something else.

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This is a disruption to family structures, safety nets, income, housing, and mental health.

This is physically distancing ourselves from everyone both in and out of our circle, not knowing if we can keep our businesses, losing patience with our kids, crying in the shower kind of hard.

It’s not being able to sit around a table with loved ones this Easter Sunday.

It’s delivering a baby alone.

It’s telling your 3-year-old the park is closed. And the school is closed. And the library is closed. And their favorite play cafe is closed. And the sidewalk is basically closed. Then telling them you don’t know when they’ll see their grandparents again.

It’s people dying. Vulnerable people and even people who aren’t.

It’s cashiers behind plexiglass.

It’s someone risking their life to save others (huge love to our brave frontline workers).

This is not what being a stay-at-home mom is about.

Yes, it’s hard. But my goodness, it’s nothing like this.

This post originally appeared on Grown Up Glamour by Anneliese Lawton

P.S. These are strange, TOUGH times. We love this shirt in the Her View From Home Shop as a reminder that no matter what we go through, He is stronger.